10 year old lying and stealing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m bumping because I’m still having problems. She buys Roblox gift cards and candy with the cash.

I realize that I can just hide my money and never let her go outside to solve this problem, but I’ve really been wanting her to change this behavior for moral reasons. maybe I am being too bright eyed and should just eliminate any access to funds and going outside.

How does she have access to to stores to buy stuff?

I’m guessing OP lives in the city and the child is walking to a neighborhood corner store to buy candy? Lots of kids that age do this is my neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m bumping because I’m still having problems. She buys Roblox gift cards and candy with the cash.

I realize that I can just hide my money and never let her go outside to solve this problem, but I’ve really been wanting her to change this behavior for moral reasons. maybe I am being too bright eyed and should just eliminate any access to funds and going outside.

How does she have access to to stores to buy stuff?

I’m guessing OP lives in the city and the child is walking to a neighborhood corner store to buy candy? Lots of kids that age do this is my neighborhood.

Then she isn’t allowed to go alone and clearly needs more supervision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m bumping because I’m still having problems. She buys Roblox gift cards and candy with the cash.

I realize that I can just hide my money and never let her go outside to solve this problem, but I’ve really been wanting her to change this behavior for moral reasons. maybe I am being too bright eyed and should just eliminate any access to funds and going outside.

How does she have access to to stores to buy stuff?

I’m guessing OP lives in the city and the child is walking to a neighborhood corner store to buy candy? Lots of kids that age do this is my neighborhood.

Then she isn’t allowed to go alone and clearly needs more supervision.

My 10 year old walks home alone from school. It would not be feasible to never let her outside alone. Luckily we aren't having the issues OP is, but I feel for OP. I think taking away the tablet is an easy and obvious first step, however.

[Anonymous]

Get her a lemonade stand

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get her a lemonade stand

Get her an appointment with a dentist.

[Anonymous]

Is she a sneak eater? Overweight?

[Anonymous]

I stole a lot as a kid- mostly my candy from my sisters or sometimes change from various spots in our house. I also lied a ton (obviously related, lol). I’m now the most rule-abiding person I know, lol. I rarely lie (struggle with even a white lie) and would never steal. I rarely even speed.

One of my kids has been diagnosed with adhd, and I’m wondering if I also have it- and the stealing of stuff was an impulse control issue? I don’t ever recall getting in trouble for it, though they much have known, right???

So, I would say, definitely make sure you get into a therapist, but maybe don’t blow up her world about it. Make sure she knows you still love her etc etc, and try to reduce the chances she has to take stuff

[Anonymous]

The problem isn’t stealing - it’s the fact that she’s craving more dopamine hits from playing Roblox. I’d take Roblox away completely and actually pay her $100 (or whatever amount) to agree to stop playing. She can have money to spend on anything she sees fit (let her buy $100 of candy - it won’t last forever) and that will solve the stealing issue. After she spends the $100 tell her she can earn more money by doing extra chores around the house. Take control of situation before it gets worse. I say this as a caring parent who works in the tech industry. Roblox is poison for kids and a gateway for predators.

[Anonymous]

One of my kids stole when he was pretty young. He went with his dad to the store and made him pay for it and tell them why. He has not been interested in repeating that experience. He really didn’t have a good reason. Would remember that people generally rise to the level of your expectations. Is your child someone who you expect to do wrong? Maybe your child is looking for attention and only gets it from you/ family when she acts out. So, try to ignore the bad stuff. Set special time aside weekly for one in on activities. Also, ask her with curiosity, not shaming, why she is doing this? Does she need opportunities to earn money? Would it be helpful to volunteer to help people less fortunate, to get perspective on what she does have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem isn’t stealing - it’s the fact that she’s craving more dopamine hits from playing Roblox. I’d take Roblox away completely and actually pay her $100 (or whatever amount) to agree to stop playing. She can have money to spend on anything she sees fit (let her buy $100 of candy - it won’t last forever) and that will solve the stealing issue. After she spends the $100 tell her she can earn more money by doing extra chores around the house. Take control of situation before it gets worse. I say this as a caring parent who works in the tech industry. Roblox is poison for kids and a gateway for predators.

As a mom of young boys and a pediatrician, I would absolutely second this. Roblox is the worst game out there for this age group. Set boundaries and rules and allow her to "earn" $ from you. Then she can buy whatever non-Roblox items she desires. If she is playing Roblox, PLEASE monitor heavily any chats

[Anonymous]

OP here to update. The store is one block from our house. the reason she had been having access is because she goes to after school tutoring which is next to the store. Sometimes I have her walk because there isn’t a tutoring appointment after 5pm when I’m done with work. If she has to go while I’m working from home I let her walk.

Today I found out she is still stealing and may even be directly stealing from the store. She has her first therapy appointment next week. I’ve asked a million times why she is doling this and get a different answer every time. She is not on punishment. No tv, internet, money, gifts, or fun. Roblox is permanently banned as of some weeks ago.

I took her back to the store and made her tell the cashier she’d been stealing.

I think I may have to cut back on tutoring so she only goes when I’m off of work and can drive her.