Mom pushed someone this week in her nursing home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she seems more agitated than usual, have them test for a UTI. In the elderly cognitive issues may be the only noticable symptom.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ask them what was going on leading up to the push (gathering for dinner? Activity? Waiting for medication?)

I would also ask about the other resident - do they normally get along? Why did your mom push that day / that incident? Did she verbally communicate for that person to be out of her space? Did she go up to them and push them? These are all important things to know and root causes - to help prevent in the future.

Besides medication, what other interventions do they suggest to prevent it from happening in the future?

Every behavior is an expression of an unmet need. If she pushed someone it could have been out of anger, fear or frustration. Each may have a different intervention (vs just anti anxiety medication). Not perhaps the medication is all that is warranted.

You obviously know nothing about the deterioration of humans.

Seriously, the above post is laughable. She is in memory care - you really you really think either memory care resident is going to give an accurate answer or that they have enough staff to know what every single resident is up to.

Stop with your ludicrous "every behavior is an expression of unmet need". They are demented , literally. You lose rational thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ask them what was going on leading up to the push (gathering for dinner? Activity? Waiting for medication?)

I would also ask about the other resident - do they normally get along? Why did your mom push that day / that incident? Did she verbally communicate for that person to be out of her space? Did she go up to them and push them? These are all important things to know and root causes - to help prevent in the future.

Besides medication, what other interventions do they suggest to prevent it from happening in the future?

Every behavior is an expression of an unmet need. If she pushed someone it could have been out of anger, fear or frustration. Each may have a different intervention (vs just anti anxiety medication). Not perhaps the medication is all that is warranted.

You obviously know nothing about the deterioration of humans.

NP but this is what they taught us during trainings about dementia where I used to work. They always try to determine what might have triggered particular behaviors, because many of these residents are unable to verbalize their feelings or needs. It’s just one piece of the puzzle, but behavior is a form of communication and it’s best practice to see if there is anything that can be done to address it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ask them what was going on leading up to the push (gathering for dinner? Activity? Waiting for medication?)

I would also ask about the other resident - do they normally get along? Why did your mom push that day / that incident? Did she verbally communicate for that person to be out of her space? Did she go up to them and push them? These are all important things to know and root causes - to help prevent in the future.

Besides medication, what other interventions do they suggest to prevent it from happening in the future?

Every behavior is an expression of an unmet need. If she pushed someone it could have been out of anger, fear or frustration. Each may have a different intervention (vs just anti anxiety medication). Not perhaps the medication is all that is warranted.

You obviously know nothing about the deterioration of humans.

Seriously, the above post is laughable. She is in memory care - you really you really think either memory care resident is going to give an accurate answer or that they have enough staff to know what every single resident is up to.

Stop with your ludicrous "every behavior is an expression of unmet need". They are demented , literally. You lose rational thought.

You are thinking like a dinosaur. Most dementia patients can have a much better QOL than they did decades ago. We don’t just have to say, oh that’s dementia, sucks to be them. There are different modalities and approaches for how we treat dementia patients now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ask them what was going on leading up to the push (gathering for dinner? Activity? Waiting for medication?)

I would also ask about the other resident - do they normally get along? Why did your mom push that day / that incident? Did she verbally communicate for that person to be out of her space? Did she go up to them and push them? These are all important things to know and root causes - to help prevent in the future.

Besides medication, what other interventions do they suggest to prevent it from happening in the future?

Every behavior is an expression of an unmet need. If she pushed someone it could have been out of anger, fear or frustration. Each may have a different intervention (vs just anti anxiety medication). Not perhaps the medication is all that is warranted.

You obviously know nothing about the deterioration of humans.

NP but this is what they taught us during trainings about dementia where I used to work. They always try to determine what might have triggered particular behaviors, because many of these residents are unable to verbalize their feelings or needs. It’s just one piece of the puzzle, but behavior is a form of communication and it’s best practice to see if there is anything that can be done to address it.

New poster. I recall reading this too. All sorts of things can trigger them like changes in routine, too many visitors, saying "don't you remember or something else that points out they are losing it, tone of voice etc. That's why when people on here posting that they feel guilty not bringing mom to a 30 person holiday gathering 2 hours away, I suggest that mom is better off having her usual routine at the memory care and you can visit a different day or the same day. Mom is not going to enjoy a long drive to a noisy environment in an unfamiliar setting where her routine is broken up, but I digress...

Back to triggers....for my mother, I am actually a trigger and so are people who remind her of me. The worse she gets the more she hates me. The thing is, while I was a people-pleaser bending over backwards for her long before her decline, she didn't really like me that much either. She played favorites and had such low standards for anyone else-siblings, her friend's kids, cousins. So, it's not just dementia. And she was verbally combative through childhood and prone toward explosions. She was never violent though, but I would not be shocked if she became violent as she declines more. She made many threats of violence growing up. We're not talking about spanking. More like threatening to murder with a knife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ask them what was going on leading up to the push (gathering for dinner? Activity? Waiting for medication?)

I would also ask about the other resident - do they normally get along? Why did your mom push that day / that incident? Did she verbally communicate for that person to be out of her space? Did she go up to them and push them? These are all important things to know and root causes - to help prevent in the future.

