International travel with a needy kid

[Anonymous]

We’ve taken DD4 on two international trips and multiple cross-country trips to visit family. We don’t visit museums with her. It would be terrible for all involved and unfair to expect her to stroll quietly for hours. We stick to the Smithsonian where we can pop in and out at our leisure without any sunk cost. I think you need to re-evaluate your itinerary and what you’re trying to get out of this trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kid is too young for that type of trip. It's not fun for anyone.

This is not a fun trip for a little child. We did a lot of beach homes in resort areas at this age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone do international travel with sensitive kids who always seem to need you? Like exploring big European cities or roadtripping between cute villages, doing some museums, historical sites, good food, etc?

We're on a big trip like this now and I'm wondering what is normal and what others' experiences are like.

We do our best to keep to a routine when traveling - we're very strict with bedtime and separate sleeping spaces to ensure good sleep, we talk through everything we're going to do, try to bring little activities to keep them occupied, etc. We also make time to go to playgrounds, avoid fancy restaurant with long waits, always do the kid activities in the museums, etc.

Something we struggle with is keeping our little one not bored -- she is just not good at entertaining herself (too young to read, doesn't like drawing, etc), and when she is bored she acts out. Carrots and sticks ("You'll get ice cream after the museum") don't work. So I feel like either I have to do hours of screentime each day or constantly entertain her, which can get really tiring if we're together morning to night.

I wonder if there's some way to get kids to self-entertain while traveling without screentime, or if it's normal for them to constantly need attention at the table, in the car, in a museum, etc.

Given that this is all written in the singular, with no mention of another child, my strong suspicion is that you're in the habit of constantly entertaining her (or being responsible for her entertainment) throughout the course of daily life. Entertaining yourself, and managing your emotions when you're bored, are both skills, and they way you build them is to let the kids be bored. It happens a bit more naturally when you have multiple kids (because - sometimes the other kid needs you and one has to just, be bored and whine and figure it out), but it's something you can cultivate in your daily routine.

Obviously if you're currently on a trip, or one is happening next week, this isn't useful advice. But I would get in the habit of a standard 30 minute "me time" or independent playtime, with a timer, each day. Kid plays in her room by herself. You're in the house, and obviously within earshot for emergencies, but otherwise you don't go in her room, and she is not allowed to come out. She will whine and cry at first, but when she realizes you mean business, she'll figure out something to do. And you'll reap those rewards the next time you're traveling.

It's much easier for young children to entertain themselves at home, with their toys, then while traveling. What would you expect them to do while at the 5th cathedral of the trip when mom is tired of talking to you?

[Anonymous]

You don’t give your child’s age but say they are too young to read so I’m assuming under 6… and the answer is most of us don’t do what you describe: “exploring big European cities or roadtripping between cute villages, doing some museums, historical sites, good food” with those ages! Or when we do it’s very short spurts. We travel a lot with our kids but not exploring cities or traveling between cute villages looking at historical sites. There will come a day when you can do that but most kids are going to be a little annoying if you do that all day with kids 5 and under.

Also like others have said audiobooks. I guess I’m still not understanding - where are you when you’re wanting her to be entertaining herself? At the table at a very short meal? Totally fine. At a long meal? Normal that she might not be able to do this and would need your attention. The other thing that makes a big big difference at 4+ is having a friend there. If you want more free time - travel with a family friend with similar ages and the kids will play and you will have more free time. Or go somewhere more kid friendly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone do international travel with sensitive kids who always seem to need you? Like exploring big European cities or roadtripping between cute villages, doing some museums, historical sites, good food, etc?

We're on a big trip like this now and I'm wondering what is normal and what others' experiences are like.

We do our best to keep to a routine when traveling - we're very strict with bedtime and separate sleeping spaces to ensure good sleep, we talk through everything we're going to do, try to bring little activities to keep them occupied, etc. We also make time to go to playgrounds, avoid fancy restaurant with long waits, always do the kid activities in the museums, etc.

Something we struggle with is keeping our little one not bored -- she is just not good at entertaining herself (too young to read, doesn't like drawing, etc), and when she is bored she acts out. Carrots and sticks ("You'll get ice cream after the museum") don't work. So I feel like either I have to do hours of screentime each day or constantly entertain her, which can get really tiring if we're together morning to night.

