What kind of therapist for compulsive liar?

[Anonymous]

Oh God, no. Hard pass. Separate, if not divorce outright. If/when the liar cares enough to address their behavior, and rebuild trust via consistent behavior over time, maybe you can have a relationship. But how can you trust someone who's a "compulsive" liar (aka a low-integrity person)?

Absolute dealbreaker, this. And his mama saying he's always been this way?! Girl, DTMFA. Yikes on bikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh God, no. Hard pass. Separate, if not divorce outright. If/when the liar cares enough to address their behavior, and rebuild trust via consistent behavior over time, maybe you can have a relationship. But how can you trust someone who's a "compulsive" liar (aka a low-integrity person)?

Absolute dealbreaker, this. And his mama saying he's always been this way?! Girl, DTMFA. Yikes on bikes.

PP, as someone who was married to this exact scenario, I completely agree with you.

OP, it will never change. You will continue to live a nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi, we are trying to find ana appropriate mental health professional for my husband, who is a compulsive/pathological (?) liar. When I Google this, it seems could be rooted in a bunch of things ranging from trauma, ADHD, narcissistic personality, antisocial personality, psychopathy. Question is, where do we start with finding someone? Would a normal therapist/clinical social worker be good enough? Do we need a psychiatrist?

Is this a joke?

Save yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He needs a full evaluation by a psychologist, because there might be a range of diagnoses that can fit this profile. Psychologists are the experts at diagnosing.

Later on, with diagnoses in hand, if pharmaceutical treatment is necessary, he can consult a psychiatrist. Psychiatrists are experts in medication.

Type of therapy will depend on what diagnosis he has. This will be recommended by the psychologist.

True. You could start with a neuropsych test. He may agree to take one in order to prove he is as fine and normal as he tells himself he is. Buckle up.

[Anonymous]

Trauma therapy for you Op. if you’re not a troll doing a troll post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Psychiatrist & therapist evaluation & treatment for him. Lawyer and therapist for you. You do not want to spend the rest of your life with a compulsive liar, especially if you have kids. Protect yourself asap.

A compulsive liar will not respect “boundaries”. The will just lie about their behavior so as to appear as if they are respecting boundaries.

+10000

Has the deflecting, personal attacks, excuses, blaming you, and him playing the victim started already?

[Anonymous]

What type of thing does he lie about? Says he made the kids dentist appointments and called the roofer type lies or “I used to be bffs w bono” and “I won the top sales award for the tristate area?” It makes a big difference as to appropriate treatment (and prognosis.)

(If it’s the latter, have you read the nyt article or from a couple of years ago about the compulsive liar?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trauma therapy for you Op. if you’re not a troll doing a troll post.

I am a PP who was in a similar scenario. I did trauma therapy for a full year after leaving my ex. Best thing ever.

[Anonymous]

I am not looking for advice on path forward. I already told myself and told him that if he lies again, it's over.

The question is, in the meantime, assuming he is sincere in trying to address his issues, where to turn for help. He has an appt set up with a clinical social worker. Is that an ok starting place? Will that person be able to tell if husband needs someone more specialized?

And yes I will get therapy too, just havent gotten around to that search yet. Does insurance cover anything, or only certain things like addiction therapy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh God, no. Hard pass. Separate, if not divorce outright. If/when the liar cares enough to address their behavior, and rebuild trust via consistent behavior over time, maybe you can have a relationship. But how can you trust someone who's a "compulsive" liar (aka a low-integrity person)?

Absolute dealbreaker, this. And his mama saying he's always been this way?! Girl, DTMFA. Yikes on bikes.

The mama poster was someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not looking for advice on path forward. I already told myself and told him that if he lies again, it's over.

The question is, in the meantime, assuming he is sincere in trying to address his issues, where to turn for help. He has an appt set up with a clinical social worker. Is that an ok starting place? Will that person be able to tell if husband needs someone more specialized?

And yes I will get therapy too, just havent gotten around to that search yet. Does insurance cover anything, or only certain things like addiction therapy?

A clinical social worker might be able to help if the issue is: "He lies when he's overwhelmed or embarrassed, but feels badly about it" and he just needs to learn better coping/honesty strategies.

If the problem is different, it's really hard to know how effective therapy can be. My ex has been in therapy for years but still gets caught lying to me, and to his kids and family, pretty consistently. In his case, he just doesn't perceive lies as lies. If there is some kernel of truth there, based on a totally non-standard understanding of truth or the English language, he does not feel that he has lied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not looking for advice on path forward. I already told myself and told him that if he lies again, it's over.

The question is, in the meantime, assuming he is sincere in trying to address his issues, where to turn for help. He has an appt set up with a clinical social worker. Is that an ok starting place? Will that person be able to tell if husband needs someone more specialized?

And yes I will get therapy too, just havent gotten around to that search yet. Does insurance cover anything, or only certain things like addiction therapy?

My ex suffered from bipolar. His social worker said that he could go off of his meds. Good luck. You are in for another horrible several years until you make your kids’ first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the difference between the types of liars: pathological, compulsive, or just out of convenience? I don't think my husband lies on a daily basis like some compulsive liars. But he lied when he thinks it is just easier than having to deal with or explain the truth. I feel like it stems from some deep conflict avoidance, bad communication skills, and who knows what else. But over time he has become so comfortable lying.

What is the difference between a clinical psychologist and a clinical social worker? I am seeing a lot of therapist who are the latter, and it seems they deal with very similar issues as the former.

A clinical psychologist has a doctoral level degree, a clinical social worker usually has a master’s degree. The training is somewhat different. If the therapists that you’re considering are all experienced, I’d say that the critical factor would be the amount of experience and expertise the particular therapist has had with the types of concerns they’re being asked to address in treatment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not looking for advice on path forward. I already told myself and told him that if he lies again, it's over.

The question is, in the meantime, assuming he is sincere in trying to address his issues, where to turn for help. He has an appt set up with a clinical social worker. Is that an ok starting place? Will that person be able to tell if husband needs someone more specialized?

And yes I will get therapy too, just havent gotten around to that search yet. Does insurance cover anything, or only certain things like addiction therapy?

My ex suffered from bipolar. His social worker said that he could go off of his meds. Good luck. You are in for another horrible several years until you make your kids’ first.

Therapy works on the "garbage in, garbage out" principle. Liars will lie to their therapists, and then the "answers" they get are based in BS. Useless, or even worse than useless because the harm caused from ongoing BS justified by "Well, my therapist says..." is just painful

[Anonymous]

Agree. Look out for Flying Monkey therapists who want your $200 / session for zero progress and possibly degradation entirely.