Mom weight comments

[Anonymous]

Adding to the beach vacation drama, lol - my family went on our annual beach and SO many body comments about a teen cousins acne and my own body. For some context I’ve gained about 25 pounds the last 6 months, I’m right under 180 at 6 feet tall and my mom and grandma are the same height and weigh around 145. For some background I moved apartments this spring and also got a new sales job that pays very well but requires me to be working from about 8 am - 8pm most nights with a ton of travel mixed in but this is seasonal, so I’ve barely been home but I do a ton of workout classes and eat clean (not low cal). I’ve also had multiple friend weddings and weekend getaways this spring so makes sense. To look at me I look toned but I’m not ultra skinny if that makes sense and my stomach does usually look bloated on vacation so makes sense.

But I just for home and my mom has called me EVERY DAY asking if I’ve dropped weight since vacation, sent me miralax pills to make bloating going away, and ordered me a new scale. Don’t get me wrong she and my grandma have talked about peoples bodies my whole life but this seems so wrong. I’ve called her out multiple times and told her it’s inappropriate and she says “you’re just mad because you know I’m right”. How do you handle this?

Also for some background, since I’ve gained weight my horrible pms symptoms have totally cleared up and I’m able to push myself more in the gym now that I’ve gained weight

[Anonymous]

I'd say something. "I'm comfortable with my body and ask that you don't bring this up again. It is hurtful and not your concern as I am an adult who is in charge of my own well-being"

[Anonymous]

Oh my, this is awful. I would just be firm and say that your weight is not to be discussed again. Ever.

[Anonymous]

Oh man, that's a bummer. PPs have it right. Tell her it's off-limits, period. As a mom of a young adult daughter, I try to be so careful of things I say and don't, but know I make mistakes every day. I would never, ever act like that. You sound healthy and fit. Keep it up!

[Anonymous]

I would tell her that she’s given you her unsolicited opinion and advice multiple times now, and if she wants to preserve your relationship she will stop. If she persists, she will harm your relationship and force you to communicate with her less. Be BLUNT.

[Anonymous]

Your mom is an anorexic B.

[Anonymous]

Is 180 for someone that tall overweight? Doesn’t sound like it to me!

[Anonymous]

Years ago, my MIL fat-shamed my college age DD for the very last time. This was the last straw for DD who asked for an apology and never got it. So, DD now only sees her grandparents maybe once a year. Grandparents still perplexed by DD’s absence.

As is the case in DH family of origin, the problematic person is never confronted, never held accountable and any and all victims are considered cold hearted, overly sensitive types who can’t just move on.

[Anonymous]

Your mother is very rude.
Id firmly let her know your weight and child’s acne is none of her concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Years ago, my MIL fat-shamed my college age DD for the very last time. This was the last straw for DD who asked for an apology and never got it. So, DD now only sees her grandparents maybe once a year. Grandparents still perplexed by DD’s absence.

As is the case in DH family of origin, the problematic person is never confronted, never held accountable and any and all victims are considered cold hearted, overly sensitive types who can’t just move on.

Good for your DD! So sorry she has to deal with this.

My mother is similar. She hasn’t picked on my weight (she bullies me in other ways) but she and my father are vicious toward my brother’s wife. Brother is a wimp who never cut the cord and doesn’t stand up for her. I am no contact.

[Anonymous]

SOunds like you have found a healthy and strong weight range for you, and that your body is telling you that clearly.

Good for you!!!

Not sure how to send you strength for getting your the obnoxious and wildly distorted thinking of your family members out of your way...

[Anonymous]

Your BMI is normal and your mom and grandma are nuts. As others said, your body is clearly telling you this weight works for you. Sending you laxatives is disturbed behavior (and miralax should not be used unless a doctor suggests it even if it is over the counter.) Calling you every day to hound you is beyond disturbing.

I would set boundaries and be prepared for her to disrespect them which means you will need to step back and see her less. Let her know your BMI is normal, this weight agrees with you, you exercise and eat healthy and make it clear she must stop with the calls and the laxative packages.

Out of curiosity do they maintain their weight in a healthy way or are they restricting/binging/purging/eating junk/taking diet pills? If they are showing disordered patterns, I would let them know you are concerned and they should talk to a doctor!

[Anonymous]

"Mom, my body is not up for discussion. If you bring it up again I will hang up immediately."

Then follow through.

[Anonymous]

Mother and sis are low normal BMI. Are they very interested in their weight, calorie intake, exercise?
Uh-huh.

[Anonymous]

I'd just ... hang up the phone on her every time she says something. Let her figure it out.