Coming over unannounced

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are your thoughts on coming over unannounced when dating for a short amount of time? A male friend tried to convince me that the reason I’m having a hard time getting into a committed relationship is because I’m not aggressive enough, and I need to do bold acts like this. I find the idea of showing up unannounced a turn off and violation of boundaries. He says no man will turn down a beautiful woman on his doorstep who shows up with food and a desire for sex. Please chime in.

It's all fun and games until you walk in on him doing something that makes you both freak out. JK JK

This is really more of a cultural or even personal thing. People sometimes call before showing up, or some people just show up and bang on the door to say hi, and some, like close friends or family, just walk on in without announcing.

[Anonymous]

That's on a case-by-case basis and usually after mutual trust has been established.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend is an idiot

It’s his stupid porn hub fantasy or something, but I guarantee that if someone he was dating just showed up on unannounced, he would think she was a psycho stalker.

OP here. the topic came up because he dates lots of women and many of them behave like this and he likes it. I told him this seems unhealthy to me and like boundary violation. He said they are aggressive and end up becoming his girlfriend because they insist on it.

I would NEVER do something like this. I was complaining that healthy people like me just end up single, and he said this is the reason why.

What a liar he is. He wants you to show up so you can see who he has besides you. You’re nuts to see him again.

[Anonymous]

It's rude and desperate. Don't do it. I definitely would not appreciate it.

I remember my mother doing this once when someone canceled a date on her and she was paranoid he was with another woman; she made one of those "cup-a-soup" things and took it to his house. Didn't even make him any real soup. He answered the door sick AF, and knew full well what she was doing.

[Anonymous]

Your male friend may be sabotaging you on purpose.

[Anonymous]

Don't ever, ever do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are your thoughts on coming over unannounced when dating for a short amount of time? A male friend tried to convince me that the reason I’m having a hard time getting into a committed relationship is because I’m not aggressive enough, and I need to do bold acts like this. I find the idea of showing up unannounced a turn off and violation of boundaries. He says no man will turn down a beautiful woman on his doorstep who shows up with food and a desire for sex. Please chime in.

Are you STILL with him?

[Anonymous]

This is one of those maneuvers for TV, not real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so confused. He wants you to show up unannounced with your sexy self on his doorstep with a home cooked meal? Girl you can do so much better. How about he shows up with roses and with a reservation to the Ritz Carlton. Don't fall for this BS. How is this even a question. Block this loser. I would rather be alone.

NP. You know, this all makes much more sense if it's someone posting as if "a friend" had "told them" this, but it's really that they had an idea and are running it up the flagpole and seeing if anyone salutes

[Anonymous]

Don't take dating advice from this friend.

He sounds beta and at least not aggressive himself. Most guys would not like this. When my relatives were dating and women tried to show up unannounced my relatives would leave them standing on the porch. It became a running family joke for one cousin eventually.

Unless the guy is super duper into you this doesn't end well. Respect boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so confused. He wants you to show up unannounced with your sexy self on his doorstep with a home cooked meal? Girl you can do so much better. How about he shows up with roses and with a reservation to the Ritz Carlton. Don't fall for this BS. How is this even a question. Block this loser. I would rather be alone.

That’s why you are alone. Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are your thoughts on coming over unannounced when dating for a short amount of time? A male friend tried to convince me that the reason I’m having a hard time getting into a committed relationship is because I’m not aggressive enough, and I need to do bold acts like this. I find the idea of showing up unannounced a turn off and violation of boundaries. He says no man will turn down a beautiful woman on his doorstep who shows up with food and a desire for sex. Please chime in.

If your intended beloved is sick or facing some work or family related stress, it would be nice to go to his place with care package or food or invite him to your place to pamper but even though it's spontaneous and unplanned, text and check if they are indeed available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are your thoughts on coming over unannounced when dating for a short amount of time? A male friend tried to convince me that the reason I’m having a hard time getting into a committed relationship is because I’m not aggressive enough, and I need to do bold acts like this. I find the idea of showing up unannounced a turn off and violation of boundaries. He says no man will turn down a beautiful woman on his doorstep who shows up with food and a desire for sex. Please chime in.

That’s bad advice, especially if dating only for a short time.
No real man would like it.

If she’s trying to surprise him to check if he’s dating other women, fine and good for her. But if she thinks it’s some kind of move that would make the guy be more attracted to her, she’s totally wrong.

[Anonymous]

Big no. We just don’t do that anymore. Everyone calls or texts first

[Anonymous]

In the 50’s/60’s this was more acceptable.

People would spend entire days visiting w/friends.

These days?
Not so much.
People use the excuse that they are simply busier…..🤷🏻

But if a woman showed up unannounced w/food, wanting to have sex most men would forgive her……