Handling college age kids' friends/SO

[Anonymous]

We allow our DS to have his girlfriend sleep over when they are home from college. They are both 20. I do it because they are nice and respectful, have a real relationship, and I prefer them be able to be at my house so I can see them. I don't like the idea of my kid or her driving around late at night. They either sleep at my house or sleep separately and they let me know.

I care mostly about knowing where DS will be and who will be home for dinner so I can plan. (he is my youngest - if I had younger kids, I might feel differently depending on younger ages).

[Anonymous]

Sit them both down and have a polite adult to adult discussion about this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids aren't that old yet, but I expect I'll have a firm 11 pm curfew, which means they are home by 11 while living at my house, and they can't have guests over after 11 pm while living at my house.

Check back in here in a few years when you have a 17/18 year old and tell us how that's going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids aren't that old yet, but I expect I'll have a firm 11 pm curfew, which means they are home by 11 while living at my house, and they can't have guests over after 11 pm while living at my house.

My HS junior goes out with the cast after her theatre shows--they don't even leave school until 10:30pm after the show. Are you going to deny that?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like it's time for them to get an apartment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op/ Thanks for advice. Have had discussions and another one today. Idk know why her parents don't care but he is allowed to sleep over there. I've reiterated that is Not OK as I think you should pay rent if you sleep somewhere. If he decides he wants to do that, he's old enough to do so.

I have a college student with a BF and am having similar thoughts about the summer. Not about rent, but the BF’s parents don’t seem to have the same boundaries we do. DD thinks we are not understanding of their deep love.

[Anonymous]

This is tough. I remember not returning home after my sophmore year in college because of curfew and lifestyle disagreements.

Returning home in the middle of the night is normal when you are in your 20s and in college. I would be really annoyed by my 1am curfew especially when I would regularly be out later while at school.

I also had a boyfriend and we were together. Its not like the curfew prevented anything. I could understand him not being able to spend the night or hang out though so at least you are less strict than my parents.

When you are dealing with adults it's hard to control behavior unless you inflict consequences (usually monetary). I was really independent and worked full time in the summer so after sophmore year I would work full time and sublet from another student until the dorms opened back up. I never lived back home again because of the rules. I'm in my late 30s now and my relationship with my parents is still good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They r interrupting your sleep. Time for a schedule. Everyone out by 10 PM on weekdays and a few hours later on weekends.

This!

[Anonymous]

I get it. I was out most nights, too, back then. It's not about controlling behavior. We know they're sleeping together. (I am paying for college not for baby making so use contraception.)

I don't like living with people who are coming and going at odd hours especially when I have to get up for work and or to feed the dog. I don't get to sleep until noon.

It's just plain courtesy. So pp solved it by moving out and hopefully paying for it themself. If you can't pay to move out, then you respectfully live with others who may not share your lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Lol, it's so cute how you think they "forgot." Tell your son he may not have friends over for a week because he isn't respecting your rules. Tell him the house closes to guests at 10pm on weeknights and 11pm on weekends.

If he complains that he's an adult point out he's not paying market rent and he's not respecting the other people he lives with like an adult would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you hear them roaming about, turn on the lights and act all upset because they woke you up.

That's what I've done and it works. My kids (and their friends) have to respect our house rules.

They know I'm a "light sleeper" and will wake up and get up!

Also, we don't do sleepovers. It they want to play the "marriage" game, they can get their own place.

My kids know by now and respect the rules...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids aren't that old yet, but I expect I'll have a firm 11 pm curfew, which means they are home by 11 while living at my house, and they can't have guests over after 11 pm while living at my house.

Thereby ensuring they spend as little time at home as possible once they leave for college. Well done.

[Anonymous]

We have four daughters and had and still have great relationships with them. It would have never occurred to any one of them to have their boyfriend come to our house and spend the night. They had/ have far too much respect for us to even consider that.

[Anonymous]

My college kids are too busy to do this kind of tomfoolery, they have internships and jobs and MCAT and lsat etc.
anyway I’d set a time (11?) and say “ok bye! Time to go home!” If he wants to be out later he should go to her place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have four daughters and had and still have great relationships with them. It would have never occurred to any one of them to have their boyfriend come to our house and spend the night. They had/ have far too much respect for us to even consider that.

+1 and respect for themselves!