The psychological motivations of DCUM

[Anonymous]

Jeff (and others),
Do you ever wonder what motivates people to post certain competitive, cruel, catty things here? Is this a universal issue with message boards; as in, anonymity is the perfect cloak for the evil that lurks within all of us?

I see people -- presumably adults, many of whom are parents -- acting in ways that my 6th-grader would have outgrown by now. Putting people down, making competitive remarks about colleges or sports, making fun of people's income, suggesting people have cancer when they post a common symptom on the health board, writing things that would make them humiliated if their true identities were discovered.

Is this a Beltway thing? A DCUM thing? An anonymity thing? Does this board attract people with axes to grind? Yes, sometimes there are posts that reaffirm my faith in humanity, but often, the things I see here make me wonder what brand of vitriol lurks inside so many of us.

Ideas?

[Anonymous]

This feels like a particular trigger of yours, which I get, but "hey that's a symptom of cancer" is pretty different than making fun of someone's income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This feels like a particular trigger of yours, which I get, but "hey that's a symptom of cancer" is pretty different than making fun of someone's income.

Not really; there's a certain glee and tone-deafness in all of these comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jeff (and others),
Do you ever wonder what motivates people to post certain competitive, cruel, catty things here? Is this a universal issue with message boards; as in, anonymity is the perfect cloak for the evil that lurks within all of us?

I see people -- presumably adults, many of whom are parents -- acting in ways that my 6th-grader would have outgrown by now. Putting people down, making competitive remarks about colleges or sports, making fun of people's income, suggesting people have cancer when they post a common symptom on the health board, writing things that would make them humiliated if their true identities were discovered.

Is this a Beltway thing? A DCUM thing? An anonymity thing? Does this board attract people with axes to grind? Yes, sometimes there are posts that reaffirm my faith in humanity, but often, the things I see here make me wonder what brand of vitriol lurks inside so many of us.

Ideas?

Some people, presumably functioning adults, are just so demonstrably stupid that it's hard to resist. That's my excuse!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This feels like a particular trigger of yours, which I get, but "hey that's a symptom of cancer" is pretty different than making fun of someone's income.

Not really; there's a certain glee and tone-deafness in all of these comments.

There's no glee in the comments you mention (which I didn't make for the record), which is why I think this is some kind of personal trigger for you that's keeping you from judging the comments accurately. They're dry and factual; so factual in fact that OP responds with a series of tests that have been done, in part to rule out bladder cancer. Had OP not had those tests, the comments would have been useful.

My perspective is this: I have recently had similar symptoms to OP. I did not come to DCUM, but if I had "hey maybe talk to your doctor about cancer" would have been potentially helpful advice that I would have appreciated getting, even if cancer is pretty unlikely. I would be pretty annoyed if the standard for discussion became "don't mention potentially serious diagnoses because that's cruel." It would make the boards less useful not more, unlike genuinely catty comments about income which don't add anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This feels like a particular trigger of yours, which I get, but "hey that's a symptom of cancer" is pretty different than making fun of someone's income.

Not really; there's a certain glee and tone-deafness in all of these comments.

There's no glee in the comments you mention (which I didn't make for the record), which is why I think this is some kind of personal trigger for you that's keeping you from judging the comments accurately. They're dry and factual; so factual in fact that OP responds with a series of tests that have been done, in part to rule out bladder cancer. Had OP not had those tests, the comments would have been useful.

My perspective is this: I have recently had similar symptoms to OP. I did not come to DCUM, but if I had "hey maybe talk to your doctor about cancer" would have been potentially helpful advice that I would have appreciated getting, even if cancer is pretty unlikely. I would be pretty annoyed if the standard for discussion became "don't mention potentially serious diagnoses because that's cruel." It would make the boards less useful not more, unlike genuinely catty comments about income which don't add anything.

I think there's a diplomatic way to phrase things; it's a lost art.

[jsteele]

Anonymous wrote:Jeff (and others),
Do you ever wonder what motivates people to post certain competitive, cruel, catty things here? Is this a universal issue with message boards; as in, anonymity is the perfect cloak for the evil that lurks within all of us?

I see people -- presumably adults, many of whom are parents -- acting in ways that my 6th-grader would have outgrown by now. Putting people down, making competitive remarks about colleges or sports, making fun of people's income, suggesting people have cancer when they post a common symptom on the health board, writing things that would make them humiliated if their true identities were discovered.

Is this a Beltway thing? A DCUM thing? An anonymity thing? Does this board attract people with axes to grind? Yes, sometimes there are posts that reaffirm my faith in humanity, but often, the things I see here make me wonder what brand of vitriol lurks inside so many of us.

Ideas?

I don't think there is a single answer. Some people are just entertaining themselves. They don't really care if they are helpful and actually might find it more fun not to be helpful. There is no real explanation for their response other than that they were fun. There is a minority, or at least I hope it is a minority, who are simply mean and take pleasure in being mean. But an unfortunately large number of posters appear to have mental health issues. I am not a psychologist and can't diagnose these folks, but the ones with whom I am most familiar are simply obsessed with posting. They commonly have a couple of strongly-held views and absolutely nothing can stop them from posting those views. These views can be anything from the proper age to get married, to the best sport to play in high school or whether a child should be held back a grade in school. If you post an opinion that conflicts with their view, you are going to hear from them and not necessarily in a polite manner.

[Anonymous]

I've been reading DCUM for more than 15 years, and appreciate the tough love and unvarnished opinions of people, because I can never get that in real life except from my husband and a couple of friends. People hide behind polite facades, which is great for diplomacy, but less great when you actually want to solve a problem and need to consider some uncomfortable truths that you'd otherwise not hear.

