How much of a mistake is it to not let a 13 year old dye her hair?

[Anonymous]

I was raised conservatively and no way on earth would I have been allowed to dye my hair. My inclination is to not let my kid do it, but other parents are warning me that if I hold the line in this my DD will rebel in much worse ways. Really? DD is turning 13 soon and asking for bright pink hair for her birthday.

Should I relent and, if so, is there a less toxic way to do this? Potentially relevant: she's a swimmer so her curly hair is already a little fried from chlorine and swim caps. She wants multiple ear piercings as well but doesn't want to lose it on pool time, so that request is on hold for the moment.

[Anonymous]

I would point out that if she has dark hair she'll first have to bleach it to get the hot pink to look ... hot pink. I would not allow that.

If she has blonde hair I'd let her do it once over the summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would point out that if she has dark hair she'll first have to bleach it to get the hot pink to look ... hot pink. I would not allow that.

If she has blonde hair I'd let her do it once over the summer.

Good point. It's light brown, what some might call dirty blonde when it gets lighter in summer.

[Anonymous]

There’s a semi-permanent line by L’Oréal called “Colorista.”

https://www.lorealparisusa.com/hair-color/semi-permanent/colorista-semi-permanent-hair-color

[Anonymous]

Semi permanent and over the summer.

[Anonymous]

It's how funny how there are so many "conservative" families in the world and yet the immense majority of their kids don't rebel when faced with loving boundaries, enough one-on-one parental attention, etc.

No piercings, no tattoos, no hair dye, for kids in my family. Somehow, I still get along great with my 14 and 20 year old kids.

[Anonymous]

^ the 20 year old can do those things if they want and pay for it. But now they don't want.

[Anonymous]

I don't know that she'll rebel, but it also seems like a dumb rule to enforce. It's hair. It grows out. The consequences of letting her do it are essentially nothing.

[Anonymous]

I would say no.

[Anonymous]

Hair dye is such an innocent way to express once. As long as one makes sure it's all healthy, I'd let her. I never wanted to FWIW. But maybe my girls will want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was raised conservatively and no way on earth would I have been allowed to dye my hair. My inclination is to not let my kid do it, but other parents are warning me that if I hold the line in this my DD will rebel in much worse ways. Really? DD is turning 13 soon and asking for bright pink hair for her birthday.

Should I relent and, if so, is there a less toxic way to do this? Potentially relevant: she's a swimmer so her curly hair is already a little fried from chlorine and swim caps. She wants multiple ear piercings as well but doesn't want to lose it on pool time, so that request is on hold for the moment.

Not a fight you want to pick, let them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hair dye is such an innocent way to express once. As long as one makes sure it's all healthy, I'd let her. I never wanted to FWIW. But maybe my girls will want to.

This! I let my dd dye her hair because it’s fixable. She uses arctic Fox brand. I would much rather her do this than get a tattoo, but by the time she’s 18 I really won’t have a say.

What are you most worried about, op?

[Anonymous]

I personally try not to compare what I would’ve done as a kid versus what my kid would’ve done as a kid. We are totally separate people and that was 1 million years ago. (Well 35 years).

I also look at hair dye as something temporary, and it’s their head so I don’t really care if they wanna mess with it. Now, if it was a face tattoo or something like that, that’s more permanent, I would absolutely have more to say.

It’s good for them to learn now about how people will judge them with different clothing and hair, while the stakes are low

[Anonymous]

I don’t really understand why you wouldn’t— because your mom wouldn’t let you dye your hair?

She’s growing up and it’s a harmless way to express who she is (unless you really don’t think it’s harmless, which is a different issue)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know that she'll rebel, but it also seems like a dumb rule to enforce. It's hair. It grows out. The consequences of letting her do it are essentially nothing.

This.

My 19yo daughter has gorgeous blonde hair, she dyed the bottom 6" or so hot pink for her 10th birthday. I thought it was cute and fun. She's never touched it again.

I am a "pick my battles" parent, and this isn't one of them.

Piercing is also not one of my battles, thinking that making it no big deal would fend off excess. Spoiler alert... didn't work