Is this behavior considered resourceful and to be encouraged?

[Anonymous]

DD 15 is a Sophomore and participates in a sport that has summer practices, fundraising activities, etc.

Much of this takes place daily during July/August during my work hours (8a-5:30p) taking place at times like 8:30am, 10:30, 11am, 1pm, etc so DD has asked friends if she can ride to/from with them.

The parents on the team are not as open as you’d imagine which has been common as we entered the high school years; more hands off - there isn’t mingling or talking to other parents and are very much a “hi/bye” type of crowd. No one seems to know each other or want to know each other on the adult side. I’d love to get to know the parents better but it seems that the group overall isn’t that interested in mingling.The coaches schedule around their own work hours as well.

I am not sure if I should encourage this type of asking others for rides or getting a ride there without a solid ride home determined which has happened a few times this week. Albeit she does have the uber app downloaded when we realized all the activities for the sport are during work hours.

Is this what independence is? What it means to be resourceful?

[Anonymous]

You should teach her to offer some money for gas. You could also ask if she'd like to have a BBQ or dessert bar for the team at your house, and then have her text the team and say "families welcome" or something.

[Anonymous]

These parents are probably annoyed at having to do your job.
Use the uber or do a flex schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These parents are probably annoyed at having to do your job.
Use the uber or do a flex schedule.

+1

[Anonymous]

I’m
Not driving your kid home because you didn’t figure that out before your kid made a commitment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD 15 is a Sophomore and participates in a sport that has summer practices, fundraising activities, etc.

Much of this takes place daily during July/August during my work hours (8a-5:30p) taking place at times like 8:30am, 10:30, 11am, 1pm, etc so DD has asked friends if she can ride to/from with them.

The parents on the team are not as open as you’d imagine which has been common as we entered the high school years; more hands off - there isn’t mingling or talking to other parents and are very much a “hi/bye” type of crowd. No one seems to know each other or want to know each other on the adult side. I’d love to get to know the parents better but it seems that the group overall isn’t that interested in mingling.The coaches schedule around their own work hours as well.

I am not sure if I should encourage this type of asking others for rides or getting a ride there without a solid ride home determined which has happened a few times this week. Albeit she does have the uber app downloaded when we realized all the activities for the sport are during work hours.

Is this what independence is? What it means to be resourceful?

What would happen if no one was able to give her a ride home?

I have a 15yo who has gotten rides home from things with friends and friends' parents, but the backup plan was always that she would take the bus (if running) or that DH or I would pick her up.

You cannot send your 15yo out into the world with the Uber app and no plan. You have to parent until she's able to drive herself.

FWIW, I have given her friends rides home after events, rides to events, and occasionally rides to school. At this age, it's pretty normal that most of the communication go through the kids, but if Abby's mom is driving them to practice every.single.day, you need to reach out to Abby's mom, thank her, and offer some gas money.

[Anonymous]

Seriously OP are you asking if your kid can take it upon herself to mooch rides off of other parents who you don’t even know because you’re too busy to manage your kid’s activities yourself?

[Anonymous]

Because most families have done multiple years of carpooling and they're over it. If there's a group email, you could perhaps ask if someone lives near X address and would be willing to pick up and drop off, in exchange for gas and treats. But if no one answers... Uber it is. I wouldn't mind too much during the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These parents are probably annoyed at having to do your job.
Use the uber or do a flex schedule.

+100
And your kid is most likely putting me on the spot so I'm sorta forced to give her a ride abd can't easily say "no".

[Anonymous]

Is there a bus she could take as well? Or a coffee shop she could go to after practice to read/wait for you to pick her up? It’s fine to carpool if you are actually doing some of the carpooling, or helping in some other way. But sounds like you need to be more involved in the plan rather than leaving it all for your daughter to figure out.

[Anonymous]

I am usually ok with taking other kids home when my kids asks me but sometimes I have something else scheduled or place to be and taking them home delays me or makes me late. But I can't say no.

Honestly I always feel bad for these kids having to bum rides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am usually ok with taking other kids home when my kids asks me but sometimes I have something else scheduled or place to be and taking them home delays me or makes me late. But I can't say no.

Honestly I always feel bad for these kids having to bum rides.

Agreed. I would be happy to give your kid a ride home if it was close to my house, but I wouldn't be able to do it on the days I have important can't-miss sort of appointments. So none of that is reliable transportation for your child, OP, and you're putting her in an awkward spot. My teen would hate to always ask for rides, it's stressful! I understand there might not be a bus line close to the practice area, so thank goodness for Uber.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I think it’s fine so long as she makes it clear (and it is true) that she can uber if no one can do it. It also would be good if you can pay it back in some way with the families who could. Not financially, the party at the end was a good idea, something like that.

[Anonymous]

Totally depends on the culture of the group. I'm in DC, so most kids have a backup plan that involves metro or bus or biking. How far a ride is this?

In general, when I do drive, I'm happy to take a kid home to my house with me or drop on the way, but if they live farther, a 15-30 minute detour to their house turns into 30-60 minutes of my time that I can't always spend last minute. I also sometimes will drop a kid or a few kids at our nearest metro station, and that's not a huge deal.

If it's the same family consistently, ask your kid to ask the friend for a parent's number and check in with them. Maybe someone from your family can drive sometimes or do the longer hauls to weekend tournaments or whatever the sport has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I think it’s fine so long as she makes it clear (and it is true) that she can uber if no one can do it. It also would be good if you can pay it back in some way with the families who could. Not financially, the party at the end was a good idea, something like that.

Ridiculous suggestion. When she says “it’s ok I can Uber” she’ll guilt a parent into saying yes. Not cool