Coach Asking for Our U13 Cell Numbers to Communicate Directly

[Anonymous]

Cancel the phone. Sorry my son doesn’t have one. Here is mine…

[Anonymous]

Listen to your gut. Our coach has also requested that the kids communicate directly with him but copy/include a parent on any exchanges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in a bit of conundrum. My son left his car with his coach to play on a new team the coaches forming. He loves the coach – we all do- and loves the teammates. However, the coach always asks my son to give him his private cell phone number and he asks all the other parents as well saying that he needs it to send them information that will help them play well. I happen to know this is a safe sport violation, and coaches should never be in contact with minor players without an adult included. I’m not going to bring this up in the parent chat because I know I will lose my kid playing time next year. However, I’m uncomfortable with the whole situation. What do I do?? Approach the coach and let him know that this is a safe sport violation and could lose him his license? The coach is not a bad guy but may not know this rule. Let the other parents know this is a bad idea and let them choose for themselves? They worship the coach and there’s a cultish vibe. Do what I have been doing, which is shut up and do nothing and be sure my own kid (still 11) doesn’t communicate with any adult without me included ? The kids in question are 11 to 15, this particular group of kids is 11-12.
The club owner is kind of shady so I’m not bringing it up with him.

So many red flags here. Safe sport violation? Worship? Cultish vibe? Not a bad guy but may not know this rule? Trust your instincts.

[Anonymous]

If it’s a group chat I thought it is okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two thoughts: 1) Suggest TeamSnap or Playmetrics, so the team can communicate like every other team out there. There is a free version of TS or you can offer to buy it for the team for about $100. 2) Your kid is 11. You should have the ability (there are apps) to read EVERY message that hits his phone. Every one. And you should at least be periodically checking it.

This is the best suggestion you will get. It keeps everyone honest and safe!

[Anonymous]

Every coach (and manager) has to go through Safesport training. They are very much aware that this is not allowed.

[Anonymous]

I would act like a friend just told me this and put it in the group chat. Not accusatory but to make sure he doesn’t get in trouble.

[Anonymous]

Nothing about this scenario is okay, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two thoughts: 1) Suggest TeamSnap or Playmetrics, so the team can communicate like every other team out there. There is a free version of TS or you can offer to buy it for the team for about $100. 2) Your kid is 11. You should have the ability (there are apps) to read EVERY message that hits his phone. Every one. And you should at least be periodically checking it.

We all have team snap and a group chat for the parents on the new team. He had plenty of ways to communicate. My kid is one of the few without a cellphone and they are all 11/12 which is crazy! Even if my kid had a phone I wouldn’t give it to him or allow him to contact my child. I’m just worried other parents don’t know this is a red flag. Ah well.

[Anonymous]

You say “You can text or email me and I will make sure Larlo gets the information.”

[Anonymous]

I had to take the safe sport certification and what the coach is doing is definitely not permissible at all. In fact, your club admin must address and/or report this misconduct as part of their certification with safesport.

If your admin is not doing so, there is an anonymous way to report. It may be that you reporting just triggers a warning to the coach and a reminder about proper etiquette. Or it may be that it triggers an investigation depending on if there is evidence that suggests further misconduct.

https://www.ussoccer.com/safeguarding/report-a-concern

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in a bit of conundrum. My son left his car with his coach to play on a new team the coaches forming. He loves the coach – we all do- and loves the teammates. However, the coach always asks my son to give him his private cell phone number and he asks all the other parents as well saying that he needs it to send them information that will help them play well. I happen to know this is a safe sport violation, and coaches should never be in contact with minor players without an adult included. I’m not going to bring this up in the parent chat because I know I will lose my kid playing time next year. However, I’m uncomfortable with the whole situation. What do I do?? Approach the coach and let him know that this is a safe sport violation and could lose him his license? The coach is not a bad guy but may not know this rule. Let the other parents know this is a bad idea and let them choose for themselves? They worship the coach and there’s a cultish vibe. Do what I have been doing, which is shut up and do nothing and be sure my own kid (still 11) doesn’t communicate with any adult without me included ? The kids in question are 11 to 15, this particular group of kids is 11-12.
The club owner is kind of shady so I’m not bringing it up with him.

You have your tween in a club with shady owner? And are more worried about playing time than safety of your minor child? Smh.

[Anonymous]

That’s weird. Very weird.

I have a college kid and a rising HS senior.

Around u16/17/18- they will decent text coach if they have to miss a practice, etc ask a question- but there was never calling and chatting and long txts, etc

That is very weird and the only time I knew of this was a girls team at a big DMV well-known club and the coach was having inappropriate texts with a 14 year old player and fired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s weird. Very weird.

I have a college kid and a rising HS senior.

Around u16/17/18- they will decent text coach if they have to miss a practice, etc ask a question- but there was never calling and chatting and long txts, etc

That is very weird and the only time I knew of this was a girls team at a big DMV well-known club and the coach was having inappropriate texts with a 14 year old player and fired.

^ my kids are boys and had all boy coaches. I would still feel weird about it at U13. My kids didn’t carry a phone then either.

[Anonymous]

wtf??? That’s weird. Our coach sends the info to the players via playmatrix. Parents can be on the account too.