Therapy to deal with family conflicts
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Anonymous
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My mother is a narcissistic MAGA conspiracy theorist family member who likes to weaponize religion and her money my dead dad left her against me. She will blame me for anything she can. It's to the point where I can't stand to be around her because out of nowhere, she will attack me or my ex-husband as being the fault of whatever negative feel she has in her life even when she's on vacation and far from us and even though my ex left the family five years ago. She'll check in to say hi and tell some awful story she was just thinking of from the past or turn a question about the exact time to meet up at some place to say that she can't do the event because of some new plan that was never discussed before that is just made up. Lots of fear and manipulation and avoidance to feel more special and victimized. Is there a therapist in the DC area that deals with mother daughter relationships and narcissism? The last thing I want is more time spent with her to cause problems and her manipulating the therapy session. I'm happy to go to counseling if the hate can dissipate. I'm also happy to support her as she gets older even if she's also not improving but want to do it at a distance if this behavior is going to increase or figure out some better skills to let it happen and move on from it positively.
Please let me know if you know of any NOVA family therapists (ideally located from beltway to Loudoun/Fairfax line or online) that work on learning how to be a decent person in the present, listen to others point of view without attacking, and teach conflict resolution skills for mothers and daughters. Non-Christian. We are both Christian but she will turn it into a competition over who is the best at Christianity. Do I look at family therapy or couple therapy? I'm a bit confused what to look for. Family therapy seems to be parents about children and couples about couples. What do you do when you have a different relationship? She suggested this so I'm trying to find someone that might take us. Thank you. |
Anonymous
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Therapist isn’t going to help.
You’ve got to move on. |
Anonymous
| Why do you even want a relationship with her? |
Anonymous
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If she's a narcissist then the standard recommendation is individual therapy before any sort of joint therapy. Otherwise the therapy becomes another way to dump on you (as you already intuited with visiting a Christian therapist).
People with narcissistic tendencies will learn the language of therapy and use it against you, or even worse get the therapist on their side. Now...if she's not that good at being a narcissist this is less of an issue. |
Anonymous
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She's older. So she's not that great at it. This is her idea to do therapy and she said she'll pay for it.
I want a "relationship" meaning I want to be able to discuss meds she needs or something for the simple reason that I'm an only child and want to make it through the remaining 20 years without being told by others I'm a horrible human for not supporting her. It's purely selfish at this point. That's the honest truth. |
Anonymous
| She may need medication. Highly doubt she will take it though. |
Anonymous
| Unfortunately I don't have extra money for therapy. As it is, I've refused other money beyond college costs for the kids. So I guess I'll use her money for therapy if she's going to manipulate the situation. If she can't fix the situation, she has enough money to die peacefully. I'm not on the hook for having to provide care. I understand she's lonely since her husband died and takes it out on me, so maybe the therapist will help her get away and find others. Win win. |
Anonymous
Well, you're not a horrible human, and you wouldn't be for cutting her off. And it's not selfish, it's self-preservation. |
Anonymous
| I'd still like to try since she's paying for it. Am I looking for family therapy or couples therapy or what? Are there any that work with narcissistic individuals? I assume most of them do now since it's so prevalent. |
Anonymous
Family therapy, but if she is the one who wants to do it and is paying for it, expect her to walk out the minute the therapist challenges her. |
Anonymous
But then it's on her which is totally fine with me. I've done my duty. |
Anonymous
| Honestly that is probably the best scenario because it gets me to a position where I can say I'd love to help you but you weren't able to sit through a therapy session with me so it's best that you live in a home where others can take care of you. I've read enough to understand that it's likely not going to get better. I'm just hoping for a couple of years of tolerance. As it is now, she can only talk for about 15 minutes without getting tired of us and mean. Then we can visit in the nursing home and she can spend the rest of the day being a mean girl on her own dime. |
Anonymous
| Any good family therapists in NOVA? |
Anonymous
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STOP.
Breathe. No therapy. Your mother is mentally ill, has been for some time, and is now perhaps in cognitive decline. Therapy cannot help with that. There might medications that could help with anxiety: anxiety often is a trigger of emotional disturbances, on top of whatever background psychiatric disorder she has. But she would need to comply with treatment, and people with her profile often do not comply. You MUST disengage and distance yourself. You cannot help her, OP. For your own sake, you have to grieve the parent you never had and let go. It will get worse and worse until she dies or qualifies for a government nursing home. You are not obligated to come to her aid at any point in time. What you can do is call senior services in her county so she can get whatever help is available when she has mobility issues, etc. |
Anonymous
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This is so bizarre that I'm wondering if it's a thread created by the therapist above to drum up business.
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