Do you tell tweens to stay away from kids if their parents are trouble?
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Anonymous
| My kids don’t have friends with creepy parents, but yes, I’d discourage it. |
Anonymous
It would be ok around the girl and a mom. But never a dad. |
Anonymous
|
During school is fine — should not ostracize girl. I would just set boundary as not going over their house and practice ways for not making it weird. If the girls are friends, still have her over or include her otherwise.
It is tricky but doable. |
Anonymous
|
No, and we've had some doozies like serious legal issues, jail time, drug dealing, rampant affairs. I think ostracizing an innocent kid (who might be just as fed up with that parent) is unconscionable.
I will keep my distance far away and easily. Kids can make their own minds and I won't dissuade them unless the kid is actually trouble themselves but other kids sense that quickly. Sometimes the dangerous kids have stellar parents. I would step in if my kids were having trouble discerning safe people. In case of a creepy dad as you mentioned, I would not allow sleepovers or time over but that kid could come over and/or they could hang out elsewhere. |
Anonymous
|
I understand not wanting your DD to be around unsafe people or situations, so it makes sense that you want to ensure she's not around the dad.
But if there's a way for her to see the other child safely, (public places with you chaperoning, coming to play at your house, etc) it seems a shame to totally cut off the friendship. My background biases me a little here: my mom was severely mentally ill & my dad was a problem drinker with a violent mean temper, and I ended up with guardianship of my much younger siblings when I was 18 years old because otherwise social services was going to take the kids. Most of the families at their school ended up aware I was their guardian and a decent idea of what our parents were like. My brother lost a few friends when their parents did not think I was a suitable person to supervise him & their kids together, and one of the families was very vocal about thinking the kids would be a "trashy bad influence" coming from a turbulent family background-- all of which was definitely tough to navigate. I completely understand parents using their own judgment and making whatever choices they deem safe for their kids, but I would encourage you to reconsider forbidding the friendship if there might be safe alternative ways to navigate the situation. Can the kids just be friends at school & occasionally under your direct supervision? That's less abrupt than completely trying to keep them apart. |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't. It will get back to the kid. |
Anonymous
|
Yes. I have done this. Happened around the same time - 5th grade and into 6th grade. Girl was smart and part of a tight group of friends that included my daughter. Mom was an alcoholic and spent a lot of time at the local bar. Girl ended up at my house many nights past 11pm with no ride home. I'd take her home and she would be locked out and not able to get in. She also told DD about numerous men that spent the night at her house.
I felt bad for her until she started acting out - started stealing her mom's vape pen and bringing it to school and pressuring DD into vaping in the bathroom (at age 11). She also starting "dating" a 16 year old boy (she could easily pass for 16 at age 12). I had to have the hard convos with my daughter that she was not ready for at that young age. Our rule was friend could come to our house but she had to have a ride home at a reasonable hour and DD was never allowed to go to her house. Eventually they stopped being friends because DD was uncomfortable with her behaviors. |
Anonymous
| Of course. |
Anonymous
|
School friendship only.
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Anonymous
| Trust your gut, OP. |