Think DW hates me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DW just got back from a week long cruise to celebrate her parents’ 50th anniversary.
She went with our 3 kids, her brother and his family, plus the in laws.
I had a work conflict when the cruise was booked. DW booked 2 rooms for her and the kids plus paid half of my in-laws’ suite.
My work conflict cleared 2 weeks before the cruise which I let my wife know immediately to see if I could join.
DW let me know before the cruise that there were no extra rooms and there wasn’t space to add me to one of the rooms. So I stayed home and went to work as usual and binge watched movies.
She just told me her brother got these really small rooms that only had space for 2 people apiece but the rooms she booked could have accommodated a 3rd person.
I’m left with the thought that my wife really did not want me to go. Odd to me because I usually spend all vacation time dealing with the kids. Money would not have been an issue either.
So does she hate me or is there another explanation?

she has a vagina. you will never get the real explanation from her.

[Anonymous]

Do you normally pull stuff like this? Maybe she wasn’t going to let your flakiness bother her. And didn’t feel like accommodating your last minute change of heart. Was there really a work conflict or did you exaggerate to preserve an out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leaping to “she hates me” seems remarkably melodramatic and childish. Even if she wanted a week without you, which is unclear, why would that mean she hates you?

Yeah. I wanted to respond that his wife at least owed him a better response about checking with the company/etc, but the drama in the subject indicates he’s got something else going on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't she have a break from you? I need a break from you just after reading this.

this.

[Anonymous]

Couple of options:
1) on cruises, there could be a physical/bed space in her room but not "space" on the cruise because they go by lifeboat capacity. So if there are enough rooms on the cruise with 3-4 bodies already booked, they can't add you.
2) she was told there's no room, by the cruise line or her brother, and believed them, and realized when she got to the room you could have fit. Then she came back and told you "I think you could have fit!" and you bizarrely took this as her rubbing your face in the fact you weren't there.
3) she didn't want to go through the hassle of trying to change all the reservations (flights too) two weeks out, and just wen with the path of least resistance. Did you offer to handle it, or just tell her to add you into the plans?

[Anonymous]

Listen bro, take the win and a couple of days off from work. If you typically corral the kids on vacation, let her experience it fully without you. She may love you more when she returns!

[Anonymous]

Cruises charge per person. So maybe last minute addition wasn't possible, and/or she didn't want her parents to pay for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Too little too late? Maybe she thinks you could have worked it out sooner. Waiting until the last minute adds stress.
She probably got used to the idea of being with her side of the family and then you threw in the last minute plot twist.
Let it go.

This would have been it for me. I would have been irritated that DH picked his work thing over my parents 50th wedding anniversary, but I would make peace with it.

I have told DH that we are can either be fine with him not being around or we can really want and need him around. It’s not really reasonable to ask me and the kids to flip flop between the two whenever it suits his schedule.

[Anonymous]

I get along better with my family when DH isn't around. Maybe that is the reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Too little too late? Maybe she thinks you could have worked it out sooner. Waiting until the last minute adds stress.
She probably got used to the idea of being with her side of the family and then you threw in the last minute plot twist.
Let it go.

This would have been it for me. I would have been irritated that DH picked his work thing over my parents 50th wedding anniversary, but I would make peace with it.

Why would you expect him to care at all about your parents 50th anniversary? Getting an oil change is probably more important to him than that.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried doing the Wild Thing since she got back? That is your barometer of how she feels about you. If you get rejected routinely and only get occasional pity sex then yeah she hates you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Too little too late? Maybe she thinks you could have worked it out sooner. Waiting until the last minute adds stress.
She probably got used to the idea of being with her side of the family and then you threw in the last minute plot twist.
Let it go.

This would have been it for me. I would have been irritated that DH picked his work thing over my parents 50th wedding anniversary, but I would make peace with it.

Why would you expect him to care at all about your parents 50th anniversary? Getting an oil change is probably more important to him than that.

I guess I would expect him to care about going on a trip with me and the kids, being part of our extended family, etc.
If he doesn’t care, then he doesn’t care. I can deal with that.
I’m a little baffled about why he’s surprised that his wife doesn’t care to have him on this trip. Didn’t he make it clear that their family is less important to him than an oil change?

[Anonymous]

She doesn’t like you and is more than likely cheating.

[Anonymous]

I had a work conflict when the cruise was booked. DW booked 2 rooms for her and the kids plus paid half of my in-laws’ suite.

This would have been it for me. I would have been irritated that DH picked his work thing over my parents 50th wedding anniversary, but I would make peace with it.

PP, I do not know what you do for a living. In my job, we often have events scheduled (e.g., trials) that cannot be rescheduled (or handed off) with serious effort. So, the OP may not have "picked his work thing" over the wedding anniversary trip. Instead, he was locked into attending the work thing.

Likewise, the scheduled events are sometimes cancelled (e.g., we settle the case before the trial). My family understands this part of my life and works with me to deal with it. However, they do not take it as a slight when I have a trial scheduled and cannot make a family event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Too little too late? Maybe she thinks you could have worked it out sooner. Waiting until the last minute adds stress.
She probably got used to the idea of being with her side of the family and then you threw in the last minute plot twist.
Let it go.

This would have been it for me. I would have been irritated that DH picked his work thing over my parents 50th wedding anniversary, but I would make peace with it.

Why would you expect him to care at all about your parents 50th anniversary? Getting an oil change is probably more important to him than that.

I guess I would expect him to care about going on a trip with me and the kids, being part of our extended family, etc.
If he doesn’t care, then he doesn’t care. I can deal with that.
I’m a little baffled about why he’s surprised that his wife doesn’t care to have him on this trip. Didn’t he make it clear that their family is less important to him than an oil change?

The specific claim was that her parents 50th wedding anniversary should be more important to him than work, and it's not obvious at all why that should be true.

Being on a cruise with her extended family sounds awful tbh. I wouldn't even have told her that the work conflict had cleared, I'd just have taken the W and enjoyed the peace and quiet at home.