Push them or keep them in a bubble

[Anonymous]

What if it is a transition to a new HS and DD skews anxious? I worry that she is going to replicate her MS environment because it feels like a ‘safer’ and easier transition ( moving to a small HS) vs. take a Rick and moving to a larger HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP. Say more. Do you mean that by being in a larger school they can ‘blend in’ or not be ‘seen’ as easily and therefor not be judged to the same degree? My worry would be the cons that come with larger environments- less 1:1 teacher instruction, more chaos outside of classes, less supervision regarding behavior outside and inside classes.

just because our kids have SN does not mean they cannot adapt and be resilient. and yes, at a bigger school (especially public) there is more ability to blend in, more different types of kids, and more tolerant admins and teachers. Our worse SN school experiences have been with teachers that fancy themselves “nurturing” but are actually unable to handle any challenges. I would never advocate for a kid to be removed from a school they are thriving in just for some theoretical better setting (be it larger or smaller) but I also don’t think it is wise to undersell our kids. particularly if their academic needs could be served better at one school over the other.

When we were deciding between a "safe" more nurturing private and smaller HS and a larger high school we worried about some of these same things.

Big HS was better academically. This a 99th percentile kid for math and english. Definitely more diverse and a wider range of clubs and sports. A wider range of behavior issues at the school which made it easier to blend in. We hoped for the best case scenario where DD would find her people and be academically challenged.

But DD just got lost and since parents are just not involved in public schools there was nothign we could do. There was no one we could turn to to get help for DD to make friends or to help DD get to any clubs. No one cared if DD went to school or was failing so her grades tanked. DD had more friends in the small private. In private the counselors and teachers will encourage kids to come out of their shell. At some privates you're actually forced to choose clubs because they have them as part of their schedule so there's no such thing as a kid who doesn't join anything.

[Anonymous]

Op, I have a middle schooler with ADHD, mild dylexia and (possibly) ASD at a k-8 who is fairly successful with “normal” independent school supports - so small classes, teachers who know you, and adults I can reach out to with any concerns.

DD is doing well academically and we are encouraging her to push herself. Hard to know exactly how high school admissions will shake out, but she is very bright, hardworking, and enthusiastic about academics. She needs support in having no/low distraction environments, struggles with group work sometimes, and socially seems ok - never will be popular, doesn’t have a “group” but has friends and things socially are actually better than in elementary school as the ADHD hyperactivity/impulsivity improves.

We are going to let her go to any independent school she wants/gets into for high school. Some are quite small, and while that is nuturing, they don’t have a reputation of being academically rigorous, which I think she would like. None are that large (class sizes of 150 Max), so I don’t worry about her getting lost or that there won’t be an adult I can call if she gets into a pickle she really can’t manage at all. I would actually have a slight preference for her to go to a larger one so she can find other girls with similar interests.

Were you thinking about moving your child to public school? I don’t think any independent school would be too large to support your child - I feel like at this point I am basically paying a lot of money for the guarantee that my child will not get lost and will have adults at school who care about and support her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if it is a transition to a new HS and DD skews anxious? I worry that she is going to replicate her MS environment because it feels like a ‘safer’ and easier transition ( moving to a small HS) vs. take a Rick and moving to a larger HS.

You don’t handle anxiety by accomodating it or avoiding it.

[Anonymous]

We've pushed him since birth, because we think it's the only way for him to become financially independent and not need support once we're gone. He's going to close doors for himself regardless, but this needs to happen as late as possible, so he can get a foot in the door of the job market. He's now in a decent university and vying for a prestigious study abroad program. But it isn't easy, and was never easy. Only you can decide whether that approach works for you.

[Anonymous]

I would encourage her to stay in a safe place and look for a small college that also feels safe for her. Life is going to throw her enough challenges.

[Anonymous]

My experience is that high school is much harder than middle school in terms of demands and what is expected from kids, and that if your kid can’t handle it, the social, emotional, and mental health consequences are severe. I would go for the most supported option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if it is a transition to a new HS and DD skews anxious? I worry that she is going to replicate her MS environment because it feels like a ‘safer’ and easier transition ( moving to a small HS) vs. take a Rick and moving to a larger HS.

You don’t handle anxiety by accomodating it or avoiding it.

But if you push too hard or too much, you can end up with a downward spiral and hospitalization. That was our story and my child never made it back to a regular classroom. There is no one size fits all answer here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s always a mistake to underestimate a kid. Pick the school that will be best educationally.

No. SN kids fall apart all the time if not in the right environment. It’s not about underestimating.

What are the needs? Can the school provide the needs?

Also how big is big? The chaos level can differ from 200 students vs 900 students per grade

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if it is a transition to a new HS and DD skews anxious? I worry that she is going to replicate her MS environment because it feels like a ‘safer’ and easier transition ( moving to a small HS) vs. take a Rick and moving to a larger HS.

You don’t handle anxiety by accomodating it or avoiding it.

But if you push too hard or too much, you can end up with a downward spiral and hospitalization. That was our story and my child never made it back to a regular classroom. There is no one size fits all answer here.

YES.