Struggling with not thinking like the group (at work, home, everywhere) - How can I fix this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem to think it’s the difference of viewpoints/opinions, but to me it sounds more like an issue with communication (and, not to pile on, but your OP is a good example of that). The phrase that jumped out from your OP is the “I ask a question and get a totally different type of response”. That seems to imply that someone is completely misunderstanding you or that your point is not coming across well.

I wouldn’t jump to “autism” right away but do consider that you might have a learning disability. There are many that can affect language/processing/communication. For example, my DD has a learning disability in “reading comprehension” but it can manifest itself in speech. She struggles with inferences, analogies, metaphors etc. among other things.

It's this (not predicting whether somebody will leave their sunglasses behind--that's just "intuition" that comes from experience). I experience this every often, and I tend to have it with the same people consistently. When working through a problem, I understand all the words coming out of my co-worker's mouth, but put together, they aren't really saying anything--like there's no point. And I can't figure out if it's me, or them. So we're talking, but not communicating. I'm pretty sure I have ADHD, but also have high intelligence and understand very complicated things.

[Anonymous]

Research “groupthink.” Most people adhere to the invisible rule of agreement. That doesn’t mean they actually agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, this may be me, but I am a foreigner. No autism here.
I notice details others seem to miss. If a customer arrives upset, I notice it. I can also tell you which items a customer might leave behind like sunglasses on the corner of their table.
My coworkers would not care, because the customer hasn't even left yet. But then act so surprised when the item if left behind. I tried to tell them meanwhile to make sure this wouldn't happen. Falls flat every time.
Maybe this is not what you are talking about, but this is my problem. The other day I put two separate occurrences together. Nobody else knew they even happened even though they were there.
I need to care less or be involved less. Drives me crazy when they don't notice.[/quote

Op here. I experience the exact same feelings you do PP. Similar scenarios too.

[Anonymous]

Stop caring about or wanting to be like everyone else. How boring it would be!

[Anonymous]

Be yourself, and nothing else. Dont be a sheep. Your views matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, this may be me, but I am a foreigner. No autism here.
I notice details others seem to miss. If a customer arrives upset, I notice it. I can also tell you which items a customer might leave behind like sunglasses on the corner of their table.
My coworkers would not care, because the customer hasn't even left yet. But then act so surprised when the item if left behind. I tried to tell them meanwhile to make sure this wouldn't happen. Falls flat every time.
Maybe this is not what you are talking about, but this is my problem. The other day I put two separate occurrences together. Nobody else knew they even happened even though they were there.
I need to care less or be involved less. Drives me crazy when they don't notice.

In your case, it may be because you're from a culture that values more of the group and prioritizing others. That's not the case at all with how most Americans think. In fact, Americans who DO think that way are told to seek therapy because they are "people pleasers."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, this may be me, but I am a foreigner. No autism here.
I notice details others seem to miss. If a customer arrives upset, I notice it. I can also tell you which items a customer might leave behind like sunglasses on the corner of their table.
My coworkers would not care, because the customer hasn't even left yet. But then act so surprised when the item if left behind. I tried to tell them meanwhile to make sure this wouldn't happen. Falls flat every time.
Maybe this is not what you are talking about, but this is my problem. The other day I put two separate occurrences together. Nobody else knew they even happened even though they were there.
I need to care less or be involved less. Drives me crazy when they don't notice.

Thanks for these examples, it's helpful.

So here's my question. When you see the customer is upset, what is it that you want from your coworkers? Are you just making an observation? Are you trying to prompt them to be nicer to the customer?

With the sunglasses I get you see they put them down and might forget them. I am trying to understand the reason you are telling your coworkers. I understand why you notice it and I also understand why they don't care because the customer hasn't left yet. If I were you I would just gently say to customer " oh don't forget your sunglasses! " or try to put their attention on the glasses by saying they are pretty or something. That's the disconnect for me. Are you telling your coworkers so they can remind the customer not to forget them? But why not tell the customer yourself as it's more direct?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, this may be me, but I am a foreigner. No autism here.
I notice details others seem to miss. If a customer arrives upset, I notice it. I can also tell you which items a customer might leave behind like sunglasses on the corner of their table.
My coworkers would not care, because the customer hasn't even left yet. But then act so surprised when the item if left behind. I tried to tell them meanwhile to make sure this wouldn't happen. Falls flat every time.
Maybe this is not what you are talking about, but this is my problem. The other day I put two separate occurrences together. Nobody else knew they even happened even though they were there.
I need to care less or be involved less. Drives me crazy when they don't notice.

