Friends not excited for my engagement. Is it jealousy or something else?

[Anonymous]

Hello, can you even read your own post?

One friend eloped with not engagement. She clearly is not interested in engagements and rings and discussions of same.

The other isn't married. Maybe she wants to be in which case it's a painful subject, or maybe she's not interested, in which case she's not going to discuss details with you.

Your brother is an ass for calling an engagement the proper way to do things, BTW. Who thinks like that in 2025? And you know that one at least isn't jealous, and you're not sure if the other one is... so he's just mouthing off.

If you desperately need to talk about wedding minutiae, find someone else to talk to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? If you were 25, I'd expect a bit more reaction. If you are 38 and everyone is already married, perhaps they're just over the "ZOMG Wedding" stage of life.

At any rate, congratulations! Want to tell us about the ring and the proposal?

I'm 29.

[Anonymous]

Would you expect your vegetarian friend to talk meat recipes with you?

Also, you're 29. A bit too old to be hurt that your friends aren't into your ring and wedding excitement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello, can you even read your own post?

One friend eloped with not engagement. She clearly is not interested in engagements and rings and discussions of same.

The other isn't married. Maybe she wants to be in which case it's a painful subject, or maybe she's not interested, in which case she's not going to discuss details with you.

Your brother is an ass for calling an engagement the proper way to do things, BTW. Who thinks like that in 2025? And you know that one at least isn't jealous, and you're not sure if the other one is... so he's just mouthing off.

If you desperately need to talk about wedding minutiae, find someone else to talk to.

No need for this rude reply. I was just asking a question, as other people around me were much more excited about my engagement details.
There were other women in my circle who wanted to be married and a wedding, but couldn't do it because of reasons out of their control.

[Anonymous]

You aren’t the center of the universe. They aren’t going to gush about you all day. Nobody cares about “the proposal”. You sound 12 years old. I can only imagine how much of a nightmare you’ll be getting married. You’ll probably expect the earth to stop spinning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hello, can you even read your own post?

One friend eloped with not engagement. She clearly is not interested in engagements and rings and discussions of same.

The other isn't married. Maybe she wants to be in which case it's a painful subject, or maybe she's not interested, in which case she's not going to discuss details with you.

Your brother is an ass for calling an engagement the proper way to do things, BTW. Who thinks like that in 2025? And you know that one at least isn't jealous, and you're not sure if the other one is... so he's just mouthing off.

If you desperately need to talk about wedding minutiae, find someone else to talk to.

No need for this rude reply. I was just asking a question, as other people around me were much more excited about my engagement details.
There were other women in my circle who wanted to be married and a wedding, but couldn't do it because of reasons out of their control.

That person did not write anything rude. And you weren’t “just asking a question”. You were gossiping about your “good friends” assuming they were “jealous” because they didn’t fall over themselves to gush at you and get allllllllll the details when your boyfriend agreed to marry you. They said congratulations - twice! - but that wasn’t enough making you feel special for you so you assume that something is wrong with them.

[Anonymous]

Just enjoy doing your thing! Feel free to make your wedding event what you wish it to be, without worrying about who is or is not gushing with excitement over the day.

[Anonymous]

Not jealous. They are just not people who really value and emphasize engagement. That was me. My husband and I just agreed to get married during a series of conversations about our future plans and family. There was no proposal and no ring. We had a small wedding but no bachelor/bachelorette parties. No bridal shower. Instead of a registry, we asked anyone who wanted to to make a donation in our name to a couple charities we are passionate about. We didn't have bridesmaids or groomsmen. Our honeymoon was a short road trip a few weeks after the ceremony.

