How to talk to sibling about niece?

[Anonymous]

What you are describing might (?) be elevated during the school year if she is going into 1st grade.

Is she in public school? In theory - public school has a child find responsibility and will initiated the process as this is going to impact the classroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s very possible she has a therapist and/or psychiatrist and they are keeping it private. Don’t push and don’t compare to your NT child.

Mom of two anxious young adults (one of whom is on the spectrum).

This is OP. I know for sure that she does not. Our cousin is her after school caregiver/nanny (and has also pointed out to my brother/SIL that she is very anxious) and would likely be the one taking her to appts.

That’s too bad. Hopefully teachers will raise the issue. It could be that your brother and sil do not want to hear anything negative about their daughter and don’t believe in therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, thanks all. Got the message and won’t say anything else about it. My goal is not to get my niece a diagnosis, it’s to get her some help after experiencing her behavior for a couple weeks and feeling bad for her daily struggles.

And re: my friend the SLP, she only made the comment after seeing my sister try to negotiate with my niece and deal with an epic meltdown she had when we ran into her. My friend was coming from a place of sympathy assuming my niece was on the spectrum. I don’t necessarily think she is (not sure it matters either way) but it opened my eyes even more that outsiders see my niece for just 20 mins and think her behavior is abnormal.

SLPs aren't qualified to diagnose autism anyway so I sure as sh*t would'nt mention THAT to them. But I agree, MYOB, and just be a present and supportive aunt.

[Anonymous]

I’m gathering that you talk about this child’s behavior with your cousin, your friend who is an SLP, and DCUM at a minimum. Please stop gossiping about this child.

My mom often intimates that there is something wrong with my child. There is nothing wrong with her, but she does have several diagnoses. We will never tell my mom because her behavior shows she’s not trustworthy with this information. She will forever think we aren’t getting my child help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s very possible she has a therapist and/or psychiatrist and they are keeping it private. Don’t push and don’t compare to your NT child.

Mom of two anxious young adults (one of whom is on the spectrum).

This is OP. I know for sure that she does not. Our cousin is her after school caregiver/nanny (and has also pointed out to my brother/SIL that she is very anxious) and would likely be the one taking her to appts.

Why are you talking about this with your cousin?!

[Anonymous]

Say NOTHING else. And your friend is a nosy and inappropriate busybody. SLPs have no business diagnosing or speculating about autism, even from a place of "sympathy." They are unqualified to render such viewpoints.

[Anonymous]

My first born (girl) is on the spectrum. Maybe because she was first born, we ignored the signs until a pre-school teacher (over the course of two years) continually and persistently hit us over the head with her view that our daughter needed a diagnosis and help. We didn’t want to hear that, and were kinda pissed at that teacher. County Child Fine assessment found nothing (they never do unless there’s a 2-year delay) so we rode that horse for awhile. But that pre-school teacher just would not stop interfering! We thank God now that she persisted. We finally got a private neuropsychological assessment and bombarded DD with relatively early interventions which in my view changed the trajectory of her life. She’s about to graduate from college. If that one pre-school teacher had back off, I shudder to think where my DD would be now. You need to decide if you have it in you to alienate your brother and SIL to change this girl’s life. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You already DID talk to them. You're finished. Let it go. They get to parent the way they want to. You can't control that.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m gathering that you talk about this child’s behavior with your cousin, your friend who is an SLP, and DCUM at a minimum. Please stop gossiping about this child.

My mom often intimates that there is something wrong with my child. There is nothing wrong with her, but she does have several diagnoses. We will never tell my mom because her behavior shows she’s not trustworthy with this information. She will forever think we aren’t getting my child help.

So your kid obviously has issues and you are teaching her she needs to hide them. Congratulations to you???

[Anonymous]

Stop gossiping about this with people. Your SIL and brother probably told your cousin/nanny not to disclose anything to you. They have already told you they are not interested in engaging with you about it. MYOB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m gathering that you talk about this child’s behavior with your cousin, your friend who is an SLP, and DCUM at a minimum. Please stop gossiping about this child.

My mom often intimates that there is something wrong with my child. There is nothing wrong with her, but she does have several diagnoses. We will never tell my mom because her behavior shows she’s not trustworthy with this information. She will forever think we aren’t getting my child help.

