Found important parts of my childhood in parent’s hoarder home…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Words of wisdom from my late mom, a military spouse who oversaw over 20 moves in my dad’s 30 year career: having very limited storage space in the form of a basement or attic is actually good - the more extra space you have the greater the temptation to save, collect, store, keep, box and stow, sight unseen! You forget what you already have and accumulate duplicates and more! Her motto was, “what are you saving this for?”

I’m PP with the ILs who hoard and am obsessed with decluttering and organizing and donating but admit it requires weekly trips to donate to thrift stores, scrupulous, ruthless consideration about everything that comes into our house and getting excited for trash day! I have a junk hauler come out once a year.

Not creating a future problem for my adult DC.

Weekly trips to donate items??

I've been taking a few things daily to goodwill its all I have time for and I pass by the goodwill everyday so it takes 1 extra minute to do it. Today I will take 3 large heavy reference books in almost new condition and two books on cd and anything else I find before 4pm. It's not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They were important to your parent, but they did not have the cognitive ability to find them again or remember where they were. I'm glad you got them back, OP.

This is the wrong thing to say to a child of hoarders. Signed, a COH

PP you replied to. Why?

I am the wife of a hoarder. I know my husband cares about the stuff he cannot sort. Hoarding is a mental illness that is linked to anxiety, autism and ADHD. The person does not have the executive function to sort through their stuff (ADHD). They are irrationally attached to their material things and cannot let them go (autism). And when they are pushed to get rid of most of it, and keep only a small fraction, they get incredibly emotional disturbed (anxiety).

I would appreciate getting your side of things, because to me, living with a hoarder, it's quite clear.

[Anonymous]

I am not even allowed in my hoarder parent's home, they are too ashamed.

I really dread having to clean out their home with over 40 years worth' of items.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They were important to your parent, but they did not have the cognitive ability to find them again or remember where they were. I'm glad you got them back, OP.

+1 some hoarders have no idea what’s in their board and what’s been lost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They were important to your parent, but they did not have the cognitive ability to find them again or remember where they were. I'm glad you got them back, OP.

This is the wrong thing to say to a child of hoarders. Signed, a COH

PP you replied to. Why?

I am the wife of a hoarder. I know my husband cares about the stuff he cannot sort. Hoarding is a mental illness that is linked to anxiety, autism and ADHD. The person does not have the executive function to sort through their stuff (ADHD). They are irrationally attached to their material things and cannot let them go (autism). And when they are pushed to get rid of most of it, and keep only a small fraction, they get incredibly emotional disturbed (anxiety).

I would appreciate getting your side of things, because to me, living with a hoarder, it's quite clear.

I am a child of hoarders. I grew up in hoarded house, so I lived with hoarders too. I did not have any agency in that decision, I was not an adult, I had no where else to live. I was a CHILD.

Raising a child in a hoarded house is a form of constant trauma and neglect. It's not like having a dysfunctional, alcoholic parent where you can hide in your room to escape. There is no escape. You don't even have a clean bed to sleep on. Or clean clothes. Or in some places running water. And god forbid ANYONE from school find out.

You are an adult. You also sound like an enabler, making excuses for your spouse and their behavior that has a direct and constant effect on others in the house. I hope you do not have children. Assigning meaning to whatever it is a hoarder hoards is buying into that hoarder's mental illness and enabling. Assigning meaning to the trash my parents refused to throw away, and to not allowing OP to get their meaningful momentoes they asked for and wanted is dismissing the abuse and neglect and the experience of children of hoarders. You are part of the problem. Hoarding is like any other addiction where it can have a direct effect on everyone surrounding the hoarder. You think it's just a little bit of ADHD or OCD? It's abuse. Please get help. And remove any children from this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They were important to your parent, but they did not have the cognitive ability to find them again or remember where they were. I'm glad you got them back, OP.

This is the wrong thing to say to a child of hoarders. Signed, a COH

PP you replied to. Why?

I am the wife of a hoarder. I know my husband cares about the stuff he cannot sort. Hoarding is a mental illness that is linked to anxiety, autism and ADHD. The person does not have the executive function to sort through their stuff (ADHD). They are irrationally attached to their material things and cannot let them go (autism). And when they are pushed to get rid of most of it, and keep only a small fraction, they get incredibly emotional disturbed (anxiety).

I would appreciate getting your side of things, because to me, living with a hoarder, it's quite clear.

I am a child of hoarders. I grew up in hoarded house, so I lived with hoarders too. I did not have any agency in that decision, I was not an adult, I had no where else to live. I was a CHILD.

Raising a child in a hoarded house is a form of constant trauma and neglect. It's not like having a dysfunctional, alcoholic parent where you can hide in your room to escape. There is no escape. You don't even have a clean bed to sleep on. Or clean clothes. Or in some places running water. And god forbid ANYONE from school find out.

