Teens eating with friends then not hungry for meals at home

[Anonymous]

My oldest is now at the age where her friends have cars and they can get around the local area and will get Boba or fries or sometimes a whole meal after school. She has her own money from babysitting, she does all her homework and gets good grades, etc.

The one thing that gets on my nerves is when she comes home and we all sit down for dinner, she picks at it because she filled up on the other stuff. She doesn’t complain, she still sits with us and talks, she just eats a little bit (it’s not an eating disorder, she eats just fine most of the time).

I spend a lot of time cooking homemade food for the family, try to keep it healthy, but they all like what I make. I feel like she need more whole food and less sugar at this crucial time of growth and brain development. We are not a no sugar family at all, but boba and sugary drinks a lot isn’t great.

On the other hand. I’m also happy she has friends and a social life, because she’s happiest when she has solid friends.

Anyone else feel this way? How do you handle it?

[Anonymous]

You suck it up and deal with it. It is totally normal. You can ask her for a heads up on the days she does this if it affects the quantity of food you are making, but otherwise, let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You suck it up and deal with it. It is totally normal. You can ask her for a heads up on the days she does this if it affects the quantity of food you are making, but otherwise, let it go.

+1. Happens with my DD relatively regularly. Try to focus on what you noted about being happy she has a good social life and solid friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You suck it up and deal with it. It is totally normal. You can ask her for a heads up on the days she does this if it affects the quantity of food you are making, but otherwise, let it go.

+1. Happens with my DD relatively regularly. Try to focus on what you noted about being happy she has a good social life and solid friends.

Thanks, that’s what we have been doing. I needed a reality check! I truly am happy that she has solid friends, she had a rough couple of years with friend betrayals and a lot of tears, so it’s been a breath of fresh air I will focus on the positive!

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't stress but would mention to her to be mindful of eating too much sugar before meals and to give you a heads up so you can adjust cooking as needed. But I wouldn't push or get upset.

[Anonymous]

My teens are the same, and I totally understand where you are coming from, I just suck it up and deal. I’m glad they have friends and are enjoying themselves.

Also they usually get hungry again later and end up heating up the leftovers.

[Anonymous]

It is frustrating- but happens often in my home too.

[Anonymous]

This is developmentally appropriate! Your chick is fledging and learning to feed herself.

But she's well-socialized enough to still sit with the family, make conversation, etc, even though she doesn't need the food.

Take the win!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is developmentally appropriate! Your chick is fledging and learning to feed herself.

But she's well-socialized enough to still sit with the family, make conversation, etc, even though she doesn't need the food.

Take the win!

Thank you!! This comment (and the others) are making me feel a little teary in a good way

[Anonymous]

Funny to read this because I just heard that DD grabbed dinner after school with a friend. She’s been doing it a lot lately too. I just make her eat a vegetable and a fruit at dinner and call it a night. Doesn’t have to be a big deal and eventually she’ll need to decide how to spend her money. She never has much and will need to choose whether to buy this junky food or save up for clothes/shoes/concert tickets etc.

[Anonymous]

She just came home and I ask if she had eaten and she said yes and said sorry, I said “no need to apologize, it’s totally okay, just give me a heads up in the future so I can make your least favorite meals on these days” and we both laughed 😁

[Anonymous]

Same here but I don’t mind. I am glad she’s having fun with her friends and makes me reminisce about my high fun with friends. Great times.

[Anonymous]

If her friends have cars, that means that in a year or two, your daughter might be away at college rather than under your roof. I love the PP’s fledgling analogy.Your daughter is developing independence and social skills — while she’s still fortunate enough to have a caring safety net. It sounds like she’s developmentally right where she needs to be — and so are you, as you adjust to the changes that come with parenting a young adult.

I’m applauding her willingness to sit down with you all for dinner, despite not being hungry. That speaks well of all of you!
The only thing I’d do in your place is make sure that it’s clear where the leftovers are, and maybe stock up on healthy snacks — so she can easily grab some real food if she gets hungry later.

[Anonymous]

It’s nice that she’s still home for dinner and socializing with you, even if she’s not eating. This sounds like you have the best of both worlds and it’s developmentally appropriate. All of us would like to micromanage what our teens eat but we can’t and shouldn’t. It’s part of them growing up.

I ask mine to be mindful of the money they are spending. All of that eating out gets expensive.

[Anonymous]

I do not have this problem, because my teenagers are boys who can eat a giant Chipotle burrito as a "snack" at 5:30 after practice, and still hoover up enough dinner to serve a platoon of marines at 6:15. I'd be delighted if they left a smaller dent in my food budget!

But I can foresee this coming with my next teenager who is a girl. It would annoy me because cooking is my love language. But I agree with everyone else that it's actually a good sign, so I'd bite my tongue and maybe start putting some of that love into breakfast treats or packing lunch.