Teens eating with friends then not hungry for meals at home

[Anonymous]

So glad to read this thread. My daughter is doing the same thing, and although I’m worried about her diet, she’s healthy and I’m glad she has friend groups that she’s comfortable with. And yes, she will be leaving the nest relatively soon, so I’m conscious of every minute that she’s home.

Glad I’m not alone!

[Anonymous]

I’d feel angry, and set rules. Permission must be granted for snacks and meals between meals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not have this problem, because my teenagers are boys who can eat a giant Chipotle burrito as a "snack" at 5:30 after practice, and still hoover up enough dinner to serve a platoon of marines at 6:15. I'd be delighted if they left a smaller dent in my food budget!

But I can foresee this coming with my next teenager who is a girl. It would annoy me because cooking is my love language. But I agree with everyone else that it's actually a good sign, so I'd bite my tongue and maybe start putting some of that love into breakfast treats or packing lunch.

I hope you’re just being lighthearted here. Cooking was the way my mom showed love and that led to a lifetime of emotional eating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My oldest is now at the age where her friends have cars and they can get around the local area and will get Boba or fries or sometimes a whole meal after school. She has her own money from babysitting, she does all her homework and gets good grades, etc.

The one thing that gets on my nerves is when she comes home and we all sit down for dinner, she picks at it because she filled up on the other stuff. She doesn’t complain, she still sits with us and talks, she just eats a little bit (it’s not an eating disorder, she eats just fine most of the time).

I spend a lot of time cooking homemade food for the family, try to keep it healthy, but they all like what I make. I feel like she need more whole food and less sugar at this crucial time of growth and brain development. We are not a no sugar family at all, but boba and sugary drinks a lot isn’t great.

On the other hand. I’m also happy she has friends and a social life, because she’s happiest when she has solid friends.

Anyone else feel this way? How do you handle it?

Cooking shouldn't take much time. 30min to hour max per day. Learn how to streamline it.
Also, don't forget fats. That's what makes a meal tasty and healthy.
Could be she is tired of your cooking, and needs some variety?
Sure you already thought of all this though, so really guess you just want to hear "it's normal". It is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not have this problem, because my teenagers are boys who can eat a giant Chipotle burrito as a "snack" at 5:30 after practice, and still hoover up enough dinner to serve a platoon of marines at 6:15. I'd be delighted if they left a smaller dent in my food budget!

But I can foresee this coming with my next teenager who is a girl. It would annoy me because cooking is my love language. But I agree with everyone else that it's actually a good sign, so I'd bite my tongue and maybe start putting some of that love into breakfast treats or packing lunch.

I hope you’re just being lighthearted here. Cooking was the way my mom showed love and that led to a lifetime of emotional eating.

That is your problem, not your mothers.

NP and cooking is also my live language with family. It’s a beautiful gift and, as DH says, will keep them wanting to come home to visit for many years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My oldest is now at the age where her friends have cars and they can get around the local area and will get Boba or fries or sometimes a whole meal after school. She has her own money from babysitting, she does all her homework and gets good grades, etc.

The one thing that gets on my nerves is when she comes home and we all sit down for dinner, she picks at it because she filled up on the other stuff. She doesn’t complain, she still sits with us and talks, she just eats a little bit (it’s not an eating disorder, she eats just fine most of the time).

I spend a lot of time cooking homemade food for the family, try to keep it healthy, but they all like what I make. I feel like she need more whole food and less sugar at this crucial time of growth and brain development. We are not a no sugar family at all, but boba and sugary drinks a lot isn’t great.

On the other hand. I’m also happy she has friends and a social life, because she’s happiest when she has solid friends.

Anyone else feel this way? How do you handle it?

Cooking shouldn't take much time. 30min to hour max per day. Learn how to streamline it.
Also, don't forget fats. That's what makes a meal tasty and healthy.
Could be she is tired of your cooking, and needs some variety?
Sure you already thought of all this though, so really guess you just want to hear "it's normal". It is.

Op here—appreciate the reality check! Yes we do have plenty of healthy fats—she loves avocados and we cook foods in olive oil, we use coconut milk. Sometimes we eat meat meals sometimes eat vegetarian meals, it really is a good variety and I swear they do like my cooking 🤣 and they are both helping cook when they aren’t busy. I get home from work around 5 and we eat around 6, meals really do take about 30 minutes, I do a lot of sheet pan dinners. But doing it after being tired from work it does feel like it is a lot more sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My oldest is now at the age where her friends have cars and they can get around the local area and will get Boba or fries or sometimes a whole meal after school. She has her own money from babysitting, she does all her homework and gets good grades, etc.

The one thing that gets on my nerves is when she comes home and we all sit down for dinner, she picks at it because she filled up on the other stuff. She doesn’t complain, she still sits with us and talks, she just eats a little bit (it’s not an eating disorder, she eats just fine most of the time).

I spend a lot of time cooking homemade food for the family, try to keep it healthy, but they all like what I make. I feel like she need more whole food and less sugar at this crucial time of growth and brain development. We are not a no sugar family at all, but boba and sugary drinks a lot isn’t great.

On the other hand. I’m also happy she has friends and a social life, because she’s happiest when she has solid friends.

Anyone else feel this way? How do you handle it?

I stop trying to control and accept that she is her own person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not have this problem, because my teenagers are boys who can eat a giant Chipotle burrito as a "snack" at 5:30 after practice, and still hoover up enough dinner to serve a platoon of marines at 6:15. I'd be delighted if they left a smaller dent in my food budget!

