Is this behavior considered resourceful and to be encouraged?

[Anonymous]

I am happy to do it (like others- figure out if I live by you) and I don't want to make small talk with you. Let your kids organize it. Never be late.

[Anonymous]

No party at the end of the year as "thank you". Thats so disingenuous and a burden for people to go to.

Stop turning a blind eye Op and arrange a standing order for an Uber pickup for your kid.

[Anonymous]

Do you live out of the way of most of these kids and families, OP? One family we know who requests rides lives in Brookland, which is 30+ minute drive from the activity and then another 30+ minutes back to our place so adds well over an hour to my day if we give the kid a ride. I did it once to be nice, but that's just too much. I work, too, but am available for my kid since I have a somewhat flexible schedule. I would help in an emergency but a regular occurrence is not acceptable.

The other kids (twins) we know who always need rides have a SAHM that is always out sailing or going on retreats and has them try to mooch rides from others; she never, ever reciprocates and the dad works "so *obviously* he just can't do it!" I only give the kids a ride if they and my kid have prearranged plans together.

[Anonymous]

Op here.Thank you PPs for ideas and thoughts!

Re: Team culture. From what I can tell, there’s consistently been teenage type drama amongst the girls about who dates who, talking to other team members boyfriends, etc.. Katie and Alexa are friends on Monday but because Alexa texted the group chat about Riley being cute, they no longer are friends, don’t speak, etc… I am not sure if this influences how parents interact but none of the parents speak to each other or share team emails like I’ve seen on shows.

Things are very hands off. An app is used by coaches to communicate to the teams.

Metro is not an option in our area and the bus does not run to our neighborhood. There is Uber though.

The families do not organize potlucks, have team dinners, or anything of that nature either.

It seems very much unlike the “team moms” groups you see on social media who hang out during games, parents very much drop off the team member for the game and come back for pickup. Parents don’t stay at games either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you live out of the way of most of these kids and families, OP? One family we know who requests rides lives in Brookland, which is 30+ minute drive from the activity and then another 30+ minutes back to our place so adds well over an hour to my day if we give the kid a ride. I did it once to be nice, but that's just too much. I work, too, but am available for my kid since I have a somewhat flexible schedule. I would help in an emergency but a regular occurrence is not acceptable.

The other kids (twins) we know who always need rides have a SAHM that is always out sailing or going on retreats and has them try to mooch rides from others; she never, ever reciprocates and the dad works "so *obviously* he just can't do it!" I only give the kids a ride if they and my kid have prearranged plans together.

Op here. We are in what’s probably considered an ex-urb of the DMV, all of the team members are zoned to the high school and within 10/15 minutes or less of the school and each other given town size.

[Anonymous]

Don't put this on your child OP, it's the reason I have yo doing after school activities. Eventually the parents get tired of her asking for rides.

[Anonymous]

It is totally fine to ask for rides but you don’t want your kid being a total mooch and never reciprocating either….

If it is kids driving (older ones on the team who have their license, for example) just give DD $ towards gas (and insist she give it to them). They won’t offer rides if they don’t want to.

If it is parents, you need to figure out any patterns by talking to your DD (whose parent is driving her and when? Probably it is the same one or two parents). The rearrange your schedule at least 2x/wk to do your share (if this is a 5 day per week activity). Have DD tell the friend “my mom says she can pick us up tomorrow & drive you home too” or whatever. If they decline, fine. But make sure to offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you live out of the way of most of these kids and families, OP? One family we know who requests rides lives in Brookland, which is 30+ minute drive from the activity and then another 30+ minutes back to our place so adds well over an hour to my day if we give the kid a ride. I did it once to be nice, but that's just too much. I work, too, but am available for my kid since I have a somewhat flexible schedule. I would help in an emergency but a regular occurrence is not acceptable.

The other kids (twins) we know who always need rides have a SAHM that is always out sailing or going on retreats and has them try to mooch rides from others; she never, ever reciprocates and the dad works "so *obviously* he just can't do it!" I only give the kids a ride if they and my kid have prearranged plans together.

Op here. We are in what’s probably considered an ex-urb of the DMV, all of the team members are zoned to the high school and within 10/15 minutes or less of the school and each other given town size.

Setting aside that I don't think you should rely on this arrangement for your child's safety and wellbeing, I would most likely not mind driving your kid home if it was that distance. The only times I've really been frustrated at having to give another kid a ride home unexpectedly were when they lived on the other side of town, and it turned a 15 minute chauffeur errand into a 45 minute.

It would make sense to make the plan more in advance so that it's not a last minute errand sprung on another parent.

Not sure it's permitted to send your 15yo in an Uber alone, also.

[Anonymous]

JFC OP, this is on YOU. You obviously are at least acquainted with the parents and you obviously know where they live. Get on the damned phone and call one that's convenient to your home, call the parent, ask for help with transportation, and say you'll Venmo some gas money.

[Anonymous]

For which HS sport do parents NOT WATCH THE GAMES? That is so freakin weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For which HS sport do parents NOT WATCH THE GAMES? That is so freakin weird.

I don't watch games. I watch the last /biggest one.

[Anonymous]

At age 15 most ride requests are discussed among the kids, not the parents (unless the parents are friends otherwise). IME.

For one off things, it isn’t unusual to give a ride or ask for a ride. My DD would just text me asking “can we give Larla a ride home” or whatever. Or I would text her “hey I’m running late, can you get a ride?”

But for something recurring like this, I wouldn’t be comfortable not reciprocating. I’d ask your DD who is giving the rides and then offer to take that kid home some of the time (have DD tell her friend “my mom said she can bring us home on Tuesdays and Thursdays since your mom has been doing the other days”. Or whatever you can manage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These parents are probably annoyed at having to do your job.
Use the uber or do a flex schedule.

+1

+2

Similar team set up here and after I offered to drive more than mine one time and no reciprocation, I just took that as ok for me to offer to give rides but also ok if no longer want to coordinate rides with other families. As year went on, was easier to just do own thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At age 15 most ride requests are discussed among the kids, not the parents (unless the parents are friends otherwise). IME.

For one off things, it isn’t unusual to give a ride or ask for a ride. My DD would just text me asking “can we give Larla a ride home” or whatever. Or I would text her “hey I’m running late, can you get a ride?”

But for something recurring like this, I wouldn’t be comfortable not reciprocating. I’d ask your DD who is giving the rides and then offer to take that kid home some of the time (have DD tell her friend “my mom said she can bring us home on Tuesdays and Thursdays since your mom has been doing the other days”. Or whatever you can manage.

Yes please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I think it’s fine so long as she makes it clear (and it is true) that she can uber if no one can do it. It also would be good if you can pay it back in some way with the families who could. Not financially, the party at the end was a good idea, something like that.

Ridiculous suggestion. When she says “it’s ok I can Uber” she’ll guilt a parent into saying yes. Not cool

Why is it guilting the parent?