I wonder if there's some way to get kids to self-entertain while traveling without screentime, or if it's normal for them to constantly need attention at the table, in the car, in a museum, etc.

Given that this is all written in the singular, with no mention of another child, my strong suspicion is that you're in the habit of constantly entertaining her (or being responsible for her entertainment) throughout the course of daily life. Entertaining yourself, and managing your emotions when you're bored, are both skills, and they way you build them is to let the kids be bored. It happens a bit more naturally when you have multiple kids (because - sometimes the other kid needs you and one has to just, be bored and whine and figure it out), but it's something you can cultivate in your daily routine.

Obviously if you're currently on a trip, or one is happening next week, this isn't useful advice. But I would get in the habit of a standard 30 minute "me time" or independent playtime, with a timer, each day. Kid plays in her room by herself. You're in the house, and obviously within earshot for emergencies, but otherwise you don't go in her room, and she is not allowed to come out. She will whine and cry at first, but when she realizes you mean business, she'll figure out something to do. And you'll reap those rewards the next time you're traveling.

It's much easier for young children to entertain themselves at home, with their toys, then while traveling. What would you expect them to do while at the 5th cathedral of the trip when mom is tired of talking to you?

+1 I’m not sure the expectations here are reasonable

[Anonymous]

If she’s acting out to get the tablet then she knows what she’s doing.
We don’t do screens at the table ever, but when kids were little we played tic tac toe, colored, did mazes etc…with her.
Screens in the car/train/plain totally fine.

If she misbehaves and you give screens you’ve taught we her this is ok by enabling her.

[Anonymous]

You dont take preschoolers on European vacations that involve cute towns and museums. Why would you think that is something worth her time? Try again at age 9+ and even then it is very kid dependent.

[Anonymous]

My ds was not a good traveler when he was young. Whined a lot, no stamina. Now he’s a great traveler. It’s a stage of life and you have to adjust to their needs, but not so much that they dictate everything. It’s a long journey; doesn’t happen overnight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone do international travel with sensitive kids who always seem to need you? Like exploring big European cities or roadtripping between cute villages, doing some museums, historical sites, good food, etc?

We're on a big trip like this now and I'm wondering what is normal and what others' experiences are like.

We do our best to keep to a routine when traveling - we're very strict with bedtime and separate sleeping spaces to ensure good sleep, we talk through everything we're going to do, try to bring little activities to keep them occupied, etc. We also make time to go to playgrounds, avoid fancy restaurant with long waits, always do the kid activities in the museums, etc.

Something we struggle with is keeping our little one not bored -- she is just not good at entertaining herself (too young to read, doesn't like drawing, etc), and when she is bored she acts out. Carrots and sticks ("You'll get ice cream after the museum") don't work. So I feel like either I have to do hours of screentime each day or constantly entertain her, which can get really tiring if we're together morning to night.

I wonder if there's some way to get kids to self-entertain while traveling without screentime, or if it's normal for them to constantly need attention at the table, in the car, in a museum, etc.

Given that this is all written in the singular, with no mention of another child, my strong suspicion is that you're in the habit of constantly entertaining her (or being responsible for her entertainment) throughout the course of daily life. Entertaining yourself, and managing your emotions when you're bored, are both skills, and they way you build them is to let the kids be bored. It happens a bit more naturally when you have multiple kids (because - sometimes the other kid needs you and one has to just, be bored and whine and figure it out), but it's something you can cultivate in your daily routine.

Obviously if you're currently on a trip, or one is happening next week, this isn't useful advice. But I would get in the habit of a standard 30 minute "me time" or independent playtime, with a timer, each day. Kid plays in her room by herself. You're in the house, and obviously within earshot for emergencies, but otherwise you don't go in her room, and she is not allowed to come out. She will whine and cry at first, but when she realizes you mean business, she'll figure out something to do. And you'll reap those rewards the next time you're traveling.

It's much easier for young children to entertain themselves at home, with their toys, then while traveling. What would you expect them to do while at the 5th cathedral of the trip when mom is tired of talking to you?

+1 I’m not sure the expectations here are reasonable

+1. This type of trip would not be fun for any kid under age 7, which it sounds like the kid is.