Your mother suggesting that you may want to have your child undergo an evaluation so she can receives supports to help her means that your mom is untrustworthy? It sounds like your mom is concerned about her grandchild and you need somewhere where you need to direct your anger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, thanks all. Got the message and won’t say anything else about it. My goal is not to get my niece a diagnosis, it’s to get her some help after experiencing her behavior for a couple weeks and feeling bad for her daily struggles.

And re: my friend the SLP, she only made the comment after seeing my sister try to negotiate with my niece and deal with an epic meltdown she had when we ran into her. My friend was coming from a place of sympathy assuming my niece was on the spectrum. I don’t necessarily think she is (not sure it matters either way) but it opened my eyes even more that outsiders see my niece for just 20 mins and think her behavior is abnormal.

SLPs aren't qualified to diagnose autism anyway so I sure as sh*t would'nt mention THAT to them. But I agree, MYOB, and just be a present and supportive aunt.

The SLP has probably worked with a number of NT kids and has a good sense of the landscape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, thanks all. Got the message and won’t say anything else about it. My goal is not to get my niece a diagnosis, it’s to get her some help after experiencing her behavior for a couple weeks and feeling bad for her daily struggles.

And re: my friend the SLP, she only made the comment after seeing my sister try to negotiate with my niece and deal with an epic meltdown she had when we ran into her. My friend was coming from a place of sympathy assuming my niece was on the spectrum. I don’t necessarily think she is (not sure it matters either way) but it opened my eyes even more that outsiders see my niece for just 20 mins and think her behavior is abnormal.

SLPs aren't qualified to diagnose autism anyway so I sure as sh*t would'nt mention THAT to them. But I agree, MYOB, and just be a present and supportive aunt.

The SLP has probably worked with a number of NT kids and has a good sense of the landscape.

Still completely inappropriate for friend to reach out and ask about OPs niece. I'm qualified more than most to diagnose various issues. I would never reach out to a friend and say "hey, does your niece have autism? Noticed some signs the other day when we were all hanging out". It's just so inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, thanks all. Got the message and won’t say anything else about it. My goal is not to get my niece a diagnosis, it’s to get her some help after experiencing her behavior for a couple weeks and feeling bad for her daily struggles.

And re: my friend the SLP, she only made the comment after seeing my sister try to negotiate with my niece and deal with an epic meltdown she had when we ran into her. My friend was coming from a place of sympathy assuming my niece was on the spectrum. I don’t necessarily think she is (not sure it matters either way) but it opened my eyes even more that outsiders see my niece for just 20 mins and think her behavior is abnormal.

SLPs aren't qualified to diagnose autism anyway so I sure as sh*t would'nt mention THAT to them. But I agree, MYOB, and just be a present and supportive aunt.

The SLP has probably worked with a number of NT kids and has a good sense of the landscape.

Still completely inappropriate for friend to reach out and ask about OPs niece. I'm qualified more than most to diagnose various issues. I would never reach out to a friend and say "hey, does your niece have autism? Noticed some signs the other day when we were all hanging out". It's just so inappropriate.

I find it hard to believe that OP's SLP friend reached out to her out of the blue and asked that question. My guess is OP asked her opinion/gossiped to her about her niece.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sadly, OP, you have to wait for the behaviors to get even worse before they'll be willing to seek professional help. If you come on too strong, you will push further into denial. I've witnessed that in action.

Ultimately it's useless to scare them with diagnoses like autism, even if that's what she may have. What she needs is anxiety management, and you can gently remind her parents to address that with a professional and read up on the topic... but it's going to be an uphill battle, even if they're both engaged and motivated. I'm a 45 year old anxious mother with two anxious kids, one of whom is on the spectrum. It's a lifelong condition and it needs to be managed. This family will realize this at some point.

This, OP. You’ve tried to help and there really isn’t a ton you can do aside from limiting your child’s time with their cousin if their cousin’s behavior exhausts them. We have family and friends who have been resistant to evaluations and in one case it will probably take the child’s mainstream private school counseling the child out or threatening to do so (they came close to doing so last year) because the parents are resistant to any label other than ADHD despite clear defects associated with ASD and fairly severe motor challenges. The other family recently received a diagnosis for their 13 year old after their teenager started to experience autistic burnout. They long suspected ASD but assumed that treatment for dyslexia and ADHD was enough, but their child needed more.