Should I make my teen pay for his tutoring

[Anonymous]

No. He’s not the one that picked the school or the tutor. He shouldn’t have to pay for services that you chose for him. He’s struggling. That the remedies that you chose for him aren’t adequately addressing his struggles needs to be assessed. If you don’t think the tutoring sessions are helpful, then stop the tutoring sessions.

I’d recommend a neuropsych assessment to look at learning issues and the impacts of ADHD on his functioning. You don’t mention medications, but a psychiatric assessment might have useful recommendations, including meds. He may or may not be in the best school to meet his current needs, so that should be looked at as well.

It sounds like you want to punish a kid with a disability because the school and tutor and coach that you’ve chosen are not getting him to perform the way you’d like him to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the tutors and coach suck

Disagree. Maybe they do. But it sounds like the main issue is his work ethic. Tutors and coaches can’t do the work for you and turn it in. It sounds like he just isn’t getting anything done, not doing his work in class, not paying attention. Once per week tutoring for an hr isn’t going to move the needle for a kid that is checked out in class 5 days per week for multiple classes per day.

Honestly, I’d drop the tutor. He has to get it together and do his part- study for tests, turn homework in, participate in class, do his class work. A tutor can’t do this for him. You need to start micromanaging him.


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[Anonymous]

You are doing everything for him. I wouldn’t get motivated either

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not. You have made the choices about his education. It sounds like you probably coddled a lot. But don’t punish him because you taught him he wasnt strong enough to do the basics.

[Anonymous]

Is he on adhd medication? If no, why not? If it’s bc you are one of those people who thinks it’s bad and kids just need to “get off their phones and try harder” than you need to get over it and realize your failure here. You set him up to fail bc of preconceived notions.

If he refuses to take them (I know kids like this) or if he is medicated, then he needs to switch to public. This school is too rigorous. You are paying for him to get a 2.0 at best and not go to university. Why send him to a college prep school, that’s insane? He’s in high school and kids at this age go to different schools and are able to keep friends just fine. Imagine also what it’s done to his self esteem to be the worst in his class. That’s usually bad for kids and they end up with a “why bother” attitude. At public he would be more in the middle and may step it up bc expectations are more reasonable for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:lax-a-dazzical!

Hilarious.

No, op of course you shouldn’t make him pay. You get him the help he needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS goes to private school and had been lax-a-dazzical student. We’ve paid for a year of tutoring and he still gets C’s and D’s, F’s too.

Note, he has ADHD and gets extended time (we also pay for an executive coach too, separately). He still doesn’t get all his assignments done or hand them in, doesn’t go see the teacher to ask for help, and doesn’t study and use all the study skills “tools” he should know by now. I told him he has to oay the balance of the year’s tutoring sessions; he has funds from his summer job.

We were going to switch schools but afraid it would induce depression in him. Overall, he’s a great kid and has nice friends. Nothing motivates him.

I think you need a tutor, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS goes to private school and had been lax-a-dazzical student. We’ve paid for a year of tutoring and he still gets C’s and D’s, F’s too.

Note, he has ADHD and gets extended time (we also pay for an executive coach too, separately). He still doesn’t get all his assignments done or hand them in, doesn’t go see the teacher to ask for help, and doesn’t study and use all the study skills “tools” he should know by now. I told him he has to oay the balance of the year’s tutoring sessions; he has funds from his summer job.

We were going to switch schools but afraid it would induce depression in him. Overall, he’s a great kid and has nice friends. Nothing motivates him.

Why are you paying for private school?

This is the wrong school for him

It is your job to educate him period.

You have failed not him.

Why on earth are you doing this?

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS goes to private school and had been lax-a-dazzical student. We’ve paid for a year of tutoring and he still gets C’s and D’s, F’s too.

Note, he has ADHD and gets extended time (we also pay for an executive coach too, separately). He still doesn’t get all his assignments done or hand them in, doesn’t go see the teacher to ask for help, and doesn’t study and use all the study skills “tools” he should know by now. I told him he has to oay the balance of the year’s tutoring sessions; he has funds from his summer job.

We were going to switch schools but afraid it would induce depression in him. Overall, he’s a great kid and has nice friends. Nothing motivates him.

I think you need a tutor, OP.

I thought she meant like a lacrosse bro.

Anyway, op, you may understand him well but it's hard to tell. Read up on motivational interviewing and try it to get a better sense of what's up with him. What DOES he care about? Is he struggling with concepts? Willpower? Distractions? If he's on medication, it's possible it's not the right first. Talk to his doctor, too

This book goes through the concept of motivational interviewing and the authors also have done talks you can find on YouTube:
What Do You Say?: How to Talk with Kids to Build Motivation, Stress Tolerance, and a Happy Home
https://theselfdrivenchild.com/

Not every kid is built for college track, send some will get there, but maybe not on time with their pets. That's scary, but it can be okay.

[Anonymous]

I would send him to public school. Mine is going to community college and not a step into 4-year school unless he keeps his grades up.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you don’t understand how ADHD works. He should make you pay for your own parenting coach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:lax-a-dazzical!

I mean you can see where he gets this from.

[Anonymous]

If he’s getting tutoring and executive coaching, my question would be whether he’s capable of better grades. Not everyone is capable of As or Bs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he medicated?

This. If not, you’re wasting your money on everything else.

Agree