mom called from nursing home--asking to come come

[Anonymous]

My condolences OP. This is so common, and white lies are really the only answer.

In my mom's memory care, she doesn't have a phone (she doesn't know how to use one anymore). So the incessant calls I got when she was mid stage stopped. But now, whenever I come visit, she is fine until I am leaving, and then wants to leave with me, and cries or says "I can't believe you are leaving me here..." and it's really hard. I just tell her I will be back soon (truth, but vague). I also know that she is actually doing well there--like I will show up and one of the staff is painting her nails, or she is dancing to the oldies (to the extent she can dance with her walker) so I think she's fine when I'm not there. But there are moments where she really has no idea where she is and thinks we all still live together in a house with my dad (they've been divorced 30 years and she's forgotten husband number 2!) and she doesn't know why I am not taking her home. Its distressing to both of us.

[Anonymous]

You did the right thing, OP. Is there social work support at the facility? If so, you could talk with them for support. When my dad first entered his facility the social worker instructed staff to have him call her so she could pretend to be my mom. They didn't, the first time anyway, so my mom had to have the conversation, but she talked to the social worker about it later and felt reassured that she had handled it the right way.