Breaking up before prom/grad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your teen's bf/gf is planning to break up with your teen, would you want them to do it right before prom and grad or after? There is not problems, they're not fighting, etc. Both are nice kids. But one has outgrown the relationship and they will be apart in the fall for college. In terms of "don't make one pay for prom and then dump them crowd", which I'm expecting, the kids are both contributing to prom expenses.

Instead of having any harm feeling towards each other and to avoid social drama, both are better off ending it in a positive and practical after school ends to start fresh in college. Any expenses of prom should be split equally.

[Anonymous]

After.

[Anonymous]

Op. So the SO in question is really putting on pressure and demanding more time together and more texting from my DC (texting is something they don’t do a lot of and they aren’t busy on social either. This has always been the case). My DC is losing patience with these demands as they are busy with their sport, finals, AP exams, grad coming up, orientation, summer job stuff. The SO also used the L word, which my DC does not reciprocate.

I still think DC should suck it up. The SO is a nice person and has been kind to DC. And DC will look like a jerk for dumping before prom.

Thoughts?

And any tips for how they. And see each other in low pressure environments between now and then (again to be kind).

[Anonymous]

The calls and pressure. I feel for your, assuming, DS. Also for the SO. Broken heart coming. Hopefully college is kind to each.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op. So the SO in question is really putting on pressure and demanding more time together and more texting from my DC (texting is something they don’t do a lot of and they aren’t busy on social either. This has always been the case). My DC is losing patience with these demands as they are busy with their sport, finals, AP exams, grad coming up, orientation, summer job stuff. The SO also used the L word, which my DC does not reciprocate.

I still think DC should suck it up. The SO is a nice person and has been kind to DC. And DC will look like a jerk for dumping before prom.

Thoughts?

And any tips for how they. And see each other in low pressure environments between now and then (again to be kind).

Yes, even in this case by far better to wait til after. He should explicitly tell her he’s so busy and doesn’t have time to hang out or text much, maybe even a white lie that his parents are getting on his case about studying more or spending time w family. In terms of low pressure/less romantic occasions maybe daytime stuff, group activities, meet up at school sporting event?

[Anonymous]

I would never want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me. So as soon as you know you don’t want to be in a relationship I think you should end it. Dragging it out for weeks for prom/graduation doesn’t make sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op. So the SO in question is really putting on pressure and demanding more time together and more texting from my DC (texting is something they don’t do a lot of and they aren’t busy on social either. This has always been the case). My DC is losing patience with these demands as they are busy with their sport, finals, AP exams, grad coming up, orientation, summer job stuff. The SO also used the L word, which my DC does not reciprocate.

I still think DC should suck it up. The SO is a nice person and has been kind to DC. And DC will look like a jerk for dumping before prom.

Thoughts?

And any tips for how they. And see each other in low pressure environments between now and then (again to be kind).

Your DC doesn’t need to cave to pressure to jump through hoops to please SO. He (she?) should just keep being himself (herself?). If DC wouldn’t be upset about a breakup, the ball is in SO’s court. SO can accept the relationship they currently have or breakup. Your DC isn’t the one whose needs aren’t being met, so it’s not on DC to change anything. DC should be honest that he (she?) can’t give SO what SO wants.

[Anonymous]

I knew your son was the a**hole.

[Anonymous]

How long have they been together? When is prom?

I agree that they should stay together until graduation and then break it off before the summer. As for texting, have your kid use Do Not Disturb mode for much of the next month and say its due to studying for finals and wrapping up the sports season.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me. So as soon as you know you don’t want to be in a relationship I think you should end it. Dragging it out for weeks for prom/graduation doesn’t make sense.

This is my take.
However, if prom is only 1-2 weeks away, it’s a lot to change plans. If he asked her, then he asked her. You would rarely change up an ask.

My other exception to this idea of sticking with the date, is .. if you know the girl has a big, solid group of friends. Then she may be fine to break up with.

[Anonymous]

Assuming prom is really soon so I would say after prom. Then maybe have the conversation — look, I’m sorry, but I’m just really busy right now and I feel like I’m giving as much as I can. I’m sorry if that’s not enough for you, but that’s where I am. Then she can dump him if she wants, or they can both kick the can until after graduation. But it’s okay to draw boundaries and just say “sorry I was busy”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The calls and pressure. I feel for your, assuming, DS. Also for the SO. Broken heart coming. Hopefully college is kind to each.

My heart hurts for both too. Both are nice kids. Just not right for each other in my DCs opinion. Wish it could end wo hurt feelings but alas. . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I knew your son was the a**hole.

Since this appears to be a difference maker to some of you, and I dont understand why, my kid is the girl.

[Anonymous]

After prom, before graduation.

Prom would be miserable if you had just gone through a breakup. Graduation, the kids will be distracted by the ceremony, the parties, etc. It's an obligation, not a rite of passage that has romance tied to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op. So the SO in question is really putting on pressure and demanding more time together and more texting from my DC (texting is something they don’t do a lot of and they aren’t busy on social either. This has always been the case). My DC is losing patience with these demands as they are busy with their sport, finals, AP exams, grad coming up, orientation, summer job stuff. The SO also used the L word, which my DC does not reciprocate.

I still think DC should suck it up. The SO is a nice person and has been kind to DC. And DC will look like a jerk for dumping before prom.

Thoughts?

And any tips for how they. And see each other in low pressure environments between now and then (again to be kind).

No they don't continue to see each other.

Your child wants this to end it should end. Your child should not "suck it up" that is ridiculous and disingenuous.

Now your child is going to have a miserable prom.

If they do not do this before prom they need to do it the next day. Being in a relationship means being a grown up in this case and there is zero reason to keep leading the girl on for her "feelings".