How much of a mistake is it to not let a 13 year old dye her hair?

[Anonymous]

Is this your hill?

Personally, I would let her. My mom never let me dye my hair (“it’s pointless and a waste of money!”) nor get a second piercing in my ear (“it’s trashy”). Straight A, nerdy band kid.

Guess what I did on my 18th birthday? Hair dye and 2 extra earring holes wasn’t a gateway to hookers & blow for me but it’s a needless friction that I remember, vividly, to this day. I feel like values can coexist with pink hair

[Anonymous]

I've always seen hair dying as the one "rebellious" thing a person can do that is NOT permanent. It will eventually grow out. You can't say the same for tattoos or piercings.

That said, how much does your kid swim? My swimmers' hair is a mess from all of the chlorine. They use clarifying shampoo and swimmers' conditioners, but chlorine plus summer sun and bleached/dyed har would be an epic disaster.

Would dying it now affect her ability to dye it before divisionals this summer? (That's what would get my boys!)

[Anonymous]

Ask her if she wants to damage her hair and cause it to thin and be like steel wool.

Show her a pic of the Crypt Keeper. Coloring hair unnatural colors and bleaching it, etc. will destroy nice hair it took years to grow if it's long.

[Anonymous]

My 13yo now said Thank You to me recently for not letting her dye her hair in ES.
Maybe it’s a different story bc yours is now 13. But it doesn’t hurt to give her a lot more time to think about it.
Like “yes, but put it on the calendar for 15 months from now and see if you still want it.”

[Anonymous]

I was not willing to sign up for something that needs to be maintained so I let my kid die the ends of their hair, at a length we were comfortable cutting it if there was too much damage or when he was ready to transition back.

[Anonymous]

I’d be fine with it while young. Time for fun with hair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 13yo now said Thank You to me recently for not letting her dye her hair in ES.
Maybe it’s a different story bc yours is now 13. But it doesn’t hurt to give her a lot more time to think about it.
Like “yes, but put it on the calendar for 15 months from now and see if you still want it.”

You can dye it back.

[Anonymous]

Get a wig or two of different colors.

Simple solution.

[Anonymous]

I used to let my 10 year old color her hair with Clenditioner. It washes out in about 7 washes. She did her ends pink. She is over it now.

[Anonymous]

So the “if I say no to this, she’ll just rebel and do worse” is going to be the guide? I strongly get hills not to die on, but you are allowed to say something like not until you’re older (be it 16, 18…).

[Anonymous]

I let my 12/13 year old (black hair) dye it with purple streaks. Of course it needed to be bleached first. First time I paid for it at the salon after a successful 6th grade report card. After the purple wore off, the streaks remained and she wanted to dye those blue. I helped her with a store-bought box, maybe $10. After that I warned her that she'd be paying for the store-bought dye if she wanted to do it again. I think she used birthday money one more time and the novelty wore off, along with the color. The streaks grew out over a couple of years and weren't that noticeable.

Hopefully she will remember that I was flexible and fun, at least for this instance. In all other ways I'm a conservative parent and hold a hard line on things that we value as a family. Hair color was an easy win, as were a second set of holes in her ears at 15.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know that she'll rebel, but it also seems like a dumb rule to enforce. It's hair. It grows out. The consequences of letting her do it are essentially nothing.

Well, yes it does grow out. But it takes years. Dying hair bright pink means bleaching it first. She already has porous curly hair and is in chlorine. It will trash her hair. If she wants to back to a natural looking color it has to be stripped and dyed again- which again is harsh on hair and needs regular toning or it will fade and get brassy. Even semi permanent pink hair dye, while not as harsh, sometimes doesn’t completely wash out. If you have shoulder length or longer hair, it will take 3+ yrs it grow back out your natural hair color. Assuming you just stop all together and don’t get caught in the dye and tone cycle

[Anonymous]

I’m not saying she will do worse later, but hair dye at 13 is not a big deal. My brother wanted long hair like the 80s hair bands as a kid. My parents would not allow it. He’s now 50 and hasn’t cut his hair since he turned 18. I vote to let her get it out of her system.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you, I wouldn’t let my kid do that. There needs to be a conversation about why do you feel the need to do this, then find a more appropriate way to express themselves. Honestly, if they start dyeing now their hair will be toast by 18 and they will regret it…” mom, why’d you let me do that!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you, I wouldn’t let my kid do that. There needs to be a conversation about why do you feel the need to do this, then find a more appropriate way to express themselves. Honestly, if they start dyeing now their hair will be toast by 18 and they will regret it…” mom, why’d you let me do that!”

+1. I started perming my hair in 10th grade, this was the 80s with big hair, and my hair was straw at certain point.

And guess who I took it out on?