Is my 11yo just immature, or should I be concerned?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She also seems generally less talkative than her peers—she can be social and has friends, but she’s quieter and more reserved overall. She had some emotional regulation issues in the past (mainly meltdowns and frustration when things didn’t go as expected), but that’s improved a lot over the last year.

OP many social and emotional skills are best learned in the context of friendships. You say her regulation has improved this year, and that she has friends. Spend the next year helping her develop these friendships. Until you do this, you won't find out whether there's an anxiety or developmental issue at play anyway.

[Anonymous]

Huge range of normal, my older daughter (now 14) was like this at 11. Her younger sister, who is now 11, is much more into make up and skin care and boys. I know its common for the second kid to "grow up" faster, but I much prefer my older girl's slow roll into teendom. Enjoy it while you can!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being young for her age and being immature are not the same.
I have a 12yo who was very similar to yours and still is in some ways. The others are giggling about boys, wearing make up etc. mine still wants to ride a bike and hangs with boys and girls as friends.
I think she’s young compared to her peers but she’s not immature.

You are attaching judgment to the word immature which is inappropriate in this context.

I’ve never heard the word immature used in a positive sense. It’s seen as a negative. Which is why I would use the word young, not immature.

[Anonymous]

She is completely fine. It’s not a problem. My DD is the same age & same way. Plays with dolls, loves imaginary play, climbing trees, playing in a creek. She mostly hangs out with boys these days and has zero interest in “skin care routines” and fashion. I’d argue that an interest in those things is not actually maturity anyway.

I was the same way, even into middle school, and I had friends, and grew up just fine.

[Anonymous]

My 12 year old says she secretly still likes unicorns but kids in her middle school think that is babyish so she doesn't wear the clothes she got that have unicorns to school but wears that at home.

She is also into skincare and hair styles.

[Anonymous]

Middle schoolers are still kids and should act like it. Why would anyone think differently?

[Anonymous]

Normal.

Some kids become very “teen” at this age (for lack of better description)- both boys and girls. Others do not and have other interests or will just take longer to mature.

Your DD is better off being in the latter category, I assure you. Be glad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is completely fine. It’s not a problem. My DD is the same age & same way. Plays with dolls, loves imaginary play, climbing trees, playing in a creek. She mostly hangs out with boys these days and has zero interest in “skin care routines” and fashion. I’d argue that an interest in those things is not actually maturity anyway.

I was the same way, even into middle school, and I had friends, and grew up just fine.

Yeah, an interest in skin care in fifth grade likely means the kids or their friend group is spending too much time on social media. That's a cautionary yellow flag.

[Anonymous]

I think she sounds delightful. Very age appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter just had her 5th grade promotion ceremony, and I couldn’t help but notice how different she seemed from many of the other girls her age. A lot of them are into things like lip gloss, dangly earrings, purses, trendy shoes, and more grown-up clothes. My daughter, on the other hand, still loves playing with stuffed animals, refuses to wear jeans, and hasn’t expressed any interest in getting her ears pierced.

She also seems generally less talkative than her peers—she can be social and has friends, but she’s quieter and more reserved overall. She had some emotional regulation issues in the past (mainly meltdowns and frustration when things didn’t go as expected), but that’s improved a lot over the last year.

She does well in school, plays an instrument, swim team, does a rec sport, and seems happy, but I can’t help wondering if she’s just on her own timeline or if there might be something more going on. I’m not trying to push her to grow up too fast, just trying to get a sense of what’s developmentally typical at this stage I will be in middle school next school year.

Would appreciate any advice or insight. Thx

Quit obsessing. She's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Speaking as the parent of a girl who wanted to wear high heels and make up, girls who don't are much more likely to be successful that the ones who do.

No, this is your projection. My DD is pretty close to OPs, and we went through similar feelings. However. PLENTY of the other type excel in all aspects of high school and beyond.

[Anonymous]

Just echoing there is a huge range of normal. My DD was like this. At 15, she still isn’t into makeup, fashion, hair styling etc. But she is a great friend, and academic rock star, an athlete, and generally a fun person to be around. Your daughter may be immature or she may just not be “that kind of girl” even as she gets older. That’s ok too

[Anonymous]

She sounds like a great kid. Take her shopping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like a great kid. Take her shopping.

Why should the daughter go shopping if she doesn’t like to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like a great kid. Take her shopping.

Why should the daughter go shopping if she doesn’t like to?

Maybe she will have fun and it’s to spend time together. My teen boy hates shopping and I usually buy online but if asked or told he’ll come. We go out to eat, few stores.