Is anyone else spiraling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is anyone else spiraling? I’m a fed and my job seems up in the air which makes it incredibly hard to do my job right now. I debate just quitting and becoming a sahm but it seems like such a huge jump. Nothing seems to really have purpose and I’m always tired (mostly because I start work at 6am). No vacations planned due to finances. Lost 70k last week in the stock market (not even part of my 401k, which was likely much much worse). It’s really hard to plan for the future because I don’t know what it looks like (like summer camps for kids or vacations).

Dh and I now argue because he likes Trump, which is probably the worst thing that’s happened currently in my life. We had an incredible marriage and now there’s this awful orange stain on it.

Everything seems like it’s up in the air. I really thought we had a good life before this mess. And before you all come at me, I’m a moderate. I haven’t felt well represented in politics for years.

So, it's really your husband that is your problem. If you think that isn't the problem, you are not a moderate. You were also ok with this, is that what I am picking up?

Get on the reddit thread "I didn’t think the leopards would eat my face." You'll have some comraderie there.
Regarding life plans- don't change anything- wait and see what happens, then- adjust your spending and lifestyle.

Op here. Yeah I think if my husband had my back I would be ok. He’s always been my best friend, the perfect husband, perfect father, cooks, cleans, and is kind. He is now cheering on the Fed firings and supports Trump. He’s always been a fiscal conservative/social liberal. Maybe from the outside it looks like they’re getting rid of wasteful spending, but I’m on the inside and I can see the wanton cruelty of doge. Nothing about it makes sense even from a financial standpoint. And anytime I try to talk about what’s going on, he starts going on about Biden.

I can’t give up a long marriage with 3 small kids but how can my husband support all of this?!!!

No one is saying to leave him. Too late now, anyway. But you are spiraling because you are living with the reality of what's happening. Stand up, girl. Say your peace to this misinformed husband. Get involved in resisting and fighting back. You'll feel better.

[Anonymous]

No, I’m not spiraling. But I am consciously putting my head in the sand a bit about everything to avoid doing so.

My DH is a republican and I’m not, but he hates Trump, voted for Harris, and is furious about it all — so fortunately no marital strife.

[Anonymous]

Meh I’m in almost the exact same boat and I’m not spiraling yet. I’m too busy with three kids. I agree though it is hard to stay motivated as a fed, although many would be happy to take my place. I understand why half the country elected trump, because they were getting a bad deal. I doubt if trump will fix it with his dramatic cutting but I get why there’s no sympathy for Feds and our stock portfolios. Half of Americans don’t have stocks or retirement! I think you need to gain some perspective. I’m grateful for every penny I can put away. I recognize how many Americans are much less fortunate than we are. I’m sad that my party (democratic) abandoned the working class and basically ceded this election to trump. We should have been dealing with the effects on the working class long ago. Instead we have H1b programs and tech billionaires. I made my peace with my dh. I’m not going to divorce him over politics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is anyone else spiraling? I’m a fed and my job seems up in the air which makes it incredibly hard to do my job right now. I debate just quitting and becoming a sahm but it seems like such a huge jump. Nothing seems to really have purpose and I’m always tired (mostly because I start work at 6am). No vacations planned due to finances. Lost 70k last week in the stock market (not even part of my 401k, which was likely much much worse). It’s really hard to plan for the future because I don’t know what it looks like (like summer camps for kids or vacations).

Dh and I now argue because he likes Trump, which is probably the worst thing that’s happened currently in my life. We had an incredible marriage and now there’s this awful orange stain on it.

Everything seems like it’s up in the air. I really thought we had a good life before this mess. And before you all come at me, I’m a moderate. I haven’t felt well represented in politics for years.

So, it's really your husband that is your problem. If you think that isn't the problem, you are not a moderate. You were also ok with this, is that what I am picking up?

Get on the reddit thread "I didn’t think the leopards would eat my face." You'll have some comraderie there.
Regarding life plans- don't change anything- wait and see what happens, then- adjust your spending and lifestyle.

Op here. Yeah I think if my husband had my back I would be ok. He’s always been my best friend, the perfect husband, perfect father, cooks, cleans, and is kind. He is now cheering on the Fed firings and supports Trump. He’s always been a fiscal conservative/social liberal. Maybe from the outside it looks like they’re getting rid of wasteful spending, but I’m on the inside and I can see the wanton cruelty of doge. Nothing about it makes sense even from a financial standpoint. And anytime I try to talk about what’s going on, he starts going on about Biden.

I can’t give up a long marriage with 3 small kids but how can my husband support all of this?!!!

You need to stop listening to NPR. And/or get off social media completely.

What matters most is: your family. And your family revolves around your marriage. Isn’t that more important right now, than the constant political outraged pushed on you by media?

OP here. I'm not on social media and I stay off the news. I'm talking about things I personally see happening at my own agency. I'm not a very political person.

[Anonymous]

How would your DH feel about Trump/Musk if you lost your job?

