Steering child to a high-paying career?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have talked about it but it's difficult because neither are drawn toward money-making careers. They also see how some of these careers are incredibly stressful and can have poor quality of life.

This!

Being poor and underpaid is also incredibly stressful and definitely results in poor quality of life.

There is a middle ground.

I have seen a lot during my career. Some died of heart attack in a client meeting. Other overdosed while divorced.

Fair enough.

Believe it or not, there are surgeons, lawyers, inventors, bankers, and business owners who love their jobs, are healthy (I myself compete in triathlons), and are well compensated.

[Anonymous]

Every kid ultimately has to go through the process of (1) determining their interests relative to (2) their strengths; and then (3) research potential career fields related to 1 and 2 and (4) weigh financial prospects for the future. Some will be satisfied as long as they earn a lot of money. Others will find earning a lot of money isn't enough for them and they need to pursue something more from their heart. Still others will be the lucky ones where their talents and passions correlate with high pay.

I'm surprised if your kid's school never addressed potential career interests and prospects with its students. Ours seemed to be urging kids to pick a lane beginning in middle school. Regardless, your child should consult their current counselors and also make extensive use of their college's advisors and career center resources - from day one. They can help identify and guide students, including unique or less common ideas that they may otherwise not have come up with themselves.

Finally, as parents, the best thing we can do is facilitate their soul-searching, goal-setting, and visions for their future; make sure they weigh the pros and cons; and let them follow their own heart and intuition. Maybe they'd even be fine to pursue a lucrative career they aren't really excited about for "x" years, save up some resources, enabling them to then pursue a lower-paying passion.

[Anonymous]

I think that as long as you aren't forcing them into a career they have no interest in, it's completely ok, and I would even argue necessary, for you to impart that knowledge onto them. As someone with 30 years of work experience, I am happy to share what I know about various career options and would be more than happy to set up a meeting with a friend, neighbor or colleague who is working in a career that interests my child. And I would do the same for a young person interested in my career path. My dad has been retired for years but I still go to him for career advice all the time.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know if I would advocate for explicit steering, but I think it is your duty as a parent to point out that there are significant variations in earnings across different careers and occupations.

When I was still in college, someone pointed out to me how certain careers can be more or less susceptible to ageism. I am very grateful for that conversation.

[Anonymous]

I think it is valuable to have a broad conversation about plans at a couple points along the high school and college path. Less about what they should do and more what interests them.

First step is broader than profession or major - are they a problem solver? Hands on types of interests or more conceptual? Likes to read or likes to build devices?

Then later more literal - for example, if they think they might like law, then they should be exposed to the concept that GPA and LSAT are the determinants. So if they like law but want to major in biochemistry, might be harder to pull the grades (unless their interest in law is associated with sciences).

It is completely okay to teach your child about positioning for success or simply opportunities. Better to know now that not know until it's too late.

For posters who said some of those paths and professions are burnout choices - no one said they need to do those jobs forever. Lots of lawyers push it for 5-10 years and then go to a corporate position or something else or even become a business person within their specialty - for example a real estate attorney who then opens their own settlement agency or even a developer.

[Anonymous]

I am game to know about that ageism list if the earlier poster cares to share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want my kids to like what they do and leave the world a better place. Honestly. I think it's fine to help them realize there are financial tradeoffs to certain career choices, but it's also important for them to realize there are life tradeoffs to other career choices. The money people make in some of these careers is compensation for the fact that they suck in every other way.

This!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have talked about it but it's difficult because neither are drawn toward money-making careers. They also see how some of these careers are incredibly stressful and can have poor quality of life.

This!

Being poor and underpaid is also incredibly stressful and definitely results in poor quality of life.

There is a middle ground.

I have seen a lot during my career. Some died of heart attack in a client meeting. Other overdosed while divorced.

Fair enough.

Believe it or not, there are surgeons, lawyers, inventors, bankers, and business owners who love their jobs, are healthy (I myself compete in triathlons), and are well compensated.

If they have the fire within, then go for it. Obviously, this type of person can figure it out on their own.

But would still be cautious if the primary reason is for achieving certain lifestyles.

[Anonymous]

Better to back off on specific fields/majors and gently encourage grit, resilience, communication skills, work ethic… the kind of things that help you succeed in a job once you’re there. I was like your kid—scholarship kid from a private HS who went to an Ivy. I chose a relatively low-paying major and field but rose through the ranks quickly and became a c-suite exec making 7 figures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have talked about it but it's difficult because neither are drawn toward money-making careers. They also see how some of these careers are incredibly stressful and can have poor quality of life.

This!