When a friend tells me they are engaged, I congratulate them genuinely when they announce and, if they wish to share details of the proposal, I will listen and be supportive. If they want to plan a big wedding with a lot of events, I'll attend what I can, buy them a gift, and again wish them well on their big day. But I'm not super into engagements. I don't really care about engagement rings. I don't get into wedding planning. I have been a bridesmaid when it means standing up with my friend and holding her flowers, helping her get ready before hand. I'm not planning an elaborate shower or bachelorette -- those are not my strengths and no one should want that from me. I am not super into bridal fashion. A lot of the details of modern weddings are lost on me -- I dont' get into color schemes or DIY elements or whatever. I don't criticize -- if you love this, then I am happy for you to engage in an activity you enjoy, just as I would be happy for you if you took up rock climbing or watercolors. But I don't need to participate and I wouldn't have the first clue of what to ask about it.

Not all women are wedding/proposal/engagement people.

[Anonymous]

There reaction shouldn't matter to you, over the top excitement won't add anything and lukewarm energy wouldn't take anything away.

That being said, if I didn't like a friend's choice, I would respect it and be happy for them and would be congratulatory and interested.

It seems they aren't as interested in your life or as happy for you as you thought. Jealousy could be a contributing factor. Due to societal conditioning, every woman has a part of her longing to be engaged or married before they turn 30.

[Anonymous]

They congratulated you TWICE. Just because they don't care about the proposal or ring doesn't make them worse friends. If they take the time to talk and see you, you should be satisfied.

[Anonymous]

*Their

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not jealous. They are just not people who really value and emphasize engagement. That was me. My husband and I just agreed to get married during a series of conversations about our future plans and family. There was no proposal and no ring. We had a small wedding but no bachelor/bachelorette parties. No bridal shower. Instead of a registry, we asked anyone who wanted to to make a donation in our name to a couple charities we are passionate about. We didn't have bridesmaids or groomsmen. Our honeymoon was a short road trip a few weeks after the ceremony.

When a friend tells me they are engaged, I congratulate them genuinely when they announce and, if they wish to share details of the proposal, I will listen and be supportive. If they want to plan a big wedding with a lot of events, I'll attend what I can, buy them a gift, and again wish them well on their big day. But I'm not super into engagements. I don't really care about engagement rings. I don't get into wedding planning. I have been a bridesmaid when it means standing up with my friend and holding her flowers, helping her get ready before hand. I'm not planning an elaborate shower or bachelorette -- those are not my strengths and no one should want that from me. I am not super into bridal fashion. A lot of the details of modern weddings are lost on me -- I dont' get into color schemes or DIY elements or whatever. I don't criticize -- if you love this, then I am happy for you to engage in an activity you enjoy, just as I would be happy for you if you took up rock climbing or watercolors. But I don't need to participate and I wouldn't have the first clue of what to ask about it.

Not all women are wedding/proposal/engagement people.

[phone]

[Anonymous]

Maybe they are worried about bigger things, OP. Many people are worried about how they are going to afford their lives with rising costs in health care, food, insurance, gas, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hello, can you even read your own post?

One friend eloped with not engagement. She clearly is not interested in engagements and rings and discussions of same.

The other isn't married. Maybe she wants to be in which case it's a painful subject, or maybe she's not interested, in which case she's not going to discuss details with you.

Your brother is an ass for calling an engagement the proper way to do things, BTW. Who thinks like that in 2025? And you know that one at least isn't jealous, and you're not sure if the other one is... so he's just mouthing off.

If you desperately need to talk about wedding minutiae, find someone else to talk to.

No need for this rude reply. I was just asking a question, as other people around me were much more excited about my engagement details.
There were other women in my circle who wanted to be married and a wedding, but couldn't do it because of reasons out of their control.

PP you replied to. You're coming across more and more as a bit of a smug married (soon-to-be), and you and your brother seem overly invested in determining who among your friends are envious of the fact that you will be married.

This is what I picked up on, and your reply confirms it.

If you were a decent human being, it should not matter WHY your friends aren't interested. If they're not interested, you just talk about your celebrations to others who are.

See? Not difficult. But it seems you just really want to rub everyone's face in it that you're going to be married. I got married at 23, many moons ago, and I did not behave that way at all.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they’re hoping if they act super low key, you won’t ask them to be bridesmaids.