Destination wedding

[Anonymous]

If invited to a niece/nephew destination wedding where plane tix are $1000+/person (coach), how frowned upon for only one member of family to go? Has anyone else just had sibling of bride’s mom go and not their spouse and kids too? Flights would be early AM out to get there in time for rehearsal dinner, wedding next day and then early AM back to get home just before midnight. For the $, would need to use savings we have been building for week’s vacation with immediate family at different place. Posting as extended family expectation is for everyone to go. What have others done or think?

[Anonymous]

Send a nice gift and card and skip. Nothing says you must attend a destination wedding

[Anonymous]

Sending one person is completely fine. That's what people should expect if it's a destination wedding.

If it's an inconvenient place for you but it is also where the extended family lives or is from, that might be different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sending one person is completely fine. That's what people should expect if it's a destination wedding.

If it's an inconvenient place for you but it is also where the extended family lives or is from, that might be different.

Thanks for replies. It is not where anyone lives or is from. Told location picked bc “bride and groom have always wanted to go there.”

[Anonymous]

They only want you there anyway. Go if you want to go, it will be nice for you to have a little vacation for just you. Skip it if you don’t want to go.

[Anonymous]

Family expectations can stuff it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If invited to a niece/nephew destination wedding where plane tix are $1000+/person (coach), how frowned upon for only one member of family to go? Has anyone else just had sibling of bride’s mom go and not their spouse and kids too? Flights would be early AM out to get there in time for rehearsal dinner, wedding next day and then early AM back to get home just before midnight. For the $, would need to use savings we have been building for week’s vacation with immediate family at different place. Posting as extended family expectation is for everyone to go. What have others done or think?

Anyone who chooses to get married at a destination location cannot expect anything from anyone. It imposes a burden on guests, who are entitled to spend their hard-earned money as they choose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sending one person is completely fine. That's what people should expect if it's a destination wedding.

If it's an inconvenient place for you but it is also where the extended family lives or is from, that might be different.

Thanks for replies. It is not where anyone lives or is from. Told location picked bc “bride and groom have always wanted to go there.”

That's fine, then bride and groom can go there. They can't mandate that anyone else go.

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids?

Is your sister well off?

I have kids. If my child was having a wedding and money was the reason my sibling’s family was not coming, I would pay for my sibling and her family.

[Anonymous]

With a destination wedding, there's an implicit understanding that it will limit the number of invited guests who can attend, including relatives. The bride and groom are making a choice between being surrounded by more family and friends or being at their dream destination.

As an invited guest, it's perfectly acceptable to decline or limit how many of you can attend. I wouldn't sacrifice personal finances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send a nice gift and card and skip. Nothing says you must attend a destination wedding

+1

[Anonymous]

I think family expectations and "etiquette" go out the window when people have these kind of weddings. Same goes for weddings where you expected to fly and then drive to some remote location. If your family dumps or shuns you for declining or only sending one person, then it's time to really figure out what kind of relationship you even want with them.

The sad thing is I think I read study a while back that couples that have the most expensive and the most involved/demanding weddings (destination and/or an ordeal to get there and multiple obligations) are even more likely to get divorced than the general population. It makes sense when if they are spending above their means or making massive demands on guests. Empathy and being financially tuned in and pretty important in a marriage.

I think destination weddings are fine if they elope or pay for the guests who want to be there and cannot afford it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With a destination wedding, there's an implicit understanding that it will limit the number of invited guests who can attend, including relatives. The bride and groom are making a choice between being surrounded by more family and friends or being at their dream destination.

As an invited guest, it's perfectly acceptable to decline or limit how many of you can attend. I wouldn't sacrifice personal finances.

This. Sometimes the couple even pick a destination wedding because they hope fewer people will come (costs them less and gets them out of the difficulty of who to invite).

I would not feel guilty at all of either just sending one person or declining and sending a nice gift.

[Anonymous]

None of us would be going. We would send a card and check and that would be it.

We have not gone to every wedding on either side of our families. We made every effort to go but when we can’t, we can’t. We don’t feel guilty. Reasons have included cost, timing (like it’s the first week of school and they picked a remote destination location), or some combination of the two of them. We have also gone solo to some without the rest of the family.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's frowned upon at all. This is what my friend and her DH did because they wanted a small wedding and both their parents were completely overstepping and insisting they had to invite A-Z people. (Neither parent was paying). So they had a destination wedding and got out of inviting all those people and kept their wedding small. Didn't even have to send invites to 75% of the people their parents wanted them to because their parents were so annoyed by it.