[Anonymous]

Yes- my DH has a new job across the country. We absolutely *need* to sell our house and the real estate market in our area (no longer DC) has tanked. No idea what we're going to do except price at the lowest possible level we can stomach. We can't afford two mortgages, or mortgage and rent since we're moving to higher cost of living location.

Our 401K and investments are falling including my DS's college fund which we need now since he is graduating. We're getting closer to retirement age and have lost so much money in this administration. I feel like we'll never be able to retire.

This isn't as bad as many situations, but I'm constantly worried. I'm also dealing with resentment because I know people who voted for Trump and I can't keep my friendship separated from my feelings about that.

[Anonymous]

I’ve had to limit exposure to the doom and gloom folks. I was at dinner this weekend and someone kept ranting about how we are going to be nuked. No one wanted to discuss this and the person kept rambling on. I loudly interrupted and stated ‘if this happens and I survive, I will just kill myself. There is nothing we can do about this so stop talking about it.’

I was so irritated.

[Anonymous]

DH is in the "they are all the same" camp, not as bad as a Trumper, but still so annoying. I discourage us talking about politics as much as possible, because it's aggravating. In general, he is kind of incapable of basic sympathy. If I say "I'm so hot" and whine about the weather, he will say, "I love being hot!" It's starting to drive me crazy!!! I guess it's a better response than "It's not hot at all!"

[Anonymous]

For the love of god, pull it together. Please deal with stuff all the time. It’s part of being an adult. You can do this!

[Anonymous]

I’m not spiraling yet, but I’m paralyzed about planning ahead. Ex.: my husband’s car is 18y old and every now and then we are smacked with 4k/2k and similar mechanic bills. He was working from home so it was doable. Now he is back at the office and if things were normal and relatively predictable, we would be buying a commuter car for him right now, before prices go up because of Trump taxes.

But we are still undecided because we don’t know if he will be RIFed next week or within the next 8 months.

I’m not even talking about vacations, camps and the like, but necessities such as the example above and fixing things in the house that NEED to be fixed/replaced ASAP.

The uncertainty is paralyzing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the love of god, pull it together. Please deal with stuff all the time. It’s part of being an adult. You can do this!

NP

For the love of god, shut up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are feds, and we are fine. We have no time to think about it. When something happens, we will deal with it.

Similar to us but only DH is a fed. But, I work for a public university in a research adjacent position so that’s not awesome either.

We’ll deal with what comes. Sometimes I feel myself start to get anxious but I can calm myself down.

[Anonymous]

My mother is a Trump supporter, sees us suffering and stressed out and says 'I'm so sorry. I'm thinking of you.' But she wasn't thinking of us during the election and supports this administration and its policies.

I’m dealing with this too. I don’t feel like interacting with any Trump supporters and both my parents voted for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My mother is a Trump supporter, sees us suffering and stressed out and says 'I'm so sorry. I'm thinking of you.' But she wasn't thinking of us during the election and supports this administration and its policies.

I’m dealing with this too. I don’t feel like interacting with any Trump supporters and both my parents voted for him.

DP. Same. I got laid off last week and I don’t feel like talking to my parents at all. Last time I saw them they said they were praying for me. We know how helpful those thoughts and prayers are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is anyone else spiraling? I’m a fed and my job seems up in the air which makes it incredibly hard to do my job right now. I debate just quitting and becoming a sahm but it seems like such a huge jump. Nothing seems to really have purpose and I’m always tired (mostly because I start work at 6am). No vacations planned due to finances. Lost 70k last week in the stock market (not even part of my 401k, which was likely much much worse). It’s really hard to plan for the future because I don’t know what it looks like (like summer camps for kids or vacations).

Dh and I now argue because he likes Trump, which is probably the worst thing that’s happened currently in my life. We had an incredible marriage and now there’s this awful orange stain on it.

Everything seems like it’s up in the air. I really thought we had a good life before this mess. And before you all come at me, I’m a moderate. I haven’t felt well represented in politics for years.

So, it's really your husband that is your problem. If you think that isn't the problem, you are not a moderate. You were also ok with this, is that what I am picking up?

Get on the reddit thread "I didn’t think the leopards would eat my face." You'll have some comraderie there.
Regarding life plans- don't change anything- wait and see what happens, then- adjust your spending and lifestyle.

Op here. Yeah I think if my husband had my back I would be ok. He’s always been my best friend, the perfect husband, perfect father, cooks, cleans, and is kind. He is now cheering on the Fed firings and supports Trump. He’s always been a fiscal conservative/social liberal. Maybe from the outside it looks like they’re getting rid of wasteful spending, but I’m on the inside and I can see the wanton cruelty of doge. Nothing about it makes sense even from a financial standpoint. And anytime I try to talk about what’s going on, he starts going on about Biden.

I can’t give up a long marriage with 3 small kids but how can my husband support all of this?!!!

I completely understand. Exactly the same with my husband, but he's supported Trump since 2016. It's really changed our relationship. I know people say, "just don't talk about politics," but we've always talked about politics and policy. We're both feds in the national security space. It's not as easy as just avoiding the topic. I wish I had an answer, but I all have is empathy. Hugs.