You sound a bit bossy and pushy. People tend to avoid pol like that, so you’re causing the isolation yourself. You are correct in that you need to work on caring less and minding your own business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, this may be me, but I am a foreigner. No autism here.
I notice details others seem to miss. If a customer arrives upset, I notice it. I can also tell you which items a customer might leave behind like sunglasses on the corner of their table.
My coworkers would not care, because the customer hasn't even left yet. But then act so surprised when the item if left behind. I tried to tell them meanwhile to make sure this wouldn't happen. Falls flat every time.
Maybe this is not what you are talking about, but this is my problem. The other day I put two separate occurrences together. Nobody else knew they even happened even though they were there.
I need to care less or be involved less. Drives me crazy when they don't notice.

How can you tell that someone will leave their sunglasses on the corner of the table? I mean, what are the clues?

I still don’t understand what OP means.

OP makes dozens of predictions but only remembers the ones that came true. It's confirmation bias.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem to think it’s the difference of viewpoints/opinions, but to me it sounds more like an issue with communication (and, not to pile on, but your OP is a good example of that). The phrase that jumped out from your OP is the “I ask a question and get a totally different type of response”. That seems to imply that someone is completely misunderstanding you or that your point is not coming across well.

I wouldn’t jump to “autism” right away but do consider that you might have a learning disability. There are many that can affect language/processing/communication. For example, my DD has a learning disability in “reading comprehension” but it can manifest itself in speech. She struggles with inferences, analogies, metaphors etc. among other things.

It's this (not predicting whether somebody will leave their sunglasses behind--that's just "intuition" that comes from experience). I experience this every often, and I tend to have it with the same people consistently. When working through a problem, I understand all the words coming out of my co-worker's mouth, but put together, they aren't really saying anything--like there's no point. And I can't figure out if it's me, or them. So we're talking, but not communicating. I'm pretty sure I have ADHD, but also have high intelligence and understand very complicated things.

I think you are correct in sensing that you have some kind of neurodivergence- it could be ADHD, ASD, or something else. What you are describing while listening to people talking is called a receptive language disorder. I think if you google it you’ll get information that will either be totally off or quite validating, and it might be a good place to start when speaking with a doctor if you’re interested in pursuing coaching or support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, this may be me, but I am a foreigner. No autism here.
I notice details others seem to miss. If a customer arrives upset, I notice it. I can also tell you which items a customer might leave behind like sunglasses on the corner of their table.
My coworkers would not care, because the customer hasn't even left yet. But then act so surprised when the item if left behind. I tried to tell them meanwhile to make sure this wouldn't happen. Falls flat every time.
Maybe this is not what you are talking about, but this is my problem. The other day I put two separate occurrences together. Nobody else knew they even happened even though they were there.
I need to care less or be involved less. Drives me crazy when they don't notice.[/quote

Op here. I experience the exact same feelings you do PP. Similar scenarios too.

Of course it falls flat, you are nagging people you don't even know when they haven't yet forgotten their sunglasses. It's ridiculous. It doesn't show that you "care" about them or are smarter than everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you have autism, OP.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I was trying to think of other examples to assist in what I’m trying to explain.

DH bought a Magnolia brand room spray from Target. He left it in a downstairs room bookshelf because it didn’t last long and wasn’t exactly an amazing scent. A day or so later, teenage DD asked who it belonged to also asking if she could have it and take it to her room. I explained sure why not. DH over dinner asks where the room spray is - I explain she has it, she took it up to spray her room. She hops in with no, she didn’t take it up to spray her room but that I said that she could have it.
To me, for what other purpose would you want a room spray but to spray your room. She disagrees and we go back and forth for a moment over this scenario of who has ownership of this spray, its use and where it is.

I’m left confused because to me, what other reason would you take a room spray to your room other than to spray it?!

Things like this often happen.

A work example recently is Bob sent me an email that Gregorio and Dawn were wrapping up on updates to a deliverable from feedback received at a meeting. He asks that I setup time to show those updates to the client. He shares dates that can work. Later in this same email he mentions that those deliverables will be sent over once complete.

I schedule the update reveal meeting only to be asked by Gregorio and Dawn why it’s set when those deliverables will be sent later. So I share the same email from Bob to them.

The three of them had a different interpretation that the deliverables would be shared when complete not revealed in the update meeting.

To me, to set a meeting to share updates is to show the updates. All of the updates are visible updates. Think changing Exxon’s sign from red to blue and font to cursive.

Maybe I infer differently?

I’m confident in what I hear and what my action is to be but it seems others are also confident but assume I am going to do or say something differently.

To the other PP- If someone asks what I could do differently, I wouldn’t have anything that I would change since it’s how would have interpreted the situations.

For the person who asked about an example for responses being different to my questions - I think the best example would be of a recent situation, again working with Bob, in that I asked if there is funding for Gregorio and Dawn’s team to attend a conference. Bob went into detail about why it’s great to have team members attend conferences but not responding directly to if he has funding to send him.

[Anonymous]

Op again. In response to another PP on people pleaser - yes, I was told that growing up. I would still say I am.

[Anonymous]

Most of my friends are artists or have a creative flare. When I’m outside of that circle, it can be harder. Folks that think in a more linear fashion need a bridge at times.