Of course there are posts that are gratuitously mean and unhelpful, and sometimes those come, not from trolls whose business it is to hurt people, but from otherwise decent humans who are choosing that moment to blow off steam for whatever reason. But I will gladly pay that price to get the helpful comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This feels like a particular trigger of yours, which I get, but "hey that's a symptom of cancer" is pretty different than making fun of someone's income.

Not really; there's a certain glee and tone-deafness in all of these comments.

There's no glee in the comments you mention (which I didn't make for the record), which is why I think this is some kind of personal trigger for you that's keeping you from judging the comments accurately. They're dry and factual; so factual in fact that OP responds with a series of tests that have been done, in part to rule out bladder cancer. Had OP not had those tests, the comments would have been useful.

My perspective is this: I have recently had similar symptoms to OP. I did not come to DCUM, but if I had "hey maybe talk to your doctor about cancer" would have been potentially helpful advice that I would have appreciated getting, even if cancer is pretty unlikely. I would be pretty annoyed if the standard for discussion became "don't mention potentially serious diagnoses because that's cruel." It would make the boards less useful not more, unlike genuinely catty comments about income which don't add anything.

I think there's a diplomatic way to phrase things; it's a lost art.

DCUM posters like to be blunt because they are truth tellers.

[Anonymous]

It's OK to hear other views.

Sometimes the Overton Window skews things to a point of pure fiction and fantasy. A little reality can be a healthy thing.

[Anonymous]

The NYC equivalent, UrbanBaby, is now shut down but the crazy mean people there make DCUM posters look like pussycats.
It’s just the nature of the beast: competitive area + anonymity = brings out the worst in everyone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This feels like a particular trigger of yours, which I get, but "hey that's a symptom of cancer" is pretty different than making fun of someone's income.

Not really; there's a certain glee and tone-deafness in all of these comments.

There's no glee in the comments you mention (which I didn't make for the record), which is why I think this is some kind of personal trigger for you that's keeping you from judging the comments accurately. They're dry and factual; so factual in fact that OP responds with a series of tests that have been done, in part to rule out bladder cancer. Had OP not had those tests, the comments would have been useful.

My perspective is this: I have recently had similar symptoms to OP. I did not come to DCUM, but if I had "hey maybe talk to your doctor about cancer" would have been potentially helpful advice that I would have appreciated getting, even if cancer is pretty unlikely. I would be pretty annoyed if the standard for discussion became "don't mention potentially serious diagnoses because that's cruel." It would make the boards less useful not more, unlike genuinely catty comments about income which don't add anything.

I think there's a diplomatic way to phrase things; it's a lost art.

DCUM posters like to be blunt because they are truth tellers.

+1

I love how the illusion of anonymity here prompts people to post their true, unsanitized opinions.

I hate heavy moderated online communities where any comment which causes some to take offense is deleted.

Honestly if snarky hot takes from random strangers on the internet hurt your feelings, it is on you to toughen up and re-evaluate your priorities in life. All adults should know that some people are mean jerks or mentally unwell and it’s of no importance to your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This feels like a particular trigger of yours, which I get, but "hey that's a symptom of cancer" is pretty different than making fun of someone's income.

Not really; there's a certain glee and tone-deafness in all of these comments.

There's no glee in the comments you mention (which I didn't make for the record), which is why I think this is some kind of personal trigger for you that's keeping you from judging the comments accurately. They're dry and factual; so factual in fact that OP responds with a series of tests that have been done, in part to rule out bladder cancer. Had OP not had those tests, the comments would have been useful.

My perspective is this: I have recently had similar symptoms to OP. I did not come to DCUM, but if I had "hey maybe talk to your doctor about cancer" would have been potentially helpful advice that I would have appreciated getting, even if cancer is pretty unlikely. I would be pretty annoyed if the standard for discussion became "don't mention potentially serious diagnoses because that's cruel." It would make the boards less useful not more, unlike genuinely catty comments about income which don't add anything.

I think there's a diplomatic way to phrase things; it's a lost art.

DCUM posters like to be blunt because they are truth tellers.

+1

I love how the illusion of anonymity here prompts people to post their true, unsanitized opinions.

I hate heavy moderated online communities where any comment which causes some to take offense is deleted.

Honestly if snarky hot takes from random strangers on the internet hurt your feelings, it is on you to toughen up and re-evaluate your priorities in life. All adults should know that some people are mean jerks or mentally unwell and it’s of no importance to your life.

Disagree.

Many posters simply make sh&t up to bash someone who is struggling and pretend they "truth-telling". It is delusional.

Also any woman who has a problem with her husband is at fault, according to some. She should never have married him! Get a divorce immediately! Lol gmafb

[Anonymous]

I used to think this was a cesspool of mean, nasty commenters. I confess I now come here every few weeks, although when my kids were in school I came much more frequently.

But then I spent a little time on the Daily Mail, specifically in the royals section, where all the racists and royalists are snapping at the red meat the Mail's "royal experts" toss out in the form of 5-6 daily hit pieces on Meghan and Harry. If you want to see the vile face of humanity, or mankind's seedy underbelly, or maybe the boil on the internet's butt, that's where you go.

Yes there are some annoying trolls in certain DCUM forums. But I have a new appreciation for Jeff's moderation here, which weeds out the worst offenders.

[Anonymous]

Self-loathing. Hurt people hurt people.