SIL bankrupted ILs: Awkward family gathering in July

[Anonymous]

Absolutely stay out of it.
Let your husband deal.

[Anonymous]

You said SIL asked ILs for a bailout--did they give it to her? What kind of money are we talking about?

[Anonymous]

I would tell SIL the truth, that her decisions have meant that now you and your DH are bailing out your in laws-- since they are too chicken to admit they made a mistake bailing her out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell SIL the truth, that her decisions have meant that now you and your DH are bailing out your in laws-- since they are too chicken to admit they made a mistake bailing her out.

SIL will just ask them for a bailout once she knows OP will do that.

Say nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SIL (DH’s Sister) has made one terrible financial decision after another. Just declared bankruptcy again, foreclosed house, spent her kids college funds, etc. she asked ILs (80s) for a bailout and would pay back when her house sold. She overpriced house and it sits on the market for 18 months - now it’s in foreclosure.

Haven’t spoken to SIL since this started. DH texts her once in a while. ILs are broke and we’ve been helping them cover what their fixed income can’t.

Family gathering coming in July. Help me NOT say something terrible to her. She is in denial and my ILs have not told her about their financial situation because “it would worry her too much.”

So, what do I say? Do I just ignore the elephant?

1. There is nothing you can say to her that will change her situation or behavior.
2. You are her next bail out project. Be careful that the money you are giving your in laws is not funneled into her pocket. Your DH should try to get visibility into his parent’s credit rating, mail delivery status, and accounts if possible. SIL may try to open credit cards with them jointly or get them to mortgage their house to funnel more money to herself.
3. Do not give her any money. Do not make a big deal about giving your in laws money, this will only alert her to another source of funds.

+1. I would not give in-laws $, would just pay certain expenses directly if I were inclined to do so.

If your DH has close trusting relationship with his parents, he can ask them to lock credit access — and to have them direct the SIL to your DH with any inquiries on that. This is to protect the parents.

If DH has close trusting relationship with his sister, he a suggest fin counseling.

[Anonymous]

Your inlaws put themselves in this situation. Don't blame your SIl. I honestly would be hesitant to help at all.

[Anonymous]

Why are people telling OP this isn't her concern? Once her DH is using their joint finances to support his parents because they unwisely bailed out his sister, then it most certainly DID become OP's concern. I would be coldly polite to SIL and speak to her as little as possible. Agree with the prior recommendations that the DH pay certain IL bills directly as opposed to just giving cash. And I would make it clear to DH that if sister ever asks for money, the answer is a hard no. Irresponsible relatives will treat you like a slot machine if you ever give $$---even if they know that you will probably say no, the fact that you said yes once means that there is always a chance of hitting that jackpot again. Honestly, her DH ought to insist on being in charge of her IL's finances as a condition of giving them money.

[Anonymous]

If your in-laws own their home and plan to leave their estate to be split evenly between the brother and sister, I would suggest that OP's family only continue to help bail out the I laws if the will is changed to pay OP's family back first before splitting.

[Anonymous]

DH needs to get full insight into the parents’ finances. Otherwise, as people are saying, your money may be going to SIL.

If SIL mentions her finances, personally I would allude to how it’s affecting you. “Yes, we’ve been having to help out your parents because of what their financial situation has become.”

[Anonymous]

Even if the SIL sells her house, it is probably heavily mortgaged and the n laws will never get the money back. Your DH needs to get financially involved with his parents STAT.

[Anonymous]

My parents bail out my sister constantly. I just wash my hands of it. I won't give her money or give my parents money (it just goes straight to her). I just ignore it.

[Anonymous]

Stay out of it. Make sure she doesn’t try to hit your family up for money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SIL bankrupted SIL.

ILs bankrupted ILs, not SIL

And next up, if you fund ILs beyond your means, you’ll be in the same situation.

Any money going to IL should have strings attached with control to make sure it’s not spent stupidly, or funneled to SIL. As in, you will help them if you have full insight into finances to make sure you’re not throwing good money after bad.

[Anonymous]

Repeat after me - In-laws bankrupted themselves.

[Anonymous]

WHat is going on with SIL? Is the house already in foreclosure? IS there a payment plan in cplace? Is she in Maryland? You can sign up for Maryalnd Land Records (free) and look at history of mortgage. If the trustees name is already on it, then they can either work out a payment plan, or it will be sold in auction.

Go to Md Case search--what other legal trouble is she in?

There are programs out there to help people in foreclosure. SIL needs to be willing to take the help.