Therapy to deal with family conflicts

[Anonymous]

Family don't get a pass on being rude. What do you do when someone is rude? You tell them you consider what they said is rude. You probably need to spend shorter amounts of time together. You need to see them on neutral turf so you can always (politely) leave.You never stay with them. You stay in a hotel, you rent a car. You are independent so you can come and go as you feel is best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so bizarre that I'm wondering if it's a thread created by the therapist above to drum up business.

No. I honestly didn't know what type of therapist to look for when dealing with adult to adult family interactions and who might have availability and interest. I tried once with a couple of other family members to help by just talking to her about toning down the negativity when conversing with me and just stay in the moment but they feel like they would alienate their own relationships with her that only affects them a couple of days of the year so conspiracies are easily shrugged off and they'd rather keep their own peace. Therapy is the next step before complete distance. If you have any other suggestions for therapists please post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Family don't get a pass on being rude. What do you do when someone is rude? You tell them you consider what they said is rude. You probably need to spend shorter amounts of time together. You need to see them on neutral turf so you can always (politely) leave.You never stay with them. You stay in a hotel, you rent a car. You are independent so you can come and go as you feel is best.

She just doesn't care. Doesn't apologize. Feels justified. Feels it's all real and important. Won't listen to reason. Thinks certain people are evil just by category. Very tribal. Not a ton of cognition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so bizarre that I'm wondering if it's a thread created by the therapist above to drum up business.

No. I honestly didn't know what type of therapist to look for when dealing with adult to adult family interactions and who might have availability and interest. I tried once with a couple of other family members to help by just talking to her about toning down the negativity when conversing with me and just stay in the moment but they feel like they would alienate their own relationships with her that only affects them a couple of days of the year so conspiracies are easily shrugged off and they'd rather keep their own peace. Therapy is the next step before complete distance. If you have any other suggestions for therapists please post.

Snap out of it. You don't need any more steps. You don't need to explain or justify or defend why you need to distance yourself. You could cut her off right now, for life, and be fine. Don't bother your head with your relatives. It's not that they want to jeopardize their relationship with her - they have no relationship with her! They just feel, as selfish people do, that someone else should care for the problematic senior and you are an easy target. Just ignore them.

You sound completely unhinged, OP. Why are so obsessed with therapy? Therapy is not indicated here at all. It's entirely obvious that it won't work, and will just frustrate you and draw out the process of separation.

[Anonymous]

1. Google whichever therapist she's more likely to go to (closest to her house, cheapest, whatever). It doesn't need to be a good one!

2. Go through motions of first session.

3. At the first tantrum, announce that therapy has not worked. Cancel therapy. Cut her off.

4. Stop writing in this verbal diarrhea sort of way. It feels very hyper and high-strung. Maybe YOU need meds to calm down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Google whichever therapist she's more likely to go to (closest to her house, cheapest, whatever). It doesn't need to be a good one!

2. Go through motions of first session.

3. At the first tantrum, announce that therapy has not worked. Cancel therapy. Cut her off.

4. Stop writing in this verbal diarrhea sort of way. It feels very hyper and high-strung. Maybe YOU need meds to calm down.

Thanks. Good advice to find someone close by and find a family therapist. I only wrote more to respond to the person saying the thread was an advertisement. Appreciate the help.

[Anonymous]

No therapist recommendation but I would recommend, if you haven’t already, reading some books on this dynamic. There are many out there but a couple I can think of off the top of my head are: Children of Emotionally Immature Parents & Healing the Mother Wound.

My mother is similar and asked me to go to therapy with her. I declined as our pattern of communication showed me that she was not in the least able to demonstrate any empathy, curiosity, or active listening. I felt she wanted to go to therapy to prove her points and have a third party tell us both she is right and I’m wrong. I was not interested in this chicken dance she has been playing with me where I am the one to blame for any bad feeling she has. I’m 40 now and don’t need the emotional turmoil in my life. I think it would be helpful to journal about what kind of imagined relationship you think might be achievable through therapy, and then to ask yourself if there is really hope for this. If you think there is then at least you go in knowing what it is you are hoping for which will help you understand whether it is helping or not.

[Anonymous]

Thank you