Mom weight comments

[Anonymous]

Your mom and grandma are skinny and fierce and proud of it.

This is tough, but you literally have to ignore her. I think it is fine to tell her that you and your doctor are happy with your weight, but, it will not change her behavior. Your great grandma probably said this shit to your grandma, who said it to your mom, who now says it to you. Best you can do is break the cycle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is 180 for someone that tall overweight? Doesn’t sound like it to me!

It's hard to imagine, but, I'm guessing these women have thin frames, so maybe 180 looks big.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adding to the beach vacation drama, lol - my family went on our annual beach and SO many body comments about a teen cousins acne and my own body. For some context I’ve gained about 25 pounds the last 6 months, I’m right under 180 at 6 feet tall and my mom and grandma are the same height and weigh around 145. For some background I moved apartments this spring and also got a new sales job that pays very well but requires me to be working from about 8 am - 8pm most nights with a ton of travel mixed in but this is seasonal, so I’ve barely been home but I do a ton of workout classes and eat clean (not low cal). I’ve also had multiple friend weddings and weekend getaways this spring so makes sense. To look at me I look toned but I’m not ultra skinny if that makes sense and my stomach does usually look bloated on vacation so makes sense.

But I just for home and my mom has called me EVERY DAY asking if I’ve dropped weight since vacation, sent me miralax pills to make bloating going away, and ordered me a new scale. Don’t get me wrong she and my grandma have talked about peoples bodies my whole life but this seems so wrong. I’ve called her out multiple times and told her it’s inappropriate and she says “you’re just mad because you know I’m right”. How do you handle this?

Also for some background, since I’ve gained weight my horrible pms symptoms have totally cleared up and I’m able to push myself more in the gym now that I’ve gained weight

If you ever figure it out, let me know.

I've battled this my entire life with my mother, and I've also internalized it (which is stupid, and it sucks). The only thing that has stopped it is losing weight.

[Anonymous]

OP BMI is in healthy range.

[Anonymous]

I would tell my mom to shut up, reduce contact and then hang up on her with any mention of it. And I’m not particularly confrontational. Her behavior is totally outrageous and disordered. You don’t have to be the victim of your mom’s eating disorder.

Frankly, the fact that you felt the need to give us a ton of justification about your weight means you have internalized a lot of your mom’s insanity around weight. You already have objective measures by which your body is telling you it feels better at a slightly higher weight. Consider if you need to do a few sessions with an eating disorder therapist to wrap your brain around how messed up your mom’s messaging is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my mom to shut up, reduce contact and then hang up on her with any mention of it. And I’m not particularly confrontational. Her behavior is totally outrageous and disordered. You don’t have to be the victim of your mom’s eating disorder.

Frankly, the fact that you felt the need to give us a ton of justification about your weight means you have internalized a lot of your mom’s insanity around weight. You already have objective measures by which your body is telling you it feels better at a slightly higher weight. Consider if you need to do a few sessions with an eating disorder therapist to wrap your brain around how messed up your mom’s messaging is.

Yes! I felt this too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adding to the beach vacation drama, lol - my family went on our annual beach and SO many body comments about a teen cousins acne and my own body. For some context I’ve gained about 25 pounds the last 6 months, I’m right under 180 at 6 feet tall and my mom and grandma are the same height and weigh around 145. For some background I moved apartments this spring and also got a new sales job that pays very well but requires me to be working from about 8 am - 8pm most nights with a ton of travel mixed in but this is seasonal, so I’ve barely been home but I do a ton of workout classes and eat clean (not low cal). I’ve also had multiple friend weddings and weekend getaways this spring so makes sense. To look at me I look toned but I’m not ultra skinny if that makes sense and my stomach does usually look bloated on vacation so makes sense.

But I just for home and my mom has called me EVERY DAY asking if I’ve dropped weight since vacation, sent me miralax pills to make bloating going away, and ordered me a new scale. Don’t get me wrong she and my grandma have talked about peoples bodies my whole life but this seems so wrong. I’ve called her out multiple times and told her it’s inappropriate and she says “you’re just mad because you know I’m right”. How do you handle this?

Also for some background, since I’ve gained weight my horrible pms symptoms have totally cleared up and I’m able to push myself more in the gym now that I’ve gained weight

Troll

[Anonymous]

OP -- I would just chalk this up to generational differences. I feel like our moms and grandmothers tied so much of their self-worth on their appearance. We... don't have to do that. I know what value I bring to the world and none of it relates to how I look. I keep my body as strong and healthy as I can so that I can be present for my family and hopefully not be a burden to anyone as I age. I'm not sweating a few pounds up or down... You aren't going to change them, as the misogyny is deep in their bones, but you can break the cycle for yourself and your kids.

[Anonymous]

My mom pulls this crap and as my DD got older I realized that she was going to hear it directly or overhear it. My mom believes that other people’s appearance are fair game for her commentary but that she is somehow not. I grew up hearing her pick apart random strangers, waitresses, cashiers, friends, relatives, and, eventually, me.

We have very limited contact with my mom now and my DD does not talk to her on the phone and only FaceTimes if I’m right there. As soon as the negative chatter pops up I take the iPad from DD and hang up, and have gone months without talking to her when she’s come out with a comment about my body or hair or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Mom, maybe if you didn't obsess about being so skinny, your face might not look so old. Maybe you should stay out of the sun so you don't look 200 by the end of the year.

Mom, it is 2025. Obsessing over other people's physical imperfections just makes you look like an ass.

[Anonymous]

Wow what a b! I'm so sorry op, it must be really hard to hear from someone who is supposed to love you.

Ive lost some weight over the past year, and my MIL has been SO RUDE to my husband. She makes comments about me to him in an effort to shame him. She doesnt do this while I'm around otherwise I'd have said something. I feel so bad for him. It breaks my heart to hear someones MOTHER berating them like that.

[Anonymous]

"Mother, the only body you are allowed to manage is your own."

[Anonymous]

Whenever she mentions your weight, get off the phone

"Whoops, time to head to the gym"
"I've got to hang up, Mom, the laxatives just kicked in"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom, maybe if you didn't obsess about being so skinny, your face might not look so old. Maybe you should stay out of the sun so you don't look 200 by the end of the year.

[Anonymous]

They are a-holes. Just horrible.