Would it be inappropriate for your ex's new wife to name their dog after your daughter?

[Anonymous]

Spoiler Alert: those are fake scenarios.

[Anonymous]

I dont think it's disrespectful but it is confusing and impractical for everybody. And guests and other outsiders will think it's odd and make a big deal of it, which will make the daughter self conscious. I wonder if this family changed their mind a few weeks in and renamed the dog, at least unofficially.

[Anonymous]

My grandpa's name was Max and when my aunt/his daughter got a dog, there was some joking around and she wound up naming the dog Maxie. That was in the early 70's. It's now 55 years later and in my extended family, someone ALWAYS has a dog named SOME variation of Max, after my grandpa. He wasn't at all offended and it's no big deal.

Especially considering Katy isn't offended, the mom of Katy should back off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont think it's disrespectful but it is confusing and impractical for everybody. And guests and other outsiders will think it's odd and make a big deal of it, which will make the daughter self conscious. I wonder if this family changed their mind a few weeks in and renamed the dog, at least unofficially.

Nobody needs to make a big deal of it. And it won't be confusing. If an adult yells "Katy, come set the table!" and a girl and dog come running into the kitchen, it's clear who was being called and no big deal to pet the dog and say hi to it. If someone firmly says "Katie, drop it!" and Katy isn't holding anything, she'll know they mean the dog.

[Anonymous]

The ex's new wife didn't name the dog after the daughter - the dog came with that name.

Our first dog was named Cindy when we adopted her and my parents didn't like that name so they changed it to Sandy. I could see changing the dog's name but also, if the daughter isn't bothered, why should the mom be? She needs to move on. Sounds like everyone else has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it were the same name as a family member in that home (the new wife, one of the new kids), they would change the name of the dog.

I get that it was trained on the name. But young dogs can switch up easily. It’s not a big deal for them. And again, if it happened to come with the name Shiela, and the new wife is Shiela, guess what they would do… change the name.

I think it is disrespectful. There are many names where I don’t personally know a single person. A new baby in our life, Turner, is the only one I’ve ever met. I don’t personally know any: Jeff, Cory, Chandler, Beatrice, Shiela, or Trina. I could keep going.

Choose a name for your dog that you don’t know anyone with the name. Pet names are good for this, Snickers, Rambo, Sweetie, Barky McBarkface.

The bolded is the key point. I am not surprised in the Prudence response because there is a very dominant philosophy in our culture that being mentally healthy means never being bothered. You see it a lot on DCUM but it's everywhere, and there's this idea that if you are upset or offended about any non-criminal behavior, then you need to "learn to chill" or whatever.

I increasingly think this is a toxic attitude that just encourages a lot of passive aggressive behavior, protects people who are rude and unkind, and gaslights people who get treated poorly by their family and friends.

Anyway, yes, the letter writer was right to be bothered, the ex and his wife should have changed the name, and Prudence was overly harsh even though I do in fact hate when people describe a woman having a baby as "whelping" because yes, that's misogynist. But that doesn't mean LW is wrong about the dog.

+1 I was going to comment to say that the letter writer was being hysterical but the point made by the PP changed my mind. Just because the letter writer is obviously angry over her divorce and jealous of the new wife doesn't mean she isn't correct that the dog's name is disrespectful to her daughter.

But the daughter doesn't seem to care?

[Anonymous]

I think it's absurd to name a dog after a living family member, and beyond absurd if it's a stepchild because those relationships are so fraught. It's just straight up nuts, and no justification can make it not so.

[Anonymous]

These letters should always be taken with a grain of salt, and no, the wife didn't name the dog herself so she claims, but I do think it's weird that the brother coincidentally named the dog Katie. That's not a super common dog name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These letters should always be taken with a grain of salt, and no, the wife didn't name the dog herself so she claims, but I do think it's weird that the brother coincidentally named the dog Katie. That's not a super common dog name.

PP Although I guess "Katy" could've been made up for the purposes of the letter. But still, other feminine names like Laura, Sarah, etc. which I'm sure are in line with the actual name are not super common for a dog.

[Anonymous]

This was truly an insane response from Prudence:

"When you refer to a human woman giving birth as “whelp[ing] out three babies,” you have lost perspective. While I’m sure that you love your daughter very much, and I don’t want to come down too hard on you, I’m not surprised that she loves going over to her father’s house. Your tooth-grinding misery, resentment, and hostility toward others absolutely radiated off your letter. I’d want to take a break from living with you, too."

[Anonymous]

It's petty and I predict this 2nd marriage has a very short shelf life.

[Anonymous]

Mommy needs to get the ef over it before she loses custody of her daughter