MIL's disdain for those who move in retirement

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your MIL is a typical Boomer and expects everything to revolve around her wants and needs. You don’t have to do anything to address it and should continue to live your life as you please. She is not your problem.

[Anonymous]

Stay silent, and move wherever and whenever you want. Adults don't get to control other adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would like to move where my kids go. Or be near them. I've asked my mother and father to move near me but so far my mother refuses. She wants to experience the joys of SFH living as long as possible. I think this will only change once there is a serious health issue. This probably works best for us because my dad is a PITA.

None of us get the Florida thing. And none of our relatives have done it.

They can move near you and still live in a SFH.

It's not all that hard to understand the "Florida thing"...warm weather and no state income tax. Personally, I hate the low sun angle in the northern states during Winter vs. the cold (though, I don't much like the cold).

Also, the kids I know that visit their parents most often (who did not stay near their parents) have a parent that moved to a place that is warm during the Winter...Florida, Arizona, California.

I plan on two moves...call it the empty nester move from 55-65...which gives my kids time to figure out their life situations. Probably would then look to make another move to be near to one.

[Anonymous]

Let her talk. No use is being unpleasant until it is needed, it won’t change anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Indian American BIL and wife just ignore my MIL when she starts going on and on about that topic. Then they change the subject and start talking to their young kids like that haven’t heard a word of what she said.

I’m not Indian myself so I wasn’t sure how to respond to her, so now I just do what they do.

I bet that there is not much money in the family.

Though, your MIL may outlive your DH and BIL. Or even the DILs. You never know which one of you will die first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay silent, and move wherever and whenever you want. Adults don't get to control other adults.

+1

It isn't worth arguing about when it's not even happening. Just say "ok" and move on.

[Anonymous]

She's not your mother. Let you DH and SIL handle this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your MIL is a typical Boomer and expects everything to revolve around her wants and needs. You don’t have to do anything to address it and should continue to live your life as you please. She is not your problem.

This poster is just so obnoxious. She pipes in with this generalization every single time. It’s disgusting. I can’t wait till she’s old and nobody wants her around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Indian American BIL and wife just ignore my MIL when she starts going on and on about that topic. Then they change the subject and start talking to their young kids like that haven’t heard a word of what she said.

I’m not Indian myself so I wasn’t sure how to respond to her, so now I just do what they do.

I bet that there is not much money in the family.

Though, your MIL may outlive your DH and BIL. Or even the DILs. You never know which one of you will die first.

Money actually isn’t an issue. They are the typical Indian family of engineers, physicians and bankers. It’s more cultural that they don’t leave their parents in nursing homes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother demonizes anyone who moves away, puts their parents in AL or basically doesn't cater to their elderly parents. She also barely lifted a finger for her own elderly parents. Her sister who was put in AL is in much better shape. It's a luxury place and it was for her and my uncle's safety. My mother also tries all sorts of far worse manipulations-making threats, hurling insults, etc to get people to fall into line.

Sometimes you just have to learn to detach with love for your own survival. We had some major stressors (life threatening health issue) and just could no longer cater....

This is the part I don't see mentioned often. Many of us are also old/elderly and now we are supposed to care for people who are even older?

It's a big problem and worthy of it's own thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 80-year-old mother-in-law has made it clear that she expects her two kids to never move out of the area as long as she is alive, because she will probably need help as she ages. When extended family has chosen to go south after retirement, she always comments about them leaving their elderly parents and how wrong that seems. She spent years tending to her own elderly mother, who took in her own elderly father, so I assume it's a generational thing.

MIL is closer, physically and emotionally, to her other child (not my spouse). And she does have enough money to pay for care. But even without those factors, we don't think it's fair to burden adult children with the expectation that they will put their lives--and, honestly, their own golden years--on hold to be at a parent's beck and call.

Do we discuss this with her, or just stay silent when she makes these comments?

She sounds insane. Have you had her evaluated for dementia yet? I would.