10 year old lying and stealing

[Anonymous]

My 10 year old daughter has started lying and stealing. She steals cash from me. I am absolutely horrified. I’ve tried talking to her, and taking away privileges she likes. I have an appointment with a therapist setup.

Has anyone dealt with this? What helped?

[Anonymous]

What is she doing with the cash?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is she doing with the cash?

Same question. My 9 year old has nothing to buy. We provide food, snacks, clothing, toys and supplies. They eat lunch with school online account money that is funded by me. They have some cash, and they never spend a penny. What could child need cash for?

[Anonymous]

I stole a lot as a kid and probably started around 5 or so. My parents were very strict and stingy compared to other parents. They would have sworn up and down they weren't. That's why I stole. For control. And to get the things everyone else had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I stole a lot as a kid and probably started around 5 or so. My parents were very strict and stingy compared to other parents. They would have sworn up and down they weren't. That's why I stole. For control. And to get the things everyone else had.

That’s insane sounding for a 5 year old. Do you get therapy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I stole a lot as a kid and probably started around 5 or so. My parents were very strict and stingy compared to other parents. They would have sworn up and down they weren't. That's why I stole. For control. And to get the things everyone else had.

What would have given you a sense of control?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I’m bumping because I’m still having problems. She buys Roblox gift cards and candy with the cash.

I realize that I can just hide my money and never let her go outside to solve this problem, but I’ve really been wanting her to change this behavior for moral reasons. maybe I am being too bright eyed and should just eliminate any access to funds and going outside.

[Anonymous]

There are strategies that avoid confrontation and shaming. Try Calm Academy for one.

[Anonymous]

Why does she have access to a computer?

[Anonymous]

She is breaking family rules and needs to have immediate consequences for that. Yes, lock up the money and restrict her movements since she can’t be trusted, and get rid of Roblox completely.

If she does it again I’d have her repay you twofold. Once to pay back what she owes you and the doubled amount part as a fine for stealing. So you decide on chores around the house or in the community and put a price on each one and she has to log hours to pay you back.

And then she needs to have a legitimate way to get what she wants by working for it.

The main point to me is that she is breaking your house rules.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, I meant Celebrate Calm (Kirk Martin) not Calm academy

[Anonymous]

With lying and stealing, punishment and shaming backfire to create a lifelong issue. Better to get her to talk and help her strategize ways to solve the issue causing her need to lie and steal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 10 year old daughter has started lying and stealing. She steals cash from me. I am absolutely horrified. I’ve tried talking to her, and taking away privileges she likes. I have an appointment with a therapist setup.

Has anyone dealt with this? What helped?

:shock:

[Anonymous]

I would actually lock up my wallet when I got home… until I could work on the relationship for a while. Prevent the bad behavior while you are working on connection. Do more activities with her. Make a list of things that you are both interested in doing together.

Some day, down the line… you could get a better sense of what kind of money you could give her. Maybe a small allowance? My kids are always asking for ways to make money. My 12yo wants a job. My 10yo tells me certain things are too expensive. I have to admit that I freely give them $15-20 when they are heading out with friends so that they can pay for things themselves. I talk about how the goal isn’t to spend all the money… just not to make someone else pay for them.

I wonder if you can talk about money more. You could talk about the relative costs of different items, maybe also talk about the feeling of getting paid for your work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m bumping because I’m still having problems. She buys Roblox gift cards and candy with the cash.

I realize that I can just hide my money and never let her go outside to solve this problem, but I’ve really been wanting her to change this behavior for moral reasons. maybe I am being too bright eyed and should just eliminate any access to funds and going outside.

How does she have access to to stores to buy stuff?