Is my 11yo just immature, or should I be concerned?

[Anonymous]

My daughter just had her 5th grade promotion ceremony, and I couldn’t help but notice how different she seemed from many of the other girls her age. A lot of them are into things like lip gloss, dangly earrings, purses, trendy shoes, and more grown-up clothes. My daughter, on the other hand, still loves playing with stuffed animals, refuses to wear jeans, and hasn’t expressed any interest in getting her ears pierced.

She also seems generally less talkative than her peers—she can be social and has friends, but she’s quieter and more reserved overall. She had some emotional regulation issues in the past (mainly meltdowns and frustration when things didn’t go as expected), but that’s improved a lot over the last year.

She does well in school, plays an instrument, swim team, does a rec sport, and seems happy, but I can’t help wondering if she’s just on her own timeline or if there might be something more going on. I’m not trying to push her to grow up too fast, just trying to get a sense of what’s developmentally typical at this stage I will be in middle school next school year.

Would appreciate any advice or insight. Thx

[Anonymous]

Just accept her. As long as she seems happy and has friends, it's all good

[Anonymous]

Is she your oldest? Girls who are younger siblings seem to be more precocious and try to emulate older siblings. Oldest girls seem to be more sheltered (unless their mom acts like an older sibling instead of a mom)

[Anonymous]

I work with 5th graders. There’s a vast range of normal. She’s normal. And so are the girls into lip gloss and “dating.”

In a few years you will be glad that she’s not moving too fast. Let her be who she is.

[Anonymous]

I have boys, but I can say that the girls in their classes span a wide range of development. My 5th grade sons class has some girls who appear near fully developed for example and some girls who are very much still child like in appearance. And some girls are wearing clothes marketed to tweens and teens and some girls are wearing Carters leggings. I think it’s all normal.

[Anonymous]

Being young for her age and being immature are not the same.
I have a 12yo who was very similar to yours and still is in some ways. The others are giggling about boys, wearing make up etc. mine still wants to ride a bike and hangs with boys and girls as friends.
I think she’s young compared to her peers but she’s not immature.

[Anonymous]

My dd was like that and eventually found other girls like that in middle school. I was the same.

It was a little painful for both dd and me to be left behind by friends who matured more quickly. For a bit she tried to cling on to the friends who would make fun of her for being babyish, either directly or more often by excluding. We talked a lot about finding people who appreciate you who you are.

I think I'd worry more if my dd were fast-maturing tbh as some of those friends moved on to risky behaviors earlier and some were pretty mean in putting old friends down to move up in social circles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being young for her age and being immature are not the same.
I have a 12yo who was very similar to yours and still is in some ways. The others are giggling about boys, wearing make up etc. mine still wants to ride a bike and hangs with boys and girls as friends.
I think she’s young compared to her peers but she’s not immature.

You are attaching judgment to the word immature which is inappropriate in this context.

[Anonymous]

Speaking as the parent of a girl who wanted to wear high heels and make up, girls who don't are much more likely to be successful that the ones who do.

[Anonymous]

She sounds completely normal. I see girls with all different interests in my kids class and at sports. My 5th grader is a mixture of both of your descriptions but out in public you might think she’s more mature or grown-up. She likes the dangly earrings ,lip gloss, and popular shoes, but still hates jeans. She also wears Stitch pajamas, loves squishmallows, craft kits, and still plays with her American girl dolls/ house with a couple girls that also still like them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she your oldest? Girls who are younger siblings seem to be more precocious and try to emulate older siblings. Oldest girls seem to be more sheltered (unless their mom acts like an older sibling instead of a mom)

Thanks, she is indeed my oldest. She has a 9yo sister.

[Anonymous]

DS is 10 in 5th grade and is in a similar situation to your daughter. He adores his stuffed animals, plays with them all the time, and a lot of the playing he does is make believe. He wants me to walk him right up to school, holding his hand and get his hug and kiss and doesn't seem to get that some kids would think that's embarrassing. He has his activities, many friends, does well in school, seems happy. But he does seem much younger than peers. I do worry about it, but ultimately I think they have to go at their own pace. Interested to read additional responses on here from been there done their parents.

[Anonymous]

It's fine. It's better than fine, it's good. It may cause some friendship changes as kids mature in different ways, but overall this is the better deal.

[Anonymous]

Be happy she's not growing up too fast.

[Anonymous]

This is the age range with all the kids where there are HUGE differences. It's all normal. I also agree the ones with older siblings can tend to be into older things sooner.