But I can foresee this coming with my next teenager who is a girl. It would annoy me because cooking is my love language. But I agree with everyone else that it's actually a good sign, so I'd bite my tongue and maybe start putting some of that love into breakfast treats or packing lunch.

I hope you’re just being lighthearted here. Cooking was the way my mom showed love and that led to a lifetime of emotional eating.

Nope, I mean it. One of the ways I show love to my family is in taking care to prepare healthy delicious meals. I enjoy cooking for people. I enjoy cooking with people. I enjoy seeing people appreciate my food. I enjoy the problem solving of figuring out how to appeal to a picky eater, or to accommodate someone with food preferences. It's a hobby.

I don't pressure my kids to eat, or control what they eat. Having meal time be pleasant and unstressed is really important to me. If I had OP's problem (as I said, I don't, I have the opposite problem of teenage boys eating us out of house and home), I would probably redirect that desire to make delicious dinners into delicious foods for other times, whether it was muffins for breakfast, or packing her lunch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not have this problem, because my teenagers are boys who can eat a giant Chipotle burrito as a "snack" at 5:30 after practice, and still hoover up enough dinner to serve a platoon of marines at 6:15. I'd be delighted if they left a smaller dent in my food budget!

But I can foresee this coming with my next teenager who is a girl. It would annoy me because cooking is my love language. But I agree with everyone else that it's actually a good sign, so I'd bite my tongue and maybe start putting some of that love into breakfast treats or packing lunch.

I hope you’re just being lighthearted here. Cooking was the way my mom showed love and that led to a lifetime of emotional eating.

That is your problem, not your mothers.

NP and cooking is also my live language with family. It’s a beautiful gift and, as DH says, will keep them wanting to come home to visit for many years.

Take care not to manipulate with that 'love language'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My oldest is now at the age where her friends have cars and they can get around the local area and will get Boba or fries or sometimes a whole meal after school. She has her own money from babysitting, she does all her homework and gets good grades, etc.

The one thing that gets on my nerves is when she comes home and we all sit down for dinner, she picks at it because she filled up on the other stuff. She doesn’t complain, she still sits with us and talks, she just eats a little bit (it’s not an eating disorder, she eats just fine most of the time).

I spend a lot of time cooking homemade food for the family, try to keep it healthy, but they all like what I make. I feel like she need more whole food and less sugar at this crucial time of growth and brain development. We are not a no sugar family at all, but boba and sugary drinks a lot isn’t great.

On the other hand. I’m also happy she has friends and a social life, because she’s happiest when she has solid friends.

Anyone else feel this way? How do you handle it?

You tell it to her straight. That she should save room for dinner and start eating healthier

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is developmentally appropriate! Your chick is fledging and learning to feed herself.

But she's well-socialized enough to still sit with the family, make conversation, etc, even though she doesn't need the food.

Take the win!

Thank you!! This comment (and the others) are making me feel a little teary in a good way

I am glad you got some good advice on this thread and are taking it to heart. I love that she is still sitting with you and talking. My own kid is similar but a boy so he’ll just crush two dinners. 😆

[Anonymous]

I have a 13 yo now. Not our problem yet. A couple of years ago I was talking with a friend whose youngest is a year older than my oldest. (So he’s 14 now).

She has two older.

She said one big difference is you go from single cooking
To cooking for two
Still cooking for two when they’re babies and toddlers (add a tiny extra quantity or side dish etc)
Later cooking for a family (this is where your mind is at now). They finally eat!
Then… teen years. You could be cooking for 2 again OR you could be cooking for 12. “What are friends doing today?” “Oh you’re all coming over here? Pizza and I’ll make a big batch of cookies.” OR “You’re going to Larla’s? Ok, just me and dad again. Oh he’s going out with a buddy today. Just me!”

So, despite having made it to years of family cooking, you will be asked last minute not to make anything OR to entertain 8 friends.

So now with my 13, I’m not there either, but don’t hold it against your kid. Social life calls!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 13 yo now. Not our problem yet. A couple of years ago I was talking with a friend whose youngest is a year older than my oldest. (So he’s 14 now).

She has two older.

She said one big difference is you go from single cooking
To cooking for two
Still cooking for two when they’re babies and toddlers (add a tiny extra quantity or side dish etc)
Later cooking for a family (this is where your mind is at now). They finally eat!
Then… teen years. You could be cooking for 2 again OR you could be cooking for 12. “What are friends doing today?” “Oh you’re all coming over here? Pizza and I’ll make a big batch of cookies.” OR “You’re going to Larla’s? Ok, just me and dad again. Oh he’s going out with a buddy today. Just me!”

So, despite having made it to years of family cooking, you will be asked last minute not to make anything OR to entertain 8 friends.

So now with my 13, I’m not there either, but don’t hold it against your kid. Social life calls!

Oh and her solution. Trade in family meals for easier to heat up things.

Breakfast for dinner always at the ready.
Little slider deli sandwiches that work for lunches too.
Microwavable sides and veggies (or air fryer)
If you have time to plan, grilled burgers or chicken.
If you a make a meal like chili/tacos/fixings, you’re going to find someone to eat it eventually. But it also may partially go to waste.

[Anonymous]

Accept it. If you ban it she will do it anyway and then eat at home to hide it and gain weight as a result. BTDT with myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d feel angry, and set rules. Permission must be granted for snacks and meals between meals.

You’d tell a 16-17yo they need permission to have a snack, REALLY?