You are an adult. You also sound like an enabler, making excuses for your spouse and their behavior that has a direct and constant effect on others in the house. I hope you do not have children. Assigning meaning to whatever it is a hoarder hoards is buying into that hoarder's mental illness and enabling. Assigning meaning to the trash my parents refused to throw away, and to not allowing OP to get their meaningful momentoes they asked for and wanted is dismissing the abuse and neglect and the experience of children of hoarders. You are part of the problem. Hoarding is like any other addiction where it can have a direct effect on everyone surrounding the hoarder. You think it's just a little bit of ADHD or OCD? It's abuse. Please get help. And remove any children from this.

PP you replied to. Our house is cleaned by me and my husband's hoarding is confined to the basement and his study, per multiple fights and the agreement we finally hashed out. I will always protect my children.

You need to calm down and understand that hoarding is on a spectrum. You cannot lash out in anger, call me names and assume that I am your parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:despite three moves by parent and the claim these items were lost in 1993.

I guess it’s true they were lost, but if I’d know they were in the hoard, I would have looked before now.

As someone who has been through the chore of cleaning up my parents house after they died, my advice to everyone with packrat parents is to GO NOW. Make the time to visit, look through the boxes and stacks, and get the things that matter to you. Your parents house should not be the storage unit for your childhood memorabilia.

My husband’s parents kept everything of his in their house, and when they moved, they dropped it all off at our house. We live in a small rowhouse, and all that junk filled the entire basement! It was crazy. I asked DH if he wanted any of it, and he didn’t even care enough to look, so I just threw them all out, sight unseen. I wish his parents and just thrown it out on their own!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:despite three moves by parent and the claim these items were lost in 1993.

I guess it’s true they were lost, but if I’d know they were in the hoard, I would have looked before now.

Were they really hoarders? Or did they just save things they liked and cherished?

Hoarders keep things like empty Styrofoam containers and pizza boxes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They were important to your parent, but they did not have the cognitive ability to find them again or remember where they were. I'm glad you got them back, OP.

This is the wrong thing to say to a child of hoarders. Signed, a COH

PP you replied to. Why?

I am the wife of a hoarder. I know my husband cares about the stuff he cannot sort. Hoarding is a mental illness that is linked to anxiety, autism and ADHD. The person does not have the executive function to sort through their stuff (ADHD). They are irrationally attached to their material things and cannot let them go (autism). And when they are pushed to get rid of most of it, and keep only a small fraction, they get incredibly emotional disturbed (anxiety).

I would appreciate getting your side of things, because to me, living with a hoarder, it's quite clear.

I am a child of hoarders. I grew up in hoarded house, so I lived with hoarders too. I did not have any agency in that decision, I was not an adult, I had no where else to live. I was a CHILD.

Raising a child in a hoarded house is a form of constant trauma and neglect. It's not like having a dysfunctional, alcoholic parent where you can hide in your room to escape. There is no escape. You don't even have a clean bed to sleep on. Or clean clothes. Or in some places running water. And god forbid ANYONE from school find out.

You are an adult. You also sound like an enabler, making excuses for your spouse and their behavior that has a direct and constant effect on others in the house. I hope you do not have children. Assigning meaning to whatever it is a hoarder hoards is buying into that hoarder's mental illness and enabling. Assigning meaning to the trash my parents refused to throw away, and to not allowing OP to get their meaningful momentoes they asked for and wanted is dismissing the abuse and neglect and the experience of children of hoarders. You are part of the problem. Hoarding is like any other addiction where it can have a direct effect on everyone surrounding the hoarder. You think it's just a little bit of ADHD or OCD? It's abuse. Please get help. And remove any children from this.

PP you replied to. Our house is cleaned by me and my husband's hoarding is confined to the basement and his study, per multiple fights and the agreement we finally hashed out. I will always protect my children.

You need to calm down and understand that hoarding is on a spectrum. You cannot lash out in anger, call me names and assume that I am your parent.

I can say whatever I want. Doesn’t sound like you’re protecting your children rather than make excuses. Who speaks for them? Maybe realize they may be angry with you when they grow up for excusing things on a spectrum as an excuse to allow them to live with a hoard. I called you an enabler, which you are. You need to hear it. You need profession help, so do your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Words of wisdom from my late mom, a military spouse who oversaw over 20 moves in my dad’s 30 year career: having very limited storage space in the form of a basement or attic is actually good - the more extra space you have the greater the temptation to save, collect, store, keep, box and stow, sight unseen! You forget what you already have and accumulate duplicates and more! Her motto was, “what are you saving this for?”

I’m PP with the ILs who hoard and am obsessed with decluttering and organizing and donating but admit it requires weekly trips to donate to thrift stores, scrupulous, ruthless consideration about everything that comes into our house and getting excited for trash day! I have a junk hauler come out once a year.

Not creating a future problem for my adult DC.

Weekly trips to donate items??

I for one am constantly donating things and I don't even have that much it's mostly books I've read and won't read again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They were important to your parent, but they did not have the cognitive ability to find them again or remember where they were. I'm glad you got them back, OP.

