Would you reach out in this situation

[Anonymous]

Can you just offer to drive the kids yourself, hinting you'd like to visit with her as well? That would give you the opportunity to see her in person and guage how she's doing and bring it up in person. Alternatively, if she insists she drive, that gives you the opening to inquire about the DUI.

Does she have any family? She might need some emotional support either if she's abusing substances or just to navigate the legal system. I can't imagine how scary that would be for an elderly person, and as others said, it may be a medication thing. It might be a relief if you bring it up sensitively.

[Anonymous]

Why does she still have a license?

[Anonymous]

Here's the problem. I don't believe your zip code story. It's too convenient. I feel like someone (who cared) told you, and you don't want to reveal that to her.

I think you should advise someone let you know and you wanted to reach out to see if she's ok etc. That I wasn't comfortable w her driving the kids and I'm sure she would understand that, etc. I am not a drinker but I know people who drink wine often have MASSIVE GOBLETS of wine and think it's a single glass when it is many times that. I wouldn't assume the worst, but I also would need to address it as it relates to her health and my kids safety.

[Anonymous]

The safety of my kids trumps any concerns about niceties or feelings. Period.

Also, I don't buy the "searching for a zip code and DUI popped up".

Generally you have to hunt to find arrests/convictions etc... I know because I've done it. And I've looked up plenty of addresses also. Court records don't just "pop up".

Unless of course it's Mary Lou Retton as a pp suggested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:TLDR: My mom has passed and her cousin has kind of acted as a surrogate grandmother for my kids. She lives a couple hours away and will occasionally take them on ski trip days or to the beach etc.

While Googling her name to look up her zip code (actually to send a thank you note for sending my kids Easter gifts...) -- I found out she has just been arrested for a DUI. She is 70. She texted me this morning asking if she could pick up the kids next weekend to take them to her lake house for the day.
I have no idea what the status of her driver's license is. But I am not comfortable with her driving with my kids in the car. She did NOT disclose this arrest to me and is probably humiliated -- but I just do not feel comfortable letting my kids ride with her and I need to think of a reason why, since they have done so for years.

No freakin idea how to handle this diplomatically. I'm not going to say, "Hey! Saw you got arrested!" I also can't keep making up white lies indefinitely.
Help.

Please no.

[Anonymous]

Will she be drinking before driving your kids? Why does a dui mean a person is a dangerous driver generally?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Will she be drinking before driving your kids? Why does a dui mean a person is a dangerous driver generally?

hi Mary Lou