Do you tell tweens to stay away from kids if their parents are trouble?

[Anonymous]

DD is in 5th and has lots of friends, and is friendly with a girl who is nice enough but has a creepy dad (restraining order by ex but split custody, has allegedly followed another mom around, does not get social cues and asked to do a childcare exchange with a 3rd mom before even meeting in person). The dad creeps me out and is at school events, and this weekend tried to insist he and his daughter run an errand with me and my girl when I said we had to leave. It was unsettling. I won’t host or ever consider letting my kid be anywhere near any of them outside of school. Would you encourage your daughter to stay away during school or let it go? They will not be at the same school next year, but there’s always the risk of seeing them as we live in the same neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

No. I don’t encourage my daughter to stay away from her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is in 5th and has lots of friends, and is friendly with a girl who is nice enough but has a creepy dad (restraining order by ex but split custody, has allegedly followed another mom around, does not get social cues and asked to do a childcare exchange with a 3rd mom before even meeting in person). The dad creeps me out and is at school events, and this weekend tried to insist he and his daughter run an errand with me and my girl when I said we had to leave. It was unsettling. I won’t host or ever consider letting my kid be anywhere near any of them outside of school. Would you encourage your daughter to stay away during school or let it go? They will not be at the same school next year, but there’s always the risk of seeing them as we live in the same neighborhood.

I have a feeling you’re the problem.

[Anonymous]

What, no ?? I would make sure to only have dealings with the girls mom, and any invites would be during her time.

[Anonymous]

No.

But if I am uncomfortable with the parent or parents, then I won’t allow my kid around the parents unsupervised (friend would still be welcome at our house or on outings etc)

[Anonymous]

In this case, no, I would just make sure my kid never was around the dad. So, I'd definitely invite the other girl over to play, and I'd be happy to have my daughter go to the little girl's mom's house. I wouldn't keep the kids apart.

I will say, that growing up (Long Island, NY, if you're wondering) there was some organized crime in our area. When I was a kid, there was a family with a boy my older brother's age where the parents were known to be in the mob - an uncle and cousin were both in jail for mob-related activities, so it wasn't just rumor. The boy was actually a sweet kid and he played basketball with my brother. They started to become friends, and my dad had to sit my brother down and essentially say, look, I know he's a nice kid, I feel for him, but I cannot let you be friends with a kid whose family is in the mafia. It's just too dangerous and unpredictable. You can be teammates, and of course be kind to him, but you cannot go to his house and he cannot come here, and you need to keep your distance. My brother was probably 16 or 17, and old enough to understand that this wasn't just an overly strict dad - these people were murderers.

That seemed like the right call, but your case isn't nearly that extreme. Wonder what happened to that kid.

[Anonymous]

That's really mean. You can insist that your daughter not ever be alone with the dad or not go over to the dad's house but you can't keep her away from a friend just b/c you don't like the dad. How cruel!

[Anonymous]

No you let them be friends your kid never goes anywhere after school with them and doesn’t have them over to your house

School friends nothing more

I had to do this with a family in my neighborhood it killed me their kids were great , mom was and is a drug addict., recently on 495 she almost killed others with her car while driving intoxicated.

Nothing about my keeping my kids from hers made me feel good. But I had to make a choice. I chose my kid.

[Anonymous]

I would have contact only with the mom. I'd avoid the dad. But, only at your house, not theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have contact only with the mom. I'd avoid the dad. But, only at your house, not theirs.

I would keep it as a school only friendship. Don’t host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have contact only with the mom. I'd avoid the dad. But, only at your house, not theirs.

I would keep it as a school only friendship. Don’t host.

+1. Hosting will make them feel like they need to reciprocate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No you let them be friends your kid never goes anywhere after school with them and doesn’t have them over to your house

School friends nothing more

I had to do this with a family in my neighborhood it killed me their kids were great , mom was and is a drug addict., recently on 495 she almost killed others with her car while driving intoxicated.

Nothing about my keeping my kids from hers made me feel good. But I had to make a choice. I chose my kid.

This is the right answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is in 5th and has lots of friends, and is friendly with a girl who is nice enough but has a creepy dad (restraining order by ex but split custody, has allegedly followed another mom around, does not get social cues and asked to do a childcare exchange with a 3rd mom before even meeting in person). The dad creeps me out and is at school events, and this weekend tried to insist he and his daughter run an errand with me and my girl when I said we had to leave. It was unsettling. I won’t host or ever consider letting my kid be anywhere near any of them outside of school. Would you encourage your daughter to stay away during school or let it go? They will not be at the same school next year, but there’s always the risk of seeing them as we live in the same neighborhood.

I have a feeling you’re the problem.

Op here. GMAB. This man is a creep and I don’t want to be around him myself, nor have my kid anywhere near his radar. I feel sorry for his daughter but I have to think of my own.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t let my daughter hang out there but no, I would not meddle in the friendship beyond that. It’s May. They won’t be at the same school next year. Chances are they drift naturally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have contact only with the mom. I'd avoid the dad. But, only at your house, not theirs.

I would keep it as a school only friendship. Don’t host.

If I felt strongly about it, this is what I'd do. I would just *not* organize anything outside of school for the kids. They can be in school friends and that's totally fine.

The year is almost over and they will go to different schools next year. Just let this one ride out.