Mom pushed someone this week in her nursing home

[Anonymous]

She's in memory care,they are handling it and will start her on anti anxiety. STill scary and troubling to hear (but not surprising). It's all very hard.

[Anonymous]

She'll be fine.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry that happened. As much as you dread those calls, it is better that you receive them, because the memory care has to report it, and you know they are more likely to follow the rules in other areas, like reporting falls or other injuries.

Sometimes she’ll be the pusher, sometimes she will be the one who gets pushed. My loved one had a phase of dementia where there were periodic scuffles, even with attentive staff. While they never resulted in injury, I worried that they would be asked to leave, but that didn’t happen. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

That’s part of dementia. She did not mean to.

[Anonymous]

I would ask them what was going on leading up to the push (gathering for dinner? Activity? Waiting for medication?)

I would also ask about the other resident - do they normally get along? Why did your mom push that day / that incident? Did she verbally communicate for that person to be out of her space? Did she go up to them and push them? These are all important things to know and root causes - to help prevent in the future.

Besides medication, what other interventions do they suggest to prevent it from happening in the future?

Every behavior is an expression of an unmet need. If she pushed someone it could have been out of anger, fear or frustration. Each may have a different intervention (vs just anti anxiety medication). Not perhaps the medication is all that is warranted.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP, I got calls like this for my mom. So sad, dementia sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s part of dementia. She did not mean to.

Yup. It happens. At least it not way which they will not ever admit. Looking at you Goodwin House.

[Anonymous]

My grandma once went down to breakfast stark naked. Weird things happen when we get old. Your mom is in a safe place and I'm sure it wasn't the first time they had to manage something like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ask them what was going on leading up to the push (gathering for dinner? Activity? Waiting for medication?)

I would also ask about the other resident - do they normally get along? Why did your mom push that day / that incident? Did she verbally communicate for that person to be out of her space? Did she go up to them and push them? These are all important things to know and root causes - to help prevent in the future.

Besides medication, what other interventions do they suggest to prevent it from happening in the future?

Every behavior is an expression of an unmet need. If she pushed someone it could have been out of anger, fear or frustration. Each may have a different intervention (vs just anti anxiety medication). Not perhaps the medication is all that is warranted.

You obviously know nothing about the deterioration of humans.

[Anonymous]

Thanks all. She has done this in our home too which is why we ultimately made the decision for skilled nursing. For us it was evening. But what’s odd is this all happened mid day. The person she pushed is someone she gets along with. I’m glad there are more meds.

[Anonymous]

My mom in memory care has been on the receiving end of a closed fisted punch by one male resident and a grab-and-pinch by another female resident. Unfortunately dementia just does horrible things to the brain and things like this happen. It’s not like the kindergarten bully who may be able to be taught not to behave that way, it’s a disease that impacts the ability to understand.

It’s horrible my mom was assaulted (twice) but I recognize that she could just have easily been the aggressor. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this OP. Medication management is helpful at this stage if they start getting aggressive. But please recognize this is a disease and I’m sure your mom would be absolutely mortified if she had any idea what she was doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ask them what was going on leading up to the push (gathering for dinner? Activity? Waiting for medication?)

I would also ask about the other resident - do they normally get along? Why did your mom push that day / that incident? Did she verbally communicate for that person to be out of her space? Did she go up to them and push them? These are all important things to know and root causes - to help prevent in the future.

Besides medication, what other interventions do they suggest to prevent it from happening in the future?

Every behavior is an expression of an unmet need. If she pushed someone it could have been out of anger, fear or frustration. Each may have a different intervention (vs just anti anxiety medication). Not perhaps the medication is all that is warranted.

It’s too bad this post is being dismissed and ignored. These are important questions to ask with most types of dementia. I first started helping my mother with elder care as a young teen decades ago. The QOL interventions and treatment are so much better for most types of dementia now. Medication is an important part, but it’s not the only part.

[Anonymous]

If she seems more agitated than usual, have them test for a UTI. In the elderly cognitive issues may be the only noticable symptom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she seems more agitated than usual, have them test for a UTI. In the elderly cognitive issues may be the only noticable symptom.

+100

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. I was in this position. But my mom has always been difficult and was known to get aggressive--even with us as kids. So it was really hard to disentangle, which made it hard to even know how bad her dementia really was