The roommate finding process is a drag

[Anonymous]

My daughter DMd on line with multiple people, met her eventual roommate for lunch and it STILL took her another few weeks to actually formally ask. It's like being on The Bachelor!

My current son posted some pics on the IG site, got a DM from a guy, they DM back and forth for about 5 minutes and they are roommates.

It will all work out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has your daughter already attended admitted students day? Mine found hers there - kept in touch with she met during one of the student socials before either had committed to the school and once they both did, they decided to be roommates. They visited once over the summer before school started to get to know each other a little better and it worked really well for them. I know luck played a huge part in that, but wanted to suggest your daughter attend any in-person social opportunities for incoming students if the time has not already passed.

She did attend, but we were in a group of almost all boys. :p

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Roommates should be randomly assigned

Agree so much.

+1

Sucks for the kids to arrive on campus having already been ghosted by a handful of classmates. Also, I can imagine allowing kids to self select means a greater tendency towards segregated friend groups.

Yeah. It's hard not to have some negative feelings about the ghosting. It's not diffigulat to write back and just say Hi. A lot of people don't even open the messages. I haven't confirmed it, but I think there is also a feeling that going random has a negative connotation among some people b/c it suggests you couldn't find someone, that you weren't wanted. I hate that. It was much better when the schools just assigned the roommates.

[Anonymous]

Just tell her to go random and land the helicopter already.

[Anonymous]

Totally agree, my first kid’s school required random so it was easy and familiar to me. Second kid going through the Instagram speed dating process to match up with someone and it seems like he’s figured it out but I don’t really know for sure.

[Anonymous]

My dd is going random, but everyone has their own bedroom and bathroom so worst case scenario is she spends more time in her room.

[Anonymous]

A space does not have to be cohesive. They can pick a rug together but other than that…who cares? My daughter got her bedding, roommate got hers.

I do emphasize with the stress of this process for some girls. Absolutely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A space does not have to be cohesive. They can pick a rug together but other than that…who cares? My daughter got her bedding, roommate got hers.

I do emphasize with the stress of this process for some girls. Absolutely.

A lot of girls care

[Anonymous]

I think as a parent we can help adjust the kids expectations.

1. They are not necessarily being ghosted in the same sense that a friend or boyfriend ghosts you. She doesn't know these kids. They don't know her. They may not see the message or may already have a roommate or be talking to someone. Try to downplay the "Ghosting" aspect.
2. Roommate activity seems to get busiest about a week before the deadline for those names to be turned in, or whatever. Kids didn't even finally pick schools til May 1!
3. This one is important. People need to get over the glorified image of freshman year in college. You will not necessarily meet your maid of honor or your kid's godmother as your freshman year roommate. People think of this as instant friends. Sometimes, maybe. But what you are looking for is a considerate person to share a room with first and foremost.

I can go on and on with stories of roommates matched who spent al summer and a fortune picking out the perfect room and hated each other within 2 months. One even had to change rooms (it rose to a level even the school could not tolerate and that's saying a lot). She eventually got a random assigned roommate and guess what - they were considerate and kind and there were no "elephants in the room" of having to feel this pressure of being BFFs. Be careful what you wish for.

That's my two cents.

Find someone who you share the following thing with: Neat/messy, guests over/not over, tolerance to lights on at night.

That's really all you need, and coincidentally, what the algorithms at the school usually do a really good job with when people are matched randomly.

[Anonymous]

Is this for freshman year?

[Anonymous]

My DD is going random, as did my son. It was not even a thought. Should she be doing the IM thing? She didn’t even consider it but she’s quite shy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this for freshman year?

Yes. The frenzy in April and May is insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this for freshman year?

Yes. A lot of schools moved to telling kids to find a roommate on social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD is going random, as did my son. It was not even a thought. Should she be doing the IM thing? She didn’t even consider it but she’s quite shy.

I think that's a difference. Some kids are totally fine with random, but others aren't once it becomes an option to go find someone on your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think as a parent we can help adjust the kids expectations.

1. They are not necessarily being ghosted in the same sense that a friend or boyfriend ghosts you. She doesn't know these kids. They don't know her. They may not see the message or may already have a roommate or be talking to someone. Try to downplay the "Ghosting" aspect.
2. Roommate activity seems to get busiest about a week before the deadline for those names to be turned in, or whatever. Kids didn't even finally pick schools til May 1!
3. This one is important. People need to get over the glorified image of freshman year in college. You will not necessarily meet your maid of honor or your kid's godmother as your freshman year roommate. People think of this as instant friends. Sometimes, maybe. But what you are looking for is a considerate person to share a room with first and foremost.

I can go on and on with stories of roommates matched who spent al summer and a fortune picking out the perfect room and hated each other within 2 months. One even had to change rooms (it rose to a level even the school could not tolerate and that's saying a lot). She eventually got a random assigned roommate and guess what - they were considerate and kind and there were no "elephants in the room" of having to feel this pressure of being BFFs. Be careful what you wish for.

That's my two cents.

Find someone who you share the following thing with: Neat/messy, guests over/not over, tolerance to lights on at night.

That's really all you need, and coincidentally, what the algorithms at the school usually do a really good job with when people are matched randomly.

This is the best advice I've seen on this. Thank you