S/O As the “poorer” relative

[Anonymous]

As the poorer relative, I’d like to hear from the “richer”ones what your preferences would be.

As the poorer relative, I wouldn’t assume that the richer ones will pay for me — unless it’s “We’d like to treat you for your birthday “ explicit. I also don’t have the budget to pay the check for everyone for lavish meals at expensive restaurants. Sometimes I handle this by paying just for myself. Sometimes I decline — with a general “Maybe some other time.” — when someone else has already chosen a restaurant that’s not in my budget.

I used to reciprocate by paying the whole check at less expensive restaurants, but this only works when the group is genuinely happy with choosing a less expensive restaurant.

To add, I don’t drink, so, if it makes a difference, my individual bill would usually be on the lower end.,

So, how would you richer relatives and friends prefer people like me to handle these situations?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the poorer relative, I’d like to hear from the “richer”ones what your preferences would be.

As the poorer relative, I wouldn’t assume that the richer ones will pay for me — unless it’s “We’d like to treat you for your birthday “ explicit. I also don’t have the budget to pay the check for everyone for lavish meals at expensive restaurants. Sometimes I handle this by paying just for myself. Sometimes I decline — with a general “Maybe some other time.” — when someone else has already chosen a restaurant that’s not in my budget.

I used to reciprocate by paying the whole check at less expensive restaurants, but this only works when the group is genuinely happy with choosing a less expensive restaurant.

To add, I don’t drink, so, if it makes a difference, my individual bill would usually be on the lower end.,

So, how would you richer relatives and friends prefer people like me to handle these situations?

Host picnics or cook for your relatives. We never go out to eat as an extended family.

[Anonymous]

Be honest. “Let’s go someplace a little more low key” or “that’s out of my budget - do you want to try this new place I found?”

I’m on both sides of this - the rich relative in one side and the poor relative on the other. I have a friend who is struggling and she started declining our group outings - once we realized it, we now meet at Panera or something because being together is more important than a fancy meal.

[Anonymous]

Can you host a BBQ or something? Also if they go somewhere expensive instead of saying no to the invite just order an appetizer and eat lots of dinner rolls or grab something cheap on the way home. If you don’t want them to pay ask the waitress to do separate checks or order at the bar and pay the tab. If they’re that wealthy chances are they don’t really care about the money though they’re just happy you showed up. If they drink you can order a round at the bar which will probably be cheaper than a full dinner.

[Anonymous]

Host at your place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Host at your place.

Not OP, but I'm the poorer relative, and can't host people at my place. If you came over, you could either sit on my bed or my loveseat that fits two. If I'm in the kitchen, you can stand in the doorway while I cook, to talk with me. We're eating either on my bed or the loveseat. You have to straddle the toilet to close the bathroom door. It's VERY small. I can't afford to move. So no, I don't host.

[Anonymous]

None of us are "richer" so we don't go out in big groups! How often does this happen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be honest. “Let’s go someplace a little more low key” or “that’s out of my budget - do you want to try this new place I found?”

I’m on both sides of this - the rich relative in one side and the poor relative on the other. I have a friend who is struggling and she started declining our group outings - once we realized it, we now meet at Panera or something because being together is more important than a fancy meal.

Different poster here, but my rich relatives really like Michelin star restaurants and won't eat at McDonalds or Panera or Chipotle, which is about all my budget could handle. Yes, they're snobs that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Host at your place.

Not OP, but I'm the poorer relative, and can't host people at my place. If you came over, you could either sit on my bed or my loveseat that fits two. If I'm in the kitchen, you can stand in the doorway while I cook, to talk with me. We're eating either on my bed or the loveseat. You have to straddle the toilet to close the bathroom door. It's VERY small. I can't afford to move. So no, I don't host.

I'm in a similar situation. I try to do other things. I bring side dishes, and man the bbq and watch their kids.

[Anonymous]

I'm confused by the scenarios you are mentioning. Why is anyone expecting you to pick up the full tab at an expensive restaurant? If you want to host your entire family for a meal, pick a restaurant you can afford or host at home. If your family picks expensive restaurants, then either pay your portion or decline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be honest. “Let’s go someplace a little more low key” or “that’s out of my budget - do you want to try this new place I found?”

I’m on both sides of this - the rich relative in one side and the poor relative on the other. I have a friend who is struggling and she started declining our group outings - once we realized it, we now meet at Panera or something because being together is more important than a fancy meal.

Different poster here, but my rich relatives really like Michelin star restaurants and won't eat at McDonalds or Panera or Chipotle, which is about all my budget could handle. Yes, they're snobs that way.

Then a simple smile and “That’s out of my budget.” is all you have to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be honest. “Let’s go someplace a little more low key” or “that’s out of my budget - do you want to try this new place I found?”

I’m on both sides of this - the rich relative in one side and the poor relative on the other. I have a friend who is struggling and she started declining our group outings - once we realized it, we now meet at Panera or something because being together is more important than a fancy meal.

Different poster here, but my rich relatives really like Michelin star restaurants and won't eat at McDonalds or Panera or Chipotle, which is about all my budget could handle. Yes, they're snobs that way.

Then a simple smile and “That’s out of my budget.” is all you have to say.

And if they say my treat then graciously accept.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the feedback and suggestions. OP

[Anonymous]

Another good option is to organize activities that are free or cheap. Like get the family together to go for a hike or bring your own picnics to a park.

[Anonymous]

I don’t really understand the situation here. Are these your parents and siblings? Don’t they know that you broke and live in this weird tiny apartment? Or do you really never have them over and exclusively see them at restaurants?