Concerned about DIL and Granddaughter bond

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Mind your business grandma. Not your child.

Sounds like grandma would do a better job raising it than it’s mother.

[Anonymous]

OP, please remember you may not have the entire picture. There could be medical, financial, or personal concerns you don’t know anything about that are weighing on your DIL.

If you speak up about what you think you are seeing, you have the potential to damage your relationship with your DIL for the rest of your life. There is absolutely no risk associated with being a loving and supportive grandmother who does not voice all of her observations about her son and DIL and their family.

[Anonymous]

My niece is like this with my SIL. I just leave it alone.

[Anonymous]

This is not in your lane. Stay in your lane.

[Anonymous]

MYB. I will say, similarly I noticed our second wasn't receiving as much attention from DH when he was small. I thought I was imagining it as the other parent, but our sitter mentioned it as well. The circumstance improved eventually - but I was grateful. Unless this kid's Dad has articulated a concern, stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

you DEFINITELY do not have the whole picture and even if you did, stay out of it

"attractive" by "most" accounts?

[Anonymous]

You sound like a nightmare of a MIL. Who cares if your granddaughter is "attractive"? What does that have to do with anything?

I'd tell you to mind your own business, but actually, you should tell your DIL exactly what you think...so she knows to avoid you.

[Anonymous]

My SIL was like this with her oldest kid. She clearly favored her younger kids. It was sad to see but nothing to do other than give my oldest nephew more attention. He has done well in college but sometimes my SIL will say stuff like “Oh, Larlo couldn’t wait to go to college and was done with us at 16 - he stopped really spending time at home and just studied and did his sport. Ha Ha.” Hard to bite my tongue there.

[Anonymous]

Ok, Gma’s post isn’t perfect. But it doesn’t mean she doesn’t have a valid concern.

My own kids went through stages where they preferred one parent over the other. When I was not the preferred one, it was hard to be rejected. Of course I didn’t stop paying attention to her. But, for example, to take her to the restroom, I would not suggest that I take her because that would turn into her saying she wanted daddy and that hurt. Also embarrassing when others were around. So we would just lead with - daddy is taking you, especially in a restaurant. Of course, there is some cause and effect to that because then Dd started preferring DH more. But in the end, it was a phase. We tried to find things only she and I could do, like baking, which helped.

I guess the thing is that I tried to engage (but not always when other people were around because we didn’t want a scene). Is DIL disengaged completely or just laying low when others are around?

[Anonymous]

Maybe she hates the way you are with her younger child and wants to protect him from you but has fewer fears about the elder

[Anonymous]

My sister openly favors her middle son - her eldest was the second coming until the second came along following a string of miscarriages… eldest now acts and looks like his father (who my sister divorced) and he is no longer in favor. I try to be extra nice to him and my mother texts him and checks in on him, but it’s not really our business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My granddaughter is 6, and by most accounts she’s a pleasant, attractive child. She and her cousins play well together but she and her little brother can both be a little hyper and show off sometimes. But I have some concerns about my DIL and her daughter’s bond.

Ever since she had her second who is now 4, my DIL has been seemingly disengaged with her oldest. The oldest before was an easy baby but to me isn’t very affectionate with her mother at all. I don’t think I’ve seen her pick her daughter up or play with her ever and we spend a good deal of time together. Granddaughter is a very affectionate kid but always goes to her dad, myself, or DH. She plays very well with her cousins but is very attached to stuffed animals still and always has the favorite one with her and sometimes a few others, even brings them on the school bus, and gets sad when you say she can’t take it with her. I worry that this is due to my DIL ignoring her.

I have a lot of grandkids the same ages who are much more attached to their mothers and to be clear I don’t suspect that granddaughter is being abused, but I do suspect she’s being ignored but I don’t want to seem like the mean MIL! How would you address this?

Did trump write this?!

[Anonymous]

This grandmother sounds insufferable

[Anonymous]

The granddaughter is “attractive”? Would OP have different opinions if her granddaughter were ugly? WITW!

[Anonymous]

I could read this as the opposite: this child's bond with her mother is so strong the child feels confident enough to explore and deepen relationships with people who are not her primary caretaker (ie: you).