Slow paced kid also on purposely slow

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is low processing speed with ADHD and autism. Kids who are inattentive will get distracted constantly, and kids who are anxious and perfectionist will tend to be careful in everything they do.

You absolutely need to pay for a full neuropsychological evaluation (Stixrud's is very good, ask for Dr. Henderson). Formal diagnoses will get her extended time accommodations in school, which will become essential for keeping up her grades. She may qualify for an IEP (my son did), or a 504 plan, and be eligible for a resource class in place of an elective, where she can catch up on work and get time management help from a teacher. She might also benefit from a social skills group to get her to be more flexible socially.

My son is like this. His processing speed was measured at the 4th percentile! When he was little, it would take him 10 whole minutes to tie his shoes! After school he would take all available time for homework. He could not stop himself from daydreaming. In high school, he went to bed after midnight and got up at 6am.

What helped:

1. Adderall, the most powerful stimulant for ADHD. While meds for ADHD aren't supposed to shorten processing speed, they do in practice because they reduce kids' tendencies to daydream and distract themselves.

2. Nagging, ie "executive unction coaching" by us, the parents. He needed multiple reminders to get up, get dressed, eat and go out the door, and after school, to do his homework, eat dinner, shower and get into bed. CONSTANT REDIRECTION for 18 years, OP. It was difficult for the family. We couldn't outsource it, because the most critical times were outside of business hours, in our own home. We had many arguments to try to get him to lessen his rigid thinking about everything.

And now, in college, our lives are much better. One, he has less work than in high school. Two, the work is to his liking, WHICH IS KEY TO HIS PRODUCTIVITY. People with this profile are capable of hyperfocus and also extreme rejection. High school in that regard was very difficult for my son, because he had a lot of required busywork he just didn't like. Now in college he takes only classes he likes.
And with maturity, I hope he will be able to better tolerate things he needs to do but doesn't like doing (like filing taxes).

I wanted to say that maybe it's ADHD with autism in your child's case but this is not universal. I have the very similar child (above) and she has questionable ADHD and no autism. She did 2 full neuropsych exams (first at Children's and then we private-payed for one at Stixrud) and independent of each other (they had no idea of what the other found) they came to the same conclusion. No autism at all. Possible atypical ADHD.
Kids are complex. (Humans are complex!)

[Anonymous]

Hi it’s OP, thank you for sharing your experience and giving suggestions to help DD. DD’s on wait list for testing since school rejected IEP/504, neither school nor pediatrician was helpful. We had tried the timer method but it didn’t work for DD as she didn’t want to or forgot to set time. As DD’s nearly 13 she fights more, and wants to take control of her own, like ran to her room for change outfit right before leaving. Punishment like taking phone away doesn’t really matter to her, the kids must have access to laptop for homework ( public school). DD’s not very social and had had more than 10 therapy sessions but she hated it. The good thing was she made few good friends later. We told DD not to bring book nor phone to bathroom, then she draw on the wall. For homework part, DD knows how to do and doesn’t refuse to do homework ( she cares about school and gets good grades ), but it must be slow processing speed related. I just keep reminds DD and it makes both of us really mad about each other. Yesterday morning I told DD I only woke her up, then it’s on her own to figure out, what she needed to do before leaving at a set time for volunteering work, and surprisingly she made it on time. We will try other suggestions here to see if works on DD.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter is 12, if she draws on the wall in the bathroom she can repaint it and lose her phone generally for a week.

You need to discipline this child for bad behavior, not for being slow. If you say it is time to go and she runs off to change, that isn’t being slow that is deliberate choice to not listen. Not acceptable because she is openly disrespecting you and also disrespecting your time and the time of those wherever you are going.


Don’t punish her for being slow, punish her for the consequences that cause problems when she is not ready on time.