Destination wedding

[Anonymous]

When my own sister got married, my husband and daughter stayed home. My kid was 18 months and literally screamed like 20 out of 24 hours a day (later we learned she has a genetic disorder). I could not even fathom taking her on a plane so I went by myself. I don’t think anyone in my family cared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With a destination wedding, there's an implicit understanding that it will limit the number of invited guests who can attend, including relatives. The bride and groom are making a choice between being surrounded by more family and friends or being at their dream destination.

As an invited guest, it's perfectly acceptable to decline or limit how many of you can attend. I wouldn't sacrifice personal finances.

This. The expectation is that the wedding will be smaller with fewer (older) guests in attendance.

Go solo only if you really want to and have the leave, financially able, would enjoy. Otherwise, send that RSVP in now sending your regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If invited to a niece/nephew destination wedding where plane tix are $1000+/person (coach), how frowned upon for only one member of family to go? Has anyone else just had sibling of bride’s mom go and not their spouse and kids too? Flights would be early AM out to get there in time for rehearsal dinner, wedding next day and then early AM back to get home just before midnight. For the $, would need to use savings we have been building for week’s vacation with immediate family at different place. Posting as extended family expectation is for everyone to go. What have others done or think?

You can choose none and still celebrate with them the next time you see them, stateside. Send them a gift with a loving card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If invited to a niece/nephew destination wedding where plane tix are $1000+/person (coach), how frowned upon for only one member of family to go? Has anyone else just had sibling of bride’s mom go and not their spouse and kids too? Flights would be early AM out to get there in time for rehearsal dinner, wedding next day and then early AM back to get home just before midnight. For the $, would need to use savings we have been building for week’s vacation with immediate family at different place. Posting as extended family expectation is for everyone to go. What have others done or think?

You do what works for your family. IMO, if someone has a destination wedding, they should expect many many people to say "NO" because it doesn't work for them financially, time off, etc. You are not required to drop $10K to attend someone's wedding, even if very close family.

If you can afford it, send one person. If you get grief for that, then cancel and nobody goes

I woudlnt' forgo a planned family vacation to afford to attend a wedding. If you cannot afford it, it's acceptable to say nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think family expectations and "etiquette" go out the window when people have these kind of weddings. Same goes for weddings where you expected to fly and then drive to some remote location. If your family dumps or shuns you for declining or only sending one person, then it's time to really figure out what kind of relationship you even want with them.

The sad thing is I think I read study a while back that couples that have the most expensive and the most involved/demanding weddings (destination and/or an ordeal to get there and multiple obligations) are even more likely to get divorced than the general population. It makes sense when if they are spending above their means or making massive demands on guests. Empathy and being financially tuned in and pretty important in a marriage.

I think destination weddings are fine if they elope or pay for the guests who want to be there and cannot afford it.

Destination weddings are fine at any time,IMO, as long as the B/G and their families understand that many will choose not to attend, and they need to not get upset if that happens. Or they can offer to pay for guests (but not required). B/G must assume that many will not attend. I'm not spending $5K+ and skipping our family vacation just to attend a wedding for a long weekend. Not happening unless I can easily afford it

[Anonymous]

Very normal. This is often how DH and I handle.

We’d often like to take the whole family (and occasionally we do) but we just don’t have unlimited vacation time / $. Also as the kids have gotten older, they can’t miss school and activities so easily.

[Anonymous]

I was in this situation last year (a niece)- and it wasn’t even a destination wedding per se….but required a plane flight, a 4! hour drive from the airport (despite her and her fiance living less than an hour from the airport). And it was on a FRIDAY. Ugh.

I did attend, but attended alone.

[Anonymous]

There is no way in hell I would be dipping into any savings for my family vacation to attend a niece/nephew’s destination wedding.

Send a lovely card and gift. That’s it.

[Anonymous]

I love destination weddings and happily attend them. I don't think anyone would think twice if you came solo. Do what works for your family. No matter the decision wish the couple well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If invited to a niece/nephew destination wedding where plane tix are $1000+/person (coach), how frowned upon for only one member of family to go? Has anyone else just had sibling of bride’s mom go and not their spouse and kids too? Flights would be early AM out to get there in time for rehearsal dinner, wedding next day and then early AM back to get home just before midnight. For the $, would need to use savings we have been building for week’s vacation with immediate family at different place. Posting as extended family expectation is for everyone to go. What have others done or think?

I went solo to a nieces wedding in the Caribbean (my siblings daughter). DH has gone alone to similar event on his side. We didn’t overthink it and if anyone had complaints they didn’t say it to our face.

[Anonymous]

If you can't/don't want to go, it's fine.

I had a destination wedding because both our families would have to travel (different continents), so we just decided to make everyone travel.

We knew not everyone could attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If invited to a niece/nephew destination wedding where plane tix are $1000+/person (coach), how frowned upon for only one member of family to go? Has anyone else just had sibling of bride’s mom go and not their spouse and kids too? Flights would be early AM out to get there in time for rehearsal dinner, wedding next day and then early AM back to get home just before midnight. For the $, would need to use savings we have been building for week’s vacation with immediate family at different place. Posting as extended family expectation is for everyone to go. What have others done or think?

Anyone who chooses to get married at a destination location cannot expect anything from anyone. It imposes a burden on guests, who are entitled to spend their hard-earned money as they choose.

100000 +

[Anonymous]

Send a card and a small check ($100-$150) and skip the wedding. If they give you a hard time, they can pay for you to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If invited to a niece/nephew destination wedding where plane tix are $1000+/person (coach), how frowned upon for only one member of family to go? Has anyone else just had sibling of bride’s mom go and not their spouse and kids too? Flights would be early AM out to get there in time for rehearsal dinner, wedding next day and then early AM back to get home just before midnight. For the $, would need to use savings we have been building for week’s vacation with immediate family at different place. Posting as extended family expectation is for everyone to go. What have others done or think?

Anyone who chooses to get married at a destination location cannot expect anything from anyone. It imposes a burden on guests, who are entitled to spend their hard-earned money as they choose.

This x100
I reluctantly attended a destination wedding 28 years ago and I am still angry with myself for not having more of a spine. I spent money I did not have, used work leave I had far too little of and only went as I felt bullied by the bride ("if we are truly friends ..."). Never again. Destination weddings are fine if that is what the couple wants but they need to have no expectations of attendance.

[Anonymous]

? - if you do attend a destination wedding where you are spending significant money on a flight and hotel, would it be rude to give a smaller amount for the gift?