Being poor and underpaid is also incredibly stressful and definitely results in poor quality of life.

Yes and no. I was poor once as an immigrant. It wasn't the minimum wage that made living hard, it was several totally different things.
I took my minimum wage, did some magic, and retired in mid 40s. I never had a career and won't be telling my kids what to do.
All I know is that they sit at the computers 14 hours straight and better be working just as hard after college.
I really want both financially free by 30. Older one will be more of a challenge. Younger one will be set, because of his investment account. I feel like I have more control over our money even in this environment than we have over careers and health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you had a conversation with your DC about what careers pay?

My oldest is headed to college and went to a private high school on aid. Many classmates are going to study finance or law because that is what their parents do. My DC has no idea what the path is to make money but he wants the lifestyle that he's seen around him at school (and didn't have). He's a smart kid and is going to a top10 college. We've never talked to him or our other kids about Wall Street, finance, consulting, top law firms or anything of that sort. It makes me cringe to think about saying "hey, if you're serious about wanting a nice home and XYZ, you should probably consider this major vs that major (because btw--you're not coming into any money or significant inheritance from us)." I assume he can figure it out while registering for classes and during the course of his first few years of college but he has had no exposure to these careers in our family and no real idea what these people do. Thoughts?

First, you need to have a discussion with him about values and desires in life. Help him realize that having "all the things that money can buy" does not make life happier. Many of those jobs are high stress and high burnout and leave families divided.

What would I do? I'd have a realistic discussion about if you major in X, what is a typical salary at graduation, 5 years out, and 10-15 years. What are the job prospects and what does a career like that mean? Then emphasize that your life will be so much fuller if you choose something you like to major in, not just something that "makes you more money".

But yes, realize that if your goal is to be social worker, well that never pays well, you need a Masters to do meaningful work, and it still doesn't pay well. So if you want to do that great, but know that you are not likely ever purchasing a $75K+ vehicle or taking 2-3 $5-10K vacations per year on a career path like that (unless married). Same for being a teacher---great career, we need good ones, but don't expect to make $200K+/year ever. So if you would not be happy living with a $50-60K salary, then perhaps think about what major/career would provide a bit more and you'd still be happy with

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have talked about it but it's difficult because neither are drawn toward money-making careers. They also see how some of these careers are incredibly stressful and can have poor quality of life.

This x 1000.


My brother in law is a 7+ figure a year finance guy. He went to a no name undergrad school, not even in top 300. But started in finance right after HS through a family friend. He learned hands on and showed great aptitude. He has several series licenses and have worked at 3 of the top 6 US banking institutions, two at very senior levels. Long story short, he’s decided life’s too short. he’s retiring this year at 43. The stress, the relentlessness of it all makes it impossible to enjoy life and the money. He’s children are not following in his footsteps and he’s not encouraging it. He is allowing them to do whatever the hell makes them happy. He’s a great guy who knows how to manage his ego.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have talked about it but it's difficult because neither are drawn toward money-making careers. They also see how some of these careers are incredibly stressful and can have poor quality of life.

This!

Being poor and underpaid is also incredibly stressful and definitely results in poor quality of life.

Yes and no. I was poor once as an immigrant. It wasn't the minimum wage that made living hard, it was several totally different things.
I took my minimum wage, did some magic, and retired in mid 40s. I never had a career and won't be telling my kids what to do.
All I know is that they sit at the computers 14 hours straight and better be working just as hard after college.
I really want both financially free by 30. Older one will be more of a challenge. Younger one will be set, because of his investment account. I feel like I have more control over our money even in this environment than we have over careers and health.

I think you have posted about this before. How did you achieve this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am game to know about that ageism list if the earlier poster cares to share.

I am the PP. There wasn’t a list per se, but the example given to me was to imagine hiring a gray haired lawyer vs a gray haired computer programmer. I was 19 at the time, living in NYC, and it wasn’t yet clear to me that places that want you to be “cool” actually want you to be young.

Lots of creative adjacent jobs work that way - your awesomeness expires at 35 regardless of how good you are at what you do. Basically, when you encounter a workplace where everyone seems to be <40, don’t take it as a positive, even if you are 25.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have talked about it but it's difficult because neither are drawn toward money-making careers. They also see how some of these careers are incredibly stressful and can have poor quality of life.

This!

Being poor and underpaid is also incredibly stressful and definitely results in poor quality of life.

There is a middle ground.

I have seen a lot during my career. Some died of heart attack in a client meeting. Other overdosed while divorced.

Listen to her she knows what she’s talking about. I’m the PP whose brother in law is a multi-millionaire finance guy. He doesn’t even advice his own children to follow his career path