The psychological motivations of DCUM

[Anonymous]

I think for certain, relatively “harmless” topics, it’s very freeing to say out loud things that people suppress out of politeness or taking the high road or living to let live most of the time.

I’m not talking about harmful comments here. I’m talking about airing one’s true feelings about when grown adults ask their friends to help them move vs. hiring professional movers, or real perspectives on how few people actually want to be invited to a destination wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This feels like a particular trigger of yours, which I get, but "hey that's a symptom of cancer" is pretty different than making fun of someone's income.

Not really; there's a certain glee and tone-deafness in all of these comments.

There's no glee in the comments you mention (which I didn't make for the record), which is why I think this is some kind of personal trigger for you that's keeping you from judging the comments accurately. They're dry and factual; so factual in fact that OP responds with a series of tests that have been done, in part to rule out bladder cancer. Had OP not had those tests, the comments would have been useful.

My perspective is this: I have recently had similar symptoms to OP. I did not come to DCUM, but if I had "hey maybe talk to your doctor about cancer" would have been potentially helpful advice that I would have appreciated getting, even if cancer is pretty unlikely. I would be pretty annoyed if the standard for discussion became "don't mention potentially serious diagnoses because that's cruel." It would make the boards less useful not more, unlike genuinely catty comments about income which don't add anything.

I think there's a diplomatic way to phrase things; it's a lost art.

DCUM posters like to be blunt because they are truth tellers.

+1

I love how the illusion of anonymity here prompts people to post their true, unsanitized opinions.

I hate heavy moderated online communities where any comment which causes some to take offense is deleted.

Honestly if snarky hot takes from random strangers on the internet hurt your feelings, it is on you to toughen up and re-evaluate your priorities in life. All adults should know that some people are mean jerks or mentally unwell and it’s of no importance to your life.

Disagree.

Many posters simply make sh&t up to bash someone who is struggling and pretend they "truth-telling". It is delusional.

Also any woman who has a problem with her husband is at fault, according to some. She should never have married him! Get a divorce immediately! Lol gmafb

+2. I’m tired of self-appointed “truth tellers” who think labeling themselves that is a license to spew all kinds of bs and even toxicity. Sometimes it looks little different from narcissism. Newsflash, your personal truth isn’t necessarily another person’s truth.

[Anonymous]

People are trying to be like Carolyn Hax and fail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jeff (and others),
Do you ever wonder what motivates people to post certain competitive, cruel, catty things here? Is this a universal issue with message boards; as in, anonymity is the perfect cloak for the evil that lurks within all of us?

I see people -- presumably adults, many of whom are parents -- acting in ways that my 6th-grader would have outgrown by now. Putting people down, making competitive remarks about colleges or sports, making fun of people's income, suggesting people have cancer when they post a common symptom on the health board, writing things that would make them humiliated if their true identities were discovered.

Is this a Beltway thing? A DCUM thing? An anonymity thing? Does this board attract people with axes to grind? Yes, sometimes there are posts that reaffirm my faith in humanity, but often, the things I see here make me wonder what brand of vitriol lurks inside so many of us.

Ideas?

I agree and think it's an anonymity thing. Best way to check is to see if people are not as mean when their identity s known.

I also think a lot of "vitriol lurks inside" many people and posting anonymously allows people to get it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This feels like a particular trigger of yours, which I get, but "hey that's a symptom of cancer" is pretty different than making fun of someone's income.

Not really; there's a certain glee and tone-deafness in all of these comments.

There's no glee in the comments you mention (which I didn't make for the record), which is why I think this is some kind of personal trigger for you that's keeping you from judging the comments accurately. They're dry and factual; so factual in fact that OP responds with a series of tests that have been done, in part to rule out bladder cancer. Had OP not had those tests, the comments would have been useful.

My perspective is this: I have recently had similar symptoms to OP. I did not come to DCUM, but if I had "hey maybe talk to your doctor about cancer" would have been potentially helpful advice that I would have appreciated getting, even if cancer is pretty unlikely. I would be pretty annoyed if the standard for discussion became "don't mention potentially serious diagnoses because that's cruel." It would make the boards less useful not more, unlike genuinely catty comments about income which don't add anything.

I think there's a diplomatic way to phrase things; it's a lost art.

DCUM posters like to be blunt because they are truth tellers.

+1

I love how the illusion of anonymity here prompts people to post their true, unsanitized opinions.

I hate heavy moderated online communities where any comment which causes some to take offense is deleted.

Honestly if snarky hot takes from random strangers on the internet hurt your feelings, it is on you to toughen up and re-evaluate your priorities in life. All adults should know that some people are mean jerks or mentally unwell and it’s of no importance to your life.

Disagree.

Many posters simply make sh&t up to bash someone who is struggling and pretend they "truth-telling". It is delusional.

Also any woman who has a problem with her husband is at fault, according to some. She should never have married him! Get a divorce immediately! Lol gmafb

+2

So much here is totally made up. So many lies.