S/O As the “poorer” relative

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Host at your place.

Not OP, but I'm the poorer relative, and can't host people at my place. If you came over, you could either sit on my bed or my loveseat that fits two. If I'm in the kitchen, you can stand in the doorway while I cook, to talk with me. We're eating either on my bed or the loveseat. You have to straddle the toilet to close the bathroom door. It's VERY small. I can't afford to move. So no, I don't host.

Who cares if you have to sit on the sofa or the bed? I can’t imagine literally never going to visit my sister at home because she can’t host some kind of formal dinnner party.

[Anonymous]

We don't invite the "poor relations" to dine out with us. My parents used to, once they passed I ended that tradition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Host at your place.

Not OP, but I'm the poorer relative, and can't host people at my place. If you came over, you could either sit on my bed or my loveseat that fits two. If I'm in the kitchen, you can stand in the doorway while I cook, to talk with me. We're eating either on my bed or the loveseat. You have to straddle the toilet to close the bathroom door. It's VERY small. I can't afford to move. So no, I don't host.

Who cares if you have to sit on the sofa or the bed? I can’t imagine literally never going to visit my sister at home because she can’t host some kind of formal dinnner party.

Ugh I can. It's just tacky and uncomfortable in middle age. I need real furniture. If you are either too lazy to purchase furniture or too poor, that's a you problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be honest. “Let’s go someplace a little more low key” or “that’s out of my budget - do you want to try this new place I found?”

I’m on both sides of this - the rich relative in one side and the poor relative on the other. I have a friend who is struggling and she started declining our group outings - once we realized it, we now meet at Panera or something because being together is more important than a fancy meal.

Different poster here, but my rich relatives really like Michelin star restaurants and won't eat at McDonalds or Panera or Chipotle, which is about all my budget could handle. Yes, they're snobs that way.

Then a simple smile and “That’s out of my budget.” is all you have to say.

And if they say my treat then graciously accept.

I think this is it. I just want to know that I’m paying in advance and for that to be acknowledged.
What drives me nuts is when no one else seems to see the bill or MIL just tells the waiter to give it to DH without asking or saying thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Host at your place.

Not OP, but I'm the poorer relative, and can't host people at my place. If you came over, you could either sit on my bed or my loveseat that fits two. If I'm in the kitchen, you can stand in the doorway while I cook, to talk with me. We're eating either on my bed or the loveseat. You have to straddle the toilet to close the bathroom door. It's VERY small. I can't afford to move. So no, I don't host.

Who cares if you have to sit on the sofa or the bed? I can’t imagine literally never going to visit my sister at home because she can’t host some kind of formal dinnner party.

Ugh I can. It's just tacky and uncomfortable in middle age. I need real furniture. If you are either too lazy to purchase furniture or too poor, that's a you problem.

A sofa is real furniture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Host at your place.

Not OP, but I'm the poorer relative, and can't host people at my place. If you came over, you could either sit on my bed or my loveseat that fits two. If I'm in the kitchen, you can stand in the doorway while I cook, to talk with me. We're eating either on my bed or the loveseat. You have to straddle the toilet to close the bathroom door. It's VERY small. I can't afford to move. So no, I don't host.

Who cares if you have to sit on the sofa or the bed? I can’t imagine literally never going to visit my sister at home because she can’t host some kind of formal dinnner party.

I can't invite my sibling, their spouse and two kids. I can invite ONE friend over. My loveseat can fit two, but only if one of the people climbs over something else to get to the "far" seat. My apartment smells like weed or heavy cologne, depending on what my neighbors are doing, it gets no natural sunlight, and is VERY small. It's not an enjoyable place to visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Host at your place.

Not OP, but I'm the poorer relative, and can't host people at my place. If you came over, you could either sit on my bed or my loveseat that fits two. If I'm in the kitchen, you can stand in the doorway while I cook, to talk with me. We're eating either on my bed or the loveseat. You have to straddle the toilet to close the bathroom door. It's VERY small. I can't afford to move. So no, I don't host.

Who cares if you have to sit on the sofa or the bed? I can’t imagine literally never going to visit my sister at home because she can’t host some kind of formal dinnner party.

Ok, but what if your sibling has a large family and you literally can't seat 8 people for a meal?

You could host a BBQ at the park during certain seasons but not everything works for everyone. You could also take "reciprocates hosting of large group meals" off the bingo card by saying you can't do it but can chip in some to not be a leech when others want to go out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Host at your place.

Not OP, but I'm the poorer relative, and can't host people at my place. If you came over, you could either sit on my bed or my loveseat that fits two. If I'm in the kitchen, you can stand in the doorway while I cook, to talk with me. We're eating either on my bed or the loveseat. You have to straddle the toilet to close the bathroom door. It's VERY small. I can't afford to move. So no, I don't host.

Who cares if you have to sit on the sofa or the bed? I can’t imagine literally never going to visit my sister at home because she can’t host some kind of formal dinnner party.

Ok, but what if your sibling has a large family and you literally can't seat 8 people for a meal?

You could host a BBQ at the park during certain seasons but not everything works for everyone. You could also take "reciprocates hosting of large group meals" off the bingo card by saying you can't do it but can chip in some to not be a leech when others want to go out.

If you are a single person, and your sister has five kids, I doubt she sees you as a leech if you don’t pay for her whole family to have dinner.
I have five kids. I’m grateful that my single siblings want to hang out with me and my orbit of children at all.
I definitely don’t expect them to cook for us!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't invite the "poor relations" to dine out with us. My parents used to, once they passed I ended that tradition.

Who wants to dine with the poors! They are wearing last year's fashion, attempt to have the valet park their Honda Civic, and don't know which fork to use! Who can blame you, PP?

/s

[Anonymous]

Can you all do something that doesn't involve food?

For now, at least, we still have free museums. Glenstone Museum is free. This area has a lot of low-cost or free cultural events. You could also meet up for coffee or to walk or play pickleball.

[Anonymous]

We always pay. The poorer relatives usually don’t pay.

I have friends and family who do considerate gestures or acts of kindness. It doesn’t have to be money.

[Anonymous]

Definitely be honest and say it’s out of your budget but what about this other place.