This is the wrong thing to say to a child of hoarders. Signed, a COH

PP you replied to. Why?

I am the wife of a hoarder. I know my husband cares about the stuff he cannot sort. Hoarding is a mental illness that is linked to anxiety, autism and ADHD. The person does not have the executive function to sort through their stuff (ADHD). They are irrationally attached to their material things and cannot let them go (autism). And when they are pushed to get rid of most of it, and keep only a small fraction, they get incredibly emotional disturbed (anxiety).

I would appreciate getting your side of things, because to me, living with a hoarder, it's quite clear.

Both of my parents have been hoarders since I was a child. They divorced when I was in my teens and each of their hoarding got progressively more severe when they went their separate ways. When my father died recently, I got to see the extent of the damage that hoarding did to my childhood home, having not been inside of the house in decades. Bugs, mold, structural damage from leaks. The house will have to be torn down and everything inside of it thrown away.

The house wasn't anywhere near this bad when I was living there. The hoarding started as piles of papers lying around, clutter on various surfaces, the house not being quite as clean as it should be. Eventually it progressed to a couple rooms in the house being non-traversable from junk and boxes. This had an enormous effect on me as a child. I developed allergies and breathing issues from the dust. I was too embarrassed to bring friends into the house. I became obsessed with keeping my room clean and minimal as a response to the chaos around me.

You can try to come up with explanations for the psychological reasons behind it all you want which is fine because you're an adult and at the end of the day, it's your choice to tolerate that kind of living environment. Children don't have a choice though and it's unfair to subject them to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Words of wisdom from my late mom, a military spouse who oversaw over 20 moves in my dad’s 30 year career: having very limited storage space in the form of a basement or attic is actually good - the more extra space you have the greater the temptation to save, collect, store, keep, box and stow, sight unseen! You forget what you already have and accumulate duplicates and more! Her motto was, “what are you saving this for?”

I’m PP with the ILs who hoard and am obsessed with decluttering and organizing and donating but admit it requires weekly trips to donate to thrift stores, scrupulous, ruthless consideration about everything that comes into our house and getting excited for trash day! I have a junk hauler come out once a year.

Not creating a future problem for my adult DC.

Weekly trips to donate items??

I for one am constantly donating things and I don't even have that much it's mostly books I've read and won't read again.

I’m PP quoted who makes weekly trips to drop off donations.

Here’s what I donated today;

Art supplies, books, extra kitchen utensils, candles, school supplies. (I have 3 young adults - one moved home after college and is sorting thru belongings and bedroom).

I save nothing that is no longer useful (donated boxes of those teardrop and vanity mirror light bulbs) once we renovated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They were important to your parent, but they did not have the cognitive ability to find them again or remember where they were. I'm glad you got them back, OP.

This is the wrong thing to say to a child of hoarders. Signed, a COH

PP you replied to. Why?

I am the wife of a hoarder. I know my husband cares about the stuff he cannot sort. Hoarding is a mental illness that is linked to anxiety, autism and ADHD. The person does not have the executive function to sort through their stuff (ADHD). They are irrationally attached to their material things and cannot let them go (autism). And when they are pushed to get rid of most of it, and keep only a small fraction, they get incredibly emotional disturbed (anxiety).

I would appreciate getting your side of things, because to me, living with a hoarder, it's quite clear.

I am a child of hoarders. I grew up in hoarded house, so I lived with hoarders too. I did not have any agency in that decision, I was not an adult, I had no where else to live. I was a CHILD.

Raising a child in a hoarded house is a form of constant trauma and neglect. It's not like having a dysfunctional, alcoholic parent where you can hide in your room to escape. There is no escape. You don't even have a clean bed to sleep on. Or clean clothes. Or in some places running water. And god forbid ANYONE from school find out.

You are an adult. You also sound like an enabler, making excuses for your spouse and their behavior that has a direct and constant effect on others in the house. I hope you do not have children. Assigning meaning to whatever it is a hoarder hoards is buying into that hoarder's mental illness and enabling. Assigning meaning to the trash my parents refused to throw away, and to not allowing OP to get their meaningful momentoes they asked for and wanted is dismissing the abuse and neglect and the experience of children of hoarders. You are part of the problem. Hoarding is like any other addiction where it can have a direct effect on everyone surrounding the hoarder. You think it's just a little bit of ADHD or OCD? It's abuse. Please get help. And remove any children from this.

PP you replied to. Our house is cleaned by me and my husband's hoarding is confined to the basement and his study, per multiple fights and the agreement we finally hashed out. I will always protect my children.

You need to calm down and understand that hoarding is on a spectrum. You cannot lash out in anger, call me names and assume that I am your parent.

Parents who lose their child’s baby pictures amid garbage through multiple moves aren’t confining the hoard to a couple spaces in their home.

Who is the parent protecting the child whose baby pictures are lost in garbage?