[Anonymous]

I've taken my kids to museums since they could walk, but for like 30 min sprints. They loves the colors, then got bored. And we went to museums where I knew the art well enough I could talk to them about it.

Little kids don't want to spend hours looking at paintings!

[Anonymous]

Trips like this are totally possible but you have to do the planning and you can’t wing it when you arrive.

Art Museum? I hope you have the Katie books. Do you know where the nearest playground is? Is there an outdoor tour you can take (my 4 y/o loves pretend play in castle ruins…) did you already go to a grocery store on day one to make sure you can get ahead of hanger?

Success feeds success. Once she’s hiked up one historic site you take a lot of pictures and tell her what a great job she did in France and what should we do in The Hague and should we see the REAL little mermaid (overrated but you get my point…) if she sits with a workbook for ten minutes when she finishes make sure you tell her how great she did and admire the letters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone do international travel with sensitive kids who always seem to need you? Like exploring big European cities or roadtripping between cute villages, doing some museums, historical sites, good food, etc?

We're on a big trip like this now and I'm wondering what is normal and what others' experiences are like.

We do our best to keep to a routine when traveling - we're very strict with bedtime and separate sleeping spaces to ensure good sleep, we talk through everything we're going to do, try to bring little activities to keep them occupied, etc. We also make time to go to playgrounds, avoid fancy restaurant with long waits, always do the kid activities in the museums, etc.

Something we struggle with is keeping our little one not bored -- she is just not good at entertaining herself (too young to read, doesn't like drawing, etc), and when she is bored she acts out. Carrots and sticks ("You'll get ice cream after the museum") don't work. So I feel like either I have to do hours of screentime each day or constantly entertain her, which can get really tiring if we're together morning to night.

I wonder if there's some way to get kids to self-entertain while traveling without screentime, or if it's normal for them to constantly need attention at the table, in the car, in a museum, etc.

Given that this is all written in the singular, with no mention of another child, my strong suspicion is that you're in the habit of constantly entertaining her (or being responsible for her entertainment) throughout the course of daily life. Entertaining yourself, and managing your emotions when you're bored, are both skills, and they way you build them is to let the kids be bored. It happens a bit more naturally when you have multiple kids (because - sometimes the other kid needs you and one has to just, be bored and whine and figure it out), but it's something you can cultivate in your daily routine.

Obviously if you're currently on a trip, or one is happening next week, this isn't useful advice. But I would get in the habit of a standard 30 minute "me time" or independent playtime, with a timer, each day. Kid plays in her room by herself. You're in the house, and obviously within earshot for emergencies, but otherwise you don't go in her room, and she is not allowed to come out. She will whine and cry at first, but when she realizes you mean business, she'll figure out something to do. And you'll reap those rewards the next time you're traveling.

It's much easier for young children to entertain themselves at home, with their toys, then while traveling. What would you expect them to do while at the 5th cathedral of the trip when mom is tired of talking to you?

Agreed. My not yet 3 year old is great at independent play at home or even at the beach but would not be able to do that in a museum or other adult activities.

[Anonymous]

Your kid is too young for this trip. DS was easier than your kid seems to be, but we still didn't do these types of trips until he was 6 and up. Before then it was the Caribbean or other beaches, or other active vacations. Since he turned 6 we've done several European and Asian countries and had fantastic times, but he's had the maturity to handle the boring bits of those trips.

[Anonymous]

We travelled internationally with my 6 year old for a month last summer. Things that she loved:

-Following our route on maps
-These magnet people to play with in restaurants: https://a.co/d/2BjCfzW
-highlights magazines, where’s Waldo books and hidden pictures.
-books of mazes
—this shape shifter puzzle box: https://a.co/d/8nbCCqu

We also got her binoculars and a bird identification book for the natural places we were visiting, which she loved. And we made lots of “scavenger hunt” games where we all competed (she was bored if it was just for her, but if we were ALL looking for 5 places that sell pistachio ice cream, for example, she’d get totally into it).

[Anonymous]

If your kid is too young to read, they are probably too young to enjoy travel at all. Young kids are happy just going to the beach or playing in the hotel pool, they are not happy being dragged all over Europe.