Mom says she being abused in nursing home; but she isn’t :(

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who spent a lot of time visiting and volunteering, they definitely do everything on their sweet time schedule and they cover for each other with little lies.

They will also leave someone at "shift change" and not help them to the bathroom because they don't care if they wet the bed for the next person. And it just gets paid forward like that.

I think that it's a very hard job and low-paying and the workers sometimes forget how undignified it is for these other adults, some who did crazy things like judges, scientists, groundbreaking things for their time.

What a shame that you haven't been exposed to quality facilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who spent a lot of time visiting and volunteering, they definitely do everything on their sweet time schedule and they cover for each other with little lies.

They will also leave someone at "shift change" and not help them to the bathroom because they don't care if they wet the bed for the next person. And it just gets paid forward like that.

I think that it's a very hard job and low-paying and the workers sometimes forget how undignified it is for these other adults, some who did crazy things like judges, scientists, groundbreaking things for their time.

This is not uncommon.

Basically, elders are prisoners in nursing homes.

then take your loved one home and do it yourself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s concerning that you have zero intention of looking at whether she might actually be getting hurt or neglected.

She does not describe anything that could hurt her or be neglectful. If she was reluctant to talk about it, I’d be suspicious. Instead, she’s very vocal about what staff do that she doesn’t like and it just isn’t abuse. Today, she called me to complain that staff abused her by replacing the paper towels in her bathroom while she was at the afternoon activity. She doesn’t want anyone in the room while she’s out. That’s intrusive if you really squint at it looking for fault, not abusive.

It does sound like she's labeling anything she views as a slight as abuse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who spent a lot of time visiting and volunteering, they definitely do everything on their sweet time schedule and they cover for each other with little lies.

They will also leave someone at "shift change" and not help them to the bathroom because they don't care if they wet the bed for the next person. And it just gets paid forward like that.

I think that it's a very hard job and low-paying and the workers sometimes forget how undignified it is for these other adults, some who did crazy things like judges, scientists, groundbreaking things for their time.

What a shame that you haven't been exposed to quality facilities.

You're kidding yourself if you think abuse and neglect don't occur at expensive, "high quality" facilities. It can happen anywhere. Elders, especially when they are very infirm or have dementia are very vulnerable. It's so important to figure out a plan to have frequent visitors. When the staff knows that visitors can pop up anytime, your loved one is more likely to be safe.

As far as OP, a care manager seems to be the answer, but I would strongly encourage OP to arrange other visitors as well.

[Anonymous]

Is she possibly having depression/anxiety? I'm asking because my mom acted depressed when she was in a rehab after a hip break. I was there daily and she was well cared for. But she hated being there and was refusing food, then telling me 'they didn't give me anything to eat'. I literally was right there when they came to take her order and she'd refuse-they would still bring her a plate because that's law (in our state).

It's defenitely good to visit as often as possible. My dad was in 3 rehab facilites in the last few years-two were excellent and one was awful, I sprung him out of there after just a few days, i realized quickly it was not good.

[Anonymous]

My mother, who is not in a nursing home, cries abuse when one of her children leaves hair in the bathtub after a shower.
She LOVES this word.
Ironic given how she struck and beat her kids when we were very young.