Ladies, what, if anything, did your moms tell you about menopause?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ and medicine was much more misogynist than it is now!

If any woman suffered symptoms in her 40s and 50s, unless they were heavy bleeding that gave her anemia and were thus quantifiable... all the mental health issues, mood swings and such were just "women being hysterical".

Our mothers may have internalized all this suffering as normal and something to be borne in silence.

You're right, but I hate that we've swung so far the other way that anything you experience after 40 is perimenopause. I still have clockwork cycles but anything that I try to see a doctor for gets hand-waved as peri.

[Anonymous]

I’ve tried gently asking my mom about it but she claims not to remember other than years of irregular periods leading up to final menopause in her mid 50s. I don’t think people in general (both doctors and women in their 40s/50sh paid too much attention to menopause symptoms until fairly recently, so most women probably blew off their symptoms as normal and just something to get through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ and medicine was much more misogynist than it is now!

If any woman suffered symptoms in her 40s and 50s, unless they were heavy bleeding that gave her anemia and were thus quantifiable... all the mental health issues, mood swings and such were just "women being hysterical".

Our mothers may have internalized all this suffering as normal and something to be borne in silence.

You're right, but I hate that we've swung so far the other way that anything you experience after 40 is perimenopause. I still have clockwork cycles but anything that I try to see a doctor for gets hand-waved as peri.

I need your doctor. I tried to discuss my symptoms with my GYN and she put her hand up and said “we can’t talk about that at this appointment, you really need to talk to your primary care doctor about your symptoms.” This was after my PCP said that my symptoms were out of their wheelhouse and I needed to make an appointment with my GYN.

Now I have no doctors because I refuse to go back to either of them!

[Anonymous]

I have asked my mother and she said her only symptoms were she had a few lighter periods that spaced out and ended altogether at 46. Everyone is different though so I don't necessarily expect to have the same experience as my mother.

[Anonymous]

My other is an immigrant from a conservative culture, even more so back in 1970 when we left.

She told me zilch about periods, marriage, cooking, menopause. Zilch. I, too, learned from Dr Google.

Here's the thing about menopause:

1. your hair will get more brittle, and you will get gray hairs down there
2. your skin will get drier
3. you will gain weight rapidly, especially in the middle. Lift weights and keep active. Even your boobs will start to spread out.
4. your blood pressure, cholesterol, A1C may go up. Again, keep active
5. your vagina will dry up and atrophy. Lube doesn't help. Go see a gyn. They can provide estrogen creams to alleviate the pain during intercourse. Again, lube doesn't help
6. you will get hotflashes. You'll be just sitting there calmly, watching tv or working on your laptop, and all of a sudden, you will feel like you are in a furnace. Keep a small handheld fan (electric or otherwise) near you at all times. My sister had it worse than me. Mine wasn't too bad, but when it came on, I grabbed a fan. If you are near a freezer, you can always stick your head in there.
7. you may become emotional and depressed. My other sister said she would cry for no reason. I didn't go through that, thankfully. Though, you may be angry all the time.

Those are just some of the symptoms I've gone through. Of course, ymmv. But, here's the best part: NO MORE PERIODS!! In many ways, I'd gladly deal with the above symptoms to never have periods again. I see my teen DD going through her periods, and it reminds me of what I went through at her age and as a young adult. Shudder. I feel for her, but soooo glad I never have to go through that again.

[Anonymous]

Nothing. As with PPs, my mother has never NEVER talked about anything like this.

[Anonymous]

My mom told me that she got about two hot flashes and that was it. It was an easy transition for her. I’m 50 so we’ll see how it is for me.

[Anonymous]

This isn’t medical history like breast cancer or bipolar. Many/most women went through menopause just fine without a need for dramatics. Most of the current focus on “peri” is driven by influencers looking for money and does not mean that menopause is invariably a crisis for most women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To answer your last question - do you know all 70+ symptoms associated with it?

I have a strong family history of osteoporosis, so that plus my 15+ symptoms, including frozen shoulder, is why I'm taking it.

Even for the breast cancer family history woman above - most women can take some HRT. All your hormones should be taken and adjusted a la carte. If you need to skip the systemic estrogen, you can still have major benefits from progesterone (moods and sleep), testosterone (strength, energy, sex drive), and vaginal estrogen which is localized delivery (helps with vaginal/vulvar atrophy, pelvic pain, UTI prevention).

^^absurd. So you disparage the actually important medical history (breast cancer) for a vague handwaving about “70 symptoms” and that HRT can fix all of them.

OP this is a good example of the type of content to ignore.

Menopause is going to happen to you one way or another. It is not a disease state and there is nothing to prevent. If you have a specific symptom or medical issue like bone health then speak to your doctor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve tried gently asking my mom about it but she claims not to remember other than years of irregular periods leading up to final menopause in her mid 50s. I don’t think people in general (both doctors and women in their 40s/50sh paid too much attention to menopause symptoms until fairly recently, so most women probably blew off their symptoms as normal and just something to get through.

Almost as if … menopause actually can be seen as normal and not a medical emergency.

[Anonymous]

Nothing. Would never ask honestly.


I’d simply get advise from ob

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ and medicine was much more misogynist than it is now!

If any woman suffered symptoms in her 40s and 50s, unless they were heavy bleeding that gave her anemia and were thus quantifiable... all the mental health issues, mood swings and such were just "women being hysterical".

Our mothers may have internalized all this suffering as normal and something to be borne in silence.

You're right, but I hate that we've swung so far the other way that anything you experience after 40 is perimenopause. I still have clockwork cycles but anything that I try to see a doctor for gets hand-waved as peri.

I need your doctor. I tried to discuss my symptoms with my GYN and she put her hand up and said “we can’t talk about that at this appointment, you really need to talk to your primary care doctor about your symptoms.” This was after my PCP said that my symptoms were out of their wheelhouse and I needed to make an appointment with my GYN.

Now I have no doctors because I refuse to go back to either of them!

I’d use an online service like Alloy - you’ll get better service bc they specialize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing. I would not do one except absolutely necessary.

Nothing but I would tell mine to find an OBGYN after 40 who focuses on pre, peri, meno and post menopause. She should stay on birth control as those are basically low dose HRT and make transition easy. Once menopause is established then go on HRT and unless contraindicated, keep taking them well into their 70's. Also more protein in diet and more weight training in gym.

[Anonymous]

My mom claims that menopause was "easy" which, I think largely it was for her, but I also think she has completely forgotten several things that looking back now, were probably peri- and menopause related. 1) More painful, heavy periods - I remember her complaining about these, 2) Anxiety - she noticeably got more anxious and worried around this time, 3) Poor sleep - she was ALWAYS complaining about middle of the night wakings and not being able to go back to sleep.

I think that this generation assumed that if you didn't have terrible hot flashes that you skirted by with no symptoms, but if you look a bit closer, you may see that there were in fact some symptoms even if they weren't debilitating.

[Anonymous]

My mom went into surgical menopause around age 50 when she had a total hysterectomy/oopherectomy due to excessive bleeding from fibroids, but she immediately went on HRT so she had no real symptoms. She quit HRT cold turkey when there was some research indicating some risks from it (although those research findings have now been tempered with additional studies), and had no significant issues. She has talked a lot about postmenopausal issues (hair loss, vaginal atrophy), but she is also a retired nursing professor.

My mom is part off the Silent Generation, but even older Boomers in my extended family talked about perimenopause and menopause symptoms, although much of that came from a family member with no filter who was often TMI in discussing her health.