5th grade group chat

[Anonymous]

I'd have already pulled him and given him a BIG talk about "No, not EVERYONE is a bully" and how he can be an advocate, how to de-escalate, and how much trouble he'd be in if I EVER find out he is bullying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure it's bullying and not roasting where it's fun and the children are in on the joke?

Is there a difference?

I'm a parent of a 5th grader and right away wondered the same thing -- especially since your son said everyone was doing it. Bullying and roasting between friends are of course not the same thing! I think the friends roasting each other is so weird, but I'm a middle age woman, not an 11 year old boy. It's super common amongst 5th grade boys when friends get together (in person, not just in a chat). And yes, they actually call it "roasting". Maybe this group chat is your first exposure to it? It is jarring.

No kid needs to be on a big group chat, though, so remove him if you want. They are always dumb and vapid. Tell him he can make a smaller text group with his closer friends.

Obviously if actual bullying is occurring then that is different...

[Anonymous]

I would totally pull your kid. There were a lot of issues with my kid's grade and this stuff in fifth grade. A few kids got into a lot of trouble, and even the ones who did not participate had their computers wiped (they were using school computers). I just don't think they are old enough to handle it. FTR my kids stayed out of those chats in elementary school and have plenty of friends. Sometimes they sort of wondered what they were missing, but that's it.

My oldest is now in a group chat (in 8th). It's been friendly so far, though I still keep an eye on her messages.

[Anonymous]

If there is an android iPhone mix in the group chat you cannot “leave it” the best you can do is mute it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure it's bullying and not roasting where it's fun and the children are in on the joke?

Is there a difference?

I'm a parent of a 5th grader and right away wondered the same thing -- especially since your son said everyone was doing it. Bullying and roasting between friends are of course not the same thing! I think the friends roasting each other is so weird, but I'm a middle age woman, not an 11 year old boy. It's super common amongst 5th grade boys when friends get together (in person, not just in a chat). And yes, they actually call it "roasting". Maybe this group chat is your first exposure to it? It is jarring.

No kid needs to be on a big group chat, though, so remove him if you want. They are always dumb and vapid. Tell him he can make a smaller text group with his closer friends.

Obviously if actual bullying is occurring then that is different...

I understand, from looking at the messsages it does look like its "roasting" the problem is the school will see it the same way we do.

[Anonymous]

Some kids in my 5th grader’s class are on a group text chat. Nothing good is going to come of it and I honestly think less of the parents who allow it. They’re either not very bright or overly invested in their kid’s popularity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure it's bullying and not roasting where it's fun and the children are in on the joke?

Is there a difference?

I'm a parent of a 5th grader and right away wondered the same thing -- especially since your son said everyone was doing it. Bullying and roasting between friends are of course not the same thing! I think the friends roasting each other is so weird, but I'm a middle age woman, not an 11 year old boy. It's super common amongst 5th grade boys when friends get together (in person, not just in a chat). And yes, they actually call it "roasting". Maybe this group chat is your first exposure to it? It is jarring.

No kid needs to be on a big group chat, though, so remove him if you want. They are always dumb and vapid. Tell him he can make a smaller text group with his closer friends.

Obviously if actual bullying is occurring then that is different...

I understand, from looking at the messsages it does look like its "roasting" the problem is the school will see it the same way we do.

I can assure you that the folks at the school are 100% familiar with 5th grade roasting, heh! Is this even a school-sponsored group chat? Or did one kid just create it on his ipad or phone and add a bunch of kids' apple ids/phone numbers?

I think these big group chats are simply a waste of time. My DD is allowed to be on the one for her class, which she glances at occasionally, but does not post in. I had her leave the bigger 5th grade one because it was just so dumb -- stupid roasting, kids posting the most inane youtube clips, etc. Like just utterly stupid. She has a group chat with her three close friends and a chat with sleepaway camp friends. I'm fine with those. When I was in 5th grade I talked to my friends on the phone a lot.

[Anonymous]

Here's the main question I would have re: roasting vs bullying. Are they talking about anyone NOT on the chat? That would be a hard no, 'no more group chat for you' situation.

I don't love roasting digitally either because you don't know how it's received/if you've gone too far / how your tone comes across.

[Anonymous]

My 5th graders school just had to send an email to the entire 5th grade’s parents because of a 5th grade group chat that got out of control with bullying. Your kid looks bad if they’re in a chat like that that comes across the teacher or principal and frankly, so do you. Kids do not need to be in group chats at this age, it’s ridiculous and age inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't let my kid on in the first place (and haven't!), but hell yes I would remove.

Same here.

[Anonymous]

I’m trying to come up with a single reason for letting a kid group chat who isn’t even a teen and I’m coming up with absolutely nothing. I can’t believe how bad parenting is these days. I really pity the kids. And teachers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m trying to come up with a single reason for letting a kid group chat who isn’t even a teen and I’m coming up with absolutely nothing. I can’t believe how bad parenting is these days. I really pity the kids. And teachers.

I’m a millennial mom and teacher and it really disappoints me how generally not great at parenting my generation is. Permissive, lack boundaries with their kids, refuse to let their kids struggle or learn or self advocate, hand them tech WAY too early and then go hands off like it isn’t massively impacting their development. I will talk to parents MY AGE who are like “I just can’t make my son go to school…” SINCE WHEN?? Then I see the nonsense my own kids have to deal with at their schools because of lax parenting. It’s crazy.

[Anonymous]

5th grade teacher here who will spend today dealing with the fallout from a group text chat. Multiple sets of irate parents who somehow want school to fix issues that came from their children’s unmonitored interactions outside of school hours.

Please please please don’t allow your child to be part of this. Nothing good comes of 10- and 11-year-olds in a group chat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:5th grade teacher here who will spend today dealing with the fallout from a group text chat. Multiple sets of irate parents who somehow want school to fix issues that came from their children’s unmonitored interactions outside of school hours.

Please please please don’t allow your child to be part of this. Nothing good comes of 10- and 11-year-olds in a group chat.

That’s the part that galls me. PARENTS drop the ball on actively parenting their kids in responsible ways and then look at us like “what will the school do about this??” Girl I cannot out-parent you. I can’t even begin to address what you won’t control.

[Anonymous]

5th graders shouldn't have phones.