Besides medication, what other interventions do they suggest to prevent it from happening in the future?

Every behavior is an expression of an unmet need. If she pushed someone it could have been out of anger, fear or frustration. Each may have a different intervention (vs just anti anxiety medication). Not perhaps the medication is all that is warranted.

You obviously know nothing about the deterioration of humans.

NP but this is what they taught us during trainings about dementia where I used to work. They always try to determine what might have triggered particular behaviors, because many of these residents are unable to verbalize their feelings or needs. It’s just one piece of the puzzle, but behavior is a form of communication and it’s best practice to see if there is anything that can be done to address it.

New poster. I recall reading this too. All sorts of things can trigger them like changes in routine, too many visitors, saying "don't you remember or something else that points out they are losing it, tone of voice etc. That's why when people on here posting that they feel guilty not bringing mom to a 30 person holiday gathering 2 hours away, I suggest that mom is better off having her usual routine at the memory care and you can visit a different day or the same day. Mom is not going to enjoy a long drive to a noisy environment in an unfamiliar setting where her routine is broken up, but I digress...

Back to triggers....for my mother, I am actually a trigger and so are people who remind her of me. The worse she gets the more she hates me. The thing is, while I was a people-pleaser bending over backwards for her long before her decline, she didn't really like me that much either. She played favorites and had such low standards for anyone else-siblings, her friend's kids, cousins. So, it's not just dementia. And she was verbally combative through childhood and prone toward explosions. She was never violent though, but I would not be shocked if she became violent as she declines more. She made many threats of violence growing up. We're not talking about spanking. More like threatening to murder with a knife.

Posting again to say, OP I am so sorry. i didn't mean to make this about my mom, but to respond to some posts here and also, I think my mother could easily do what your mom did. It's so scary to think of them acting this way toward others (or us).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ask them what was going on leading up to the push (gathering for dinner? Activity? Waiting for medication?)

I would also ask about the other resident - do they normally get along? Why did your mom push that day / that incident? Did she verbally communicate for that person to be out of her space? Did she go up to them and push them? These are all important things to know and root causes - to help prevent in the future.

Besides medication, what other interventions do they suggest to prevent it from happening in the future?

Every behavior is an expression of an unmet need. If she pushed someone it could have been out of anger, fear or frustration. Each may have a different intervention (vs just anti anxiety medication). Not perhaps the medication is all that is warranted.

You obviously know nothing about the deterioration of humans.

NP but this is what they taught us during trainings about dementia where I used to work. They always try to determine what might have triggered particular behaviors, because many of these residents are unable to verbalize their feelings or needs. It’s just one piece of the puzzle, but behavior is a form of communication and it’s best practice to see if there is anything that can be done to address it.

New poster. I recall reading this too. All sorts of things can trigger them like changes in routine, too many visitors, saying "don't you remember or something else that points out they are losing it, tone of voice etc. That's why when people on here posting that they feel guilty not bringing mom to a 30 person holiday gathering 2 hours away, I suggest that mom is better off having her usual routine at the memory care and you can visit a different day or the same day. Mom is not going to enjoy a long drive to a noisy environment in an unfamiliar setting where her routine is broken up, but I digress...

Back to triggers....for my mother, I am actually a trigger and so are people who remind her of me. The worse she gets the more she hates me. The thing is, while I was a people-pleaser bending over backwards for her long before her decline, she didn't really like me that much either. She played favorites and had such low standards for anyone else-siblings, her friend's kids, cousins. So, it's not just dementia. And she was verbally combative through childhood and prone toward explosions. She was never violent though, but I would not be shocked if she became violent as she declines more. She made many threats of violence growing up. We're not talking about spanking. More like threatening to murder with a knife.

Posting again to say, OP I am so sorry. i didn't mean to make this about my mom, but to respond to some posts here and also, I think my mother could easily do what your mom did. It's so scary to think of them acting this way toward others (or us).

THank you for your perspective. I do fear her pushing me as well.

[Anonymous]

this is OP. They did check for UTI via urine test--negative. They tried to draw blood, she didn't let them. They are going to do meds which I think is the right thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she seems more agitated than usual, have them test for a UTI. In the elderly cognitive issues may be the only noticable symptom.

can you please explain why you suggest this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she seems more agitated than usual, have them test for a UTI. In the elderly cognitive issues may be the only noticable symptom.

can you please explain why you suggest this?

UTIs can cause memory problems and delirium, hallucinations even in healthy seniors. Those with dementia may have symptoms dramatically amplified. Often, they don't feel the physical sensations, and the infection goes undiagnosed. Whenever you see a dramatic decline, always ask for a UTI test. It's a good idea to test regularly anyway, they may catch one before it becomes a serious problem

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this is OP. They did check for UTI via urine test--negative. They tried to draw blood, she didn't let them. They are going to do meds which I think is the right thing to do.

Good that they ruled out a UTI. Meds are a great idea. They are the only thing that keep my mother from being abusive. You can use Teepa Snow techniques on her until the cows come home, but at first an antianxiety drug and eventually when that wasn't enough, a combo of that plus antipsychotic, were the only things that made it so